I used to eat out almost every meal as well. It wasn't because I didn't know how to cook, and I even like cooking. The economics (monetary and time) just didn't work out for one person. I can't buy in bulk (at least not fresh produce) because there is only one of me, so the cost is about the same as eating out. It also takes me a while to cook, clean etc, which takes more time than just eating out some where or getting takeout.

However, when I'm in a relationship, we tend to cook a lot more. The economics works out better, lower incremental cost of 2 vs 1 at home but double the cost (nearly) eating out. Also with 2 people cooking / cleaning, the time it takes for 1 person reduces quite a bit.

> I have friends who eat out every single meal of every single day.

I have friends who do too but it's not because they don't know how to cook, it's because they don't like to and don't wanna bother and can afford the luxury of having someone else to do it for them.

Funny thing about those people is they constantly complain about how expensive everything is, yet they spend frivolous amounts of money on what's probably the highest marked up item: food. Meal prep for a week for ~$75 and you're set. It would cost probably 4 times that (at least, depending on where you eat) to eat out, not to mention you don't know how it was prepared, and it's probably wildly unhealthy compared to if you just cooked it at home.

Take 2-3 hours on Sundays and cook some food. It's not hard.

I guess I understand how many people dislike cooking, I guess. For me, it's a very creative, relaxing, rewarding, (and necessary) process in my life. For me, it's like coding, but with ingredients. Take a bunch of relatively trivial components, and combine them creatively into something complex, useful, even beautiful--inspiring. You generally follow "industry best practices", but there's plenty of room for interpretation or establishing your own patterns.

I cook or eat left overs 6 nights a week at this point. Beyond saving a massive amount of money it's shocking how much better the steak I make myself is than one I can get out. Most cities have kitchen equipment stores (not just Bed Bath) that actually have cooking courses you can take.

Now "home made pasta" starts with flour and eggs.

I've been trying to learn to cook off and on for years now and I get so discouraged all the time because I'm still either overcooking or undercooking something, still not getting the flavors right, not using the right amount of oil despite the recipe's prescription. I can't be alone in feeling that way.

I don't eat much when I cook for myself though. Not because I dislike the food, I don't have much of an appetite by the time it finishes cooking. I do love cooking for others and experimenting the hell out of weird cooking combos because why not. That's the most fun part, you pick a recipe and then you try to substitute ingredients but maintain the taste more or less the same. Eventually, you will understand flavors more and can create new recipes because you can learn about various ways in which you can cook the ingredient for using it as a different part in a dish.

Cooking edible food is easy for most people, they are either lazy or like me sometimes where their appetite is gone. Following recipes is more bothersome than you think for a lot of folks, programmers don't find it that bad given they are used to reading monotone instructions.

I was actually thinking about opening an online food service for people with diabetes/weight problems/specific goals where you can get good food delivered to your home. The recipes aren't that different for someone doing keto and suffering with diabetes type 2. They can generally be combined for example.

Finding ingredients for a keto low carb diet is hard if you are vegetarian/vegan and there is ton of problematic information out there. Recipes are not clear, it won't taste good and frankly speaking, it is expensive if you get the ingredients in low quantity due to the demand.

People need a dietician + food without jumping through many hoops. That way, More people can be healthy.

Some of those weird looks might be that they want your company at lunch occasionally!

What sucks about people not being able to cook for themselves is that they stop cooking interesting things and thus the supermarket produce section keeps shrinking. Yeah, some places like Whole Foods have large varieties of items, but there isn't one anywhere near my neighborhood. The local grocery store doesn't even sell radishes.

Indeed. You can give them the answer used in my family "Planned-overs"; where a sufficient quantity is cooked to plan other meals in advance.

I tried to save money once by making lunch and bringing it to work. My SO at the time who was much more frugal than me pointed out that eating lunch out (socializing) was much more important to them than the savings which over the course of a month was not that much, especially if you factor in the cost of time and that there were way more effective ways of saving money than giving up socializing time.

It was also boring (for me) in that in order to save time and money I'd end up having to make a larger portion of one thing and then eat the same thing all week.

For me it's quite similar, in the office they always tell me "Wow! That look amazing, I can't believe you do it everyday". Even when it's a salad with 3 ingredients

Eating left over for lunch at work is usually not a good experience as the only way to heat food is microwave, unless the food you bring is best reheated with one, or just have a cold salad or sandwich. As an aside, learn the best method to reheat food for each type of meal. Steak, spaghetti, fish, bread all have the best way to make it as enjoyable as possible.

Same. Started cooking out of frugality and anything I can order or comes packaged is unhealthy. Cooking feels like the default, what normal people do. I was so wrong. None of my friends can cook even a simple meal without step by step instructions. Some can grill, and that's it. They just order food or eat something from a box every single day.

What made my post-college mental state so much better (as well as my friends' quality of life) was that I forced my flatmates to cook with me all the time and we would have people over for lunch/dinner like I used to do back home, in Greece. Our stomachs and wallets are still thanking us to this day.

For context, I studied in the US and moved to London for work right after graduation.

I rarely have time to cook which sucks, but I make the effort when I can and I've just bought fresh ingredients.

I get home around 6:30 and go to the gym in my apt until around 7:30, then after I've showered and had my protein shake it's now 8:00 and I'm tired. Prep to eating to cleaning up can take an hour or more for me, and I try to go to bed around 10 if I can to wake up for the next day at 6. If I have to go to the grocery store that can take another hour out of my free time after work. Morale is low, freetime for hobbies are low, and the only way to maximize this time without cutting into fitness or sleep is to go with a premade meal from trader joes and be done with it.

Homecooked meals made a lot of sense when you showed up at home at 5:30 with that pot roast your wife started at 2:30 steaming and plated for you on the table, but that's not the world we live in anymore.

I feel that's why food trucks became popular. Low barrier to entry (relative) and allows people that know how to cook quickly cook for those that don't.

I also noticed this; my friends would eat out or eat a tv dinner every night; In the meantime, I was eating healthy chicken and veggies.

Instant Pot. Game changer.

I've been trying the same and each time I failed miserably. I just don't get it and certainly can't enjoy it. Can someone recomend good poetry sutable for highly analytical mind or a book about apreciating poetry?

An easy way to get started is the YouTube channel Ours Poetica[1]. It's kinda like Audible but for poems (and free). Produced in collaboration with The Poetry Foundation.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv4-yypZ7srAlzk_MQCRaLQ

A good place to start is with the Poetry Foundation: https://www.poetryfoundation.org

It's been around since the early 1900's and has lots of good articles and podcasts, even a poetry magazine.

If you're American, it's nice because it focuses a lot on American and Midwestern poets.

And if you're in the Chicagoland area, it has events and its new headquarters downtown is considered an architectural treat.

Totally agree with you. Recently started moving from non-fiction to poetry and picked up "The Gift", Poems by Hafiz. It refreshing to see how much one can say with a few words.

Is there any evidence that poems have meaning? I could easily imagine a world where poets fool themselves into thinking the words they wrote contained their intentions, while readers fooled themselves into thinking they had uncovered those intentions.

I second this.

Poetry is play and learning to play with language can open up new worlds. Here is a favorite of mine.

Again by Ross Gay

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/92019/again-586e779b0...

This book[1] compares poetry to music. There are many genres and styles of music, and it is likely that you don't like all genres. Enjoying poetry is about trying to find the "genre" of poetry that moves you.

[1] Don't Read Poetry: A Book About How to Read Poems - Stephanie Burt

Btw, not as satisfying as woodwork perhaps but you can do small electrical projects around your house and feel a sense of accomplishment. e.g. installing dimmer switches. Turn off mains and then easy to follow instructions that comes with the switch. Just screwdriver and pliers needed. Save energy and house looks warmer. :-)

I always found the "idea" of that kind of work enticing.

However, once I owned a house and had to do renovating/updating, I ultimately found it frustrating.

Some jobs are incredibly frustrating if you don't have the exact tool to make it easier.

The likelihood the angles and geometry of your home are square is, IME, near 0. Even measuring and re-measuring multiple times, I end up with a lot of wasted, mis-cut material.

YMMV, but I always found when you add up the time spent and material cost, it's nearly a wash to just pay someone else to do it.

I've started some woodworking projects. My first couple of attempts left a lot to be desired. It seems like a lot of it is just having the right tools. I mostly enjoy the sanding and staining part, or using a torch to weather proof it.

The other thing is I can't find good plans. If I have a plan to follow, it makes all the difference, I don't know enough to figure it out as I go. Like right now, I've been wanting to build a pool stick holder. Probably one that is on the ground, not attached to the wall. Even the sites I look at that have plans you pay for, they don't seem that helpful.

> Be careful... my wife gave me a drill one year and I’ve since renovated two houses and now have a small fortune in tools.

Started with a 3D printer for me, then a membership to Techshop. Few years later I have a garage filled with woodworking / metalworking, diy cnc machines, laser cutter, welding, and automotive tools. It’s a slippery slope.

I am a hobby (unplugged) woodworker with a quite large collection of vintage tools... it all started because I needed some basic temporary furniture for the new house and w were broke enough to not be able to afford it - the kitchen I built is still around after 7 years and I have developed a lot in this area.

I use manual cameras, or digital cameras in manual mode / with manual lenses because that's how I learned photography in 1990's

I like to cook, 95% of our meals are home made, I can prepare a whole week worth of meals in abut 3 hours, including cleaning. I usually just improvise, my wife says I can make a delicious meal out of an empty fridge...

Yet music somehow eludes me - and it is THE thing I have always wanted to be proficient at way more than any of the above. I just don't have any idea how to approach it. Let's say I get a musical instrument - be it a piano (keyboard), a guitar, saxophone or percussion. What's next? Practice the notes until I'm "touch-typing" them? Then try to mix and match? Try to play some sheet music or repeat what I've heard before by brute-forcing? I am actually able to re-create a simple melody by trying the keys on a toy keyboard, but in all the other areas (woodworking, cooking, photography) I went almost straight to improvisation - which I enjoy the most - and I have the feeling that in music there is some set of basic skills required to unlock this, yet I don't know what it entails. Woodworking is all about hiding the imperfections, photography is about selecting the best shots / being prepared for lucky timing, and an imperfect meal can be (usually) fixed with herbs/spices/salt. Music is either spot on, or too far off to be tolerable - am I missing some middle ground opportunity here?

I’ve spent the better part of a decade trying to learn an instrument and I’m terrible at the guitar. I guess it’s just not for some people.

WRR has kept me through thick and thin.

My bookmark straight to the music streamer page is below uBlock a few of the banner ads and you are set.

http://player.listenlive.co/44461

In what way do you think WQXR lost its way? I went from 12 years of WRR to WQXR about 3 years ago, and I didn't notice much of a difference.

Classical 101: WOSA/Grove City, OH

Get a slow cooker and have your groceries delivered. You can make delicious, nutritious 1 pot meals that last you 2 or 3 days a pop with minimal prep time and cleanup.

Instant pot (best kitchen purchase I've ever made) and meal prep. There's entire subreddits dedicated to meal prep with a lot of good ideas.

If you have the money (and it sounds like you have), there are quite a few recipe box companies which send you boxes of ingredients and recipes every few days. It's a nice stepping stone towards fully cooking for yourself as it cuts out the shopping/deciding part.

If you happen to enjoy it, cook. If you don't want to cook, you don't have to. It's also possible to eat healthily if you eat out, especially if you have enough money.

That's awesome! I forgot to mention this in my top-level comment but if you're ever interested in cooking some Tex-Mex, I have a recipe book for you. My grandmother wrote this in the early 1970s and it was regionally famous in the part of Texas where I grew up. She died when I was young and my aunt inherited the ownership of the book. I asked her for permission to make it freely available and she said OK. I had plans to translate it to TeX but never got it finished. I did put up a PDF scan of the original that you can download:

https://chrissnell.com/cookbook/womc.pdf

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. For newcomers to the book, I highly recommend the cheese enchiladas recipe and the anticuchos recipe. Anticuchos are not authentic Tex-Mex but they are very much tied to San Antonio and that recipe is probably the best in the book if you make it with good quality steak.

Agreed, no one in my friend circle cook any more. I learnt it out of necessity - I missed home cooking and then became vegan which made me realise the lack of creativity of the chefs when it comes to vegan food. Now I love cooking just for the sake of it.

They also just started their 2020 series here: https://www.reddit.com/r/photoclass2020/

They'll slowly post the next step of the guide throughout the year. Subscribe and follow along to learn!

Yes!! This is the one. This class taught me so much. I went from a photographer that ended up with garbage 90% of the time, to one that can usually get the shot. Glad to see that they now have a 2020 class, too.

Agree with the sentiment, the answer is just soapboxing life advise, not really answering. But being able to focus on/appreciate classical music is a skill, hearing the different instruments and such.

Appreciating anything that you aren’t already a fan of is a skill. You can also develop the skills of enjoying hip hop, metal, spaghetti westerns, rock climbing, etc.

Einstein walked on the beach when he needed to work out complex problems. Steve Jobs preferred to conduct meetings while walking. Tchaikovsky took a walk every morning, before sitting down to work on his music. Charles Darwin walked twice a day to process ideas... turns out that walking boosts cognition and creative thinking.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-think-about-exer...

Definitely. Like a good set of tools in the workshop, I love to buy new spirits every time I have a cocktail night with friends. I have a liquor cabinet full of strange aperitifs and whiskeys. It's very fun to learn. I should find an app that lets me build a virtual liquor cabinet and gives me ideas for new drinks that I can make with what I have.

I cook most nights and frankly am starting to see the appeal of frequent dining out.

I cook for three and that's generally in the 10 minutes prep, 20-45 minutes cooking, 15+ minutes cleaning. And that's dinner. It adds up. Eating truly fast food takes 5-15 minutes.

If fast food were reliably better for you I think it would be a wash. Financially I used to order out in NYC and get two+ days meals out of a single Indian seamless order for $30 and no cooking time.

The compromise, I think, is cooking a meal 2x quantity and freezing half for a week, but then you get into some very tiresome food routines.

A reddit user (which I cannot remember) said it best imo. The way they put it was (loosely quoted) "Create something. It doesn't have to be anything physical, you can create experiences for people".

If woodworking or car repair isn't your jam, volunteer to help the needy. Or if you like the stage join a drama club or comedy club or whatever else you can do to enrich other people's lives.

It's bloody addictive isn't it? I started out doing cutting boards and my last commission was to make a custom poker table.

"I want to lift x amount one day" is not for everyone, it's what lead me to destroy my spine. I went years without any problems and I was in the best shape of my life, but I never thought about the level of compression my spine was taking on.

I ended up having multiple bulging discs from C5-C7, a severe disc herniation in T8-T9 (which happened mid workout, very painful), L4-S1 herniations and L4-L5 breaking away chunks of my vertebrae. I eventually had to get emergency surgery on C5-C7 due to the narrowing of spinal cord.

I still "work out" with resistance bands, but I'm never allowed to properly lift weights again thanks to my foolishness. It's horribly depressing and I don't wish this on anybody.

Moral of the story is you might be just fine and have the skeletal structure to support lifting, or it could be a ticking time bomb like in my case. Lifting goals should carry disclaimers about the possible dangers.

Nothing wrong to be exercise regularly without progression. I wouldn't be surprised if this was even better than going ham on the gym because of how little exercise the human body actually needs to be considered healthy.

Not saying there is nothing wrong with having lifting goals either. But there are definitely diminishing returns to your health in regards to the amount/intensity of your exercise routine for sure.

I became much happier once I realized that I'm not an athlete and I don't need to have a goal of "I want to lift x amount one day". This has been freeing for me. I started focusing more and more on fixing certain parts of the body (like tightness of pecs, weak glutes, weak transverse abdominis etc - 99% of the people at the gym has it, but they are not aware of it).

So I really think if you are an athlete/ex-athlete and you really know how to train - go for it. My main goal was not to have a back pain ever again.

Nothing wrong with avoiding lifting heavy if you are satisfied with your size. At that point it's maintenance. Even professional body builders get devastating injuries, and if they get devastating injuries while doing a supervised squat with two spotters, then I don't trust myself to go for PR in the squat rack unless my form with the current weight is absolutely effortless. There isn't even a point for me to go for PR; I'm not getting a gold metal but I could end up with a hernia.

Are you saying it’s a mistake to keep training without a goal to lift more?

I've been feeling pain in my right elbow for a couple of years now. Doctor diagnosed as carpal tunnel syndrome.

You know the picture. Spent tons of time playing video game and works in an office since forever. I can't afford physical therapy, but working out + good posture makes the pain goes away "magically".

I say "magically" because I am not doing anything to target it, just go to the gym and literally do whatever for 30-40 minutes every other day.

Which book?

I would second this. I took up bouldering and it's amazing how much more energy I have. My lower-back pain from sitting has nearly disappeared.

It's a true full-body workout (including the brain).

I would add buying a kettlebell and starting to do swings and Turkish get-up. They're energizing and work almost your entire body in a functional way.

I'd add hiking or running to this. I've seen my coworkers get winded walking hilly sidewalks, any type of ambulatory work is at the heart of human function.

The reality I've seen is that most doctors can only help with small/very specific issues of this kind if it's something they happened to had encountered before. Otherwise they will send you on a trip for multiple exams and in the end tell you there's nothing particularly wrong and should just bear with it till it becomes worse. Doing our own research or reaching out to others -none of which is mutually exclusive to consulting doctors- often pays out. Remember the experience of Patrick Volkerding? http://www.ae.iitm.ac.in/pipermail/ilugc/2004-November/01390...

For a lot of people, being 'productive' to them means burning the midnight oil which is hardly actually productive. If you do things when you are alert it makes them more effective. It also gives you the rest of the day to just breath and not be hard on yourself for getting tired and your performance faltering throughout the day; after all you got all that stuff done earlier. Ever have a weekend when you got everything you needed to do done by noon? The day becomes yours and you feel like a superhuman.

You can nitpick any idea into oblivion but the gist is: figure out what is the most important thing for you to do in the morning to be productive and do it.

And if going to the gym in the morning makes the rest of your day productive by providing you with lots of energy and a clear head, then yes, going to the gym is the most important and productive for you to do in the AM.

You get to decide. Wake up early enough to get done what needs doing. Do the important things first. Make the most of the morning hours.

You might like this newsletter/podcast: dailystoic.com

Thank you for this

Book 5 of Meditations.

Burpees are one of the best movements for all-around muscle development and the best thing is you don't need any weights.

If you can perform a full burpee (from standing to the floor) then the benefits are huge. You can also scale and go from standing to plank position or use a swimming pool (stand in the pool near the edge, jump onto the ledge and then back into the pool and go into squat position underwater).

TURKISH GETUPS!!

Yes, heavy two-handed swings were a game-changer for me. I am a climber and I don't think it's any coincidence that 5.13- and V8 became "easy" after incorporating these into my routine. I had a very weak posterior chain. It's funny, when you do an actual sport-specific strength assessment, it often seems your weaknesses are not what you thought they were.

The deadlift is one of the most well-rounded, important lifts out there. I don't understand what you mean by "regular people"; are you saying that only eg powerlifters should do deadlifts and that casual lifters should avoid it?

IMO anyone interested in developing their strength (that is physically able to deadlift) should learn how to do them safely and then work on them.

Rippetoe laying out how to do a deadlift: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwQQZCi6OHA

Any athletic pursuit is going to injure you eventually.

Not pursuing any athletics is going to kill you and make the late years of your life frustrating a you lose capabilities. And you'll probably get injured as your body deteriorates.

You choose.

Almost certainly mobility issues. Im almost 40 and still squat at least once a week.

Is it possible they were going for ego lifts? From your examples, do you know the weight they were lifting for each exercise?

Start at work if you aren't remote "Hey I'm mesaframe over in department, what department are you in?" in the break room or hall (NEVER the bathroom if you are male, NEVER, please watch Male Restroom Etiquette to learn the ramifications of talking in the bathroom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw )

Or if you stop for coffee some place regularly, eat some place regularly, etc ask someone that serves you regularly how their day is. For years I used White Castle for my socialization. I'd go in every Saturday and Sunday morning and order the same thing and would chat to the employees once I'd established myself as a regular. Similarly some friends and I had a Denny's waitress that we eventually followed to another location and then even to another restaurant chain as we were there so much at night that we became friends with her.

It was super easy to for me to become friendly with a specific individual when I would see them over and over with small exposure doses.

I've talked to strangers about Boolean algebra, the weather, how long the bus is taking, the slogan on the bag they're carrying and how it relates to their calling in life, and so on. I dated a girl for about a year that I met on the train and started a conversation by joking with her about filler phrases she had used in a cellphone conversation. And of course evangelists are always willing to talk about theology.

I think most people are eager to be heard, eager to talk about their experiences and feelings (even trivial ones like being impatient for the bus to arrive), and lonely. But most people are preoccupied and in a hurry much of the time. You have to be paying attention at a moment when they are willing, and then be able to give them what they want.

It’s a skill and like any other skill it becomes less anxiety inducing the better you get at it. You could start with complete strangers at (say) a coffee shop, so that if you get embarrassed well it doesn’t matter, you’ll never see them again (this is how I improved). Also, learning how to be rejected and bail out is part of the skill. I still get into awkward situations sometimes, but it’s happened enough that I can cut the conversation off and the embarrassment doesn’t bother me all that much

Remember that one time that one random person struck up a conversation with you and it was awkward and you never saw each other again?

Me neither. People generally don’t remember these things.

Strike up a conversation and it doesn’t go well? It may feel like the world is falling apart at that moment, but you can rest assured it will be forgotten, and sooner rather than later. And you may get a sense of accomplishment just from going through the motions and doing it.

Strike up a conversation and maybe make a new friend? Awesome :)

I also have anxiety. The way you deal with it is to talk with strangers. Start by expressing yourself more with the people you are already comfortable with. Something you might normally not share. Then start with chit chat with people who are less familiar. You will be chatting comfortably with people you don't know in no time. Isolating yourself is the wrong way and will lead you to dark places. I know. I'm better. It's scary, uncomfortable and totally worth it.

Start living life head first. I hate speaking too, but I put myself out there and make myself do it, because you really have nothing to loose. Life is sporadic and impermenant. You try and strike up a conversation with a stranger, fail, move on, the next day you've both forgotten eachother's face, the next week you've both forgotten about the event entirely. Most conversations don't matter at all.

Start simple - ask people on the street what time it is. It’s a simple opener that should help you with your anxiety, and you’ll see nothing bad happens.

"Here, pick a card. Any Card. Don't let me see it."

Here’s a neat trick. When you’re at a party, meetup or other social event, don’t approach people standing alone. Instead, approach people in groups of two, say hello (or give a quick little glass tink ‘cheers’) and introduce yourself. A large large amount of the time, one of those two people want OUT of the conversation and you’ll be that out.

That’s a great low risk drill to get started. It’s low risk because it works and you’re in an environment where respectful interruptions like that are acceptable. Good luck and if you get stuck, feel free to reach out.

Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Let go of pride and ego.

Find something the person may be very interested in, and get them talking about it.

"I can't help but notice that watch, can I ask you about it?" (Anybody asking about my watch is an instant friend. WHY WONT ANYBODY NOTICE MY WATCHES??)

"This might be weird but I need a new barber, where do you get your haircut?"

"Yooo where did you get that sweater?"

"You carrying golf clubs around the city? There a course I don't know about?"

"Is that a defcon sticker?"

Something unique about them. Find it, ask about it. Easy to practice. Just do the find it step to random people during your commute.

For any Dutch people here, my wife wrote about this subject; https://www.amazon.com/Small-talk-survival-praktische-gespre... or https://www.bol.com/nl/f/smalltalk-survival/9200000115193053...

"Hi , my name is .. <reach out hand for handshake>. What you've been up today?"

- Start conversion with something you notice about the other person, the event, the surroundings ("the color of your watch matches with your sweater - stylish!", "is this stuff boring or is it just me?", "you know why they put that thing over there?")

- Topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams

- Repeat the last few words of the other person and look asking. The person will continue the subject s/he's talking about

- Connect and imagine the other guy. "I am a writer" - "A writer! I always wanted to be one but always stop after one page of writing. I imagine you must be very disciplined"

- Avoid RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics)

- You can always say nothing and just stay there. Often the other person picks up the conversation once you're past a few minutes.

- Try looking people into the eye while walking around, and force yourself to not look away. This is a nice training for looking strangers in to the eye in a cold approach. Once you got that, talking to strangers becomes much less intimidating.

- Eventually people will ask you what you do for work / or what you did today. Have something ready that sounds interesting.

Don't be afraid of looking like an idiot

Well, one thing is just a mindset thing: as long as you go in with kind intentions, there's almost no way anything can go wrong. Maybe the person you talk to will be bored or uninterested, but that is a good thing because a) you've chipped away at your social anxiety a little, and b) you can check them off your mental list of potential friends/contacts/whatever.

As for tactics: just ask questions. Everybody likes to talk about themselves. Eventually, you'll get good at finding out what interesting things people have going on in their lives (most people have something).

- Meetups with like-minded individuals

- Board game/trivia group at your local bar

- Join Toastmasters

Alcohol.

Secondly, be more interested in listening to the other person than in talking about yourself. Most people want to talk about themselves.

Practice makes perfect. Have you tried going to things on meetup? It's sort of expected to meet strangers on there so it's a great environment to meet new people.

> deadlift's are quite dangerous for the untrained.

It's odd to me you picked deadlift to call out as dangerous.

The deadlift is certainly dangerous, but only in the sense that almost any large lift is dangerous for the untrained. But in my experience, the deadlift is a very natural motion for me and most people who I've seen get into lifting heavy. Fixing people's natural instincts is usually just pointing out a few cues--if you look up deadlift workshops most are are only an hour long. And if you are lifting too much weight, you just drop it.

The squat is a much more complicated motion: squat workshops are usaully full-day events, and the ways it breaks down tends to change as you add weight, so just getting the form is a long-term process. It's also a more dangerous lift if you have too much weight because you're under the bar.

Even then not necessarily sufficient. Source: worked with a trainer on this for months after pulling my back at a crossfit years earlier and still having lingering effects. Sitting a ton creates, or can create, large hip inflexibility, tight hamstrings, etc. If budget and space isn't a material constraint, get a hexbar... it will lessen some of the impact on your back.

Deadlifting (and squatting) is arguably the most important full body exercise you can do, and the staple of every single marvel super hero body transformation, but the risk threshold is fairly high for a beginner.

If you want to stretch, try ROMWOD. A bit intense but likely the most impactful in terms of results.

One of my favorite web 1.0 sites that's still kicking it old school: https://exrx.net/

Detailed workout guides and clear, simple visuals of proper form on hundreds of exercises.

I train deadlifts by using the lightest possible weights and doing 2 sets of practice reps. Focus on keeping the spine stable, use legs to push the weight up. Don't add weight until you video record yourself and ensure your back and hips are on point. Back needs to not bend, and hips need to thrust forward, bar path vertical, close to the body as that's our center of mass. Ensure your sternum stays on the same plane as your stomach and neck, keep the upper back from rounding.

They are not "quite dangerous", they're safe if you can follow the form correctly

Yes, they're not really a beginner exercise

> "Fix Rounded Shoulders" and "Fix Anterior Pelvic Tilt"

Build strength bit by bit instead of follow every Athlean-X nitpick ;)

Watch Mark Rippetoe videos on YouTube. He has excellent, science-backed explanations for all major movements. Also quite a character.

> deadlift's are quite dangerous for the untrained.

This is just false. Sure, the untrained should get some instruction on proper form, and start with manageable weights, as with any exercise. But deadlifting is the least dangerous of the power lifts, and far less dangerous than half the activities in the average WOD.

> Start with "Fix Rounded Shoulders" and "Fix Anterior Pelvic Tilt"

Definitely don't. These are non-scientific maladies invented by fitness personalities to convince you to pay for their specialized expertise to fix your particular biomechanical imperfections. You don't need perfect posture as a prerequisite to benefiting from deadlifting, or any kind of exercise. If you're physically capable of doing the movement, even if your version of the movement is imperfect and not adhering to the mechanical ideal, you're able to benefit from it.

That’s why I’d say to get trained. Trainers are worth the money.

There are also more economical options like small group training classes.

> deadlift's are quite dangerous for the untrained.

Isn't that part of "acquiring" the skill; learning to do it?

If you're starting out doing deadlifts then I'm almost certain you're at a gym where there's someone experienced enough to show you how to do a deadlift.

I echo what others have said about a real trainer. If you can find a gym specializing in powerlifting or olympic, it’s not a big deal.

Alternatively, learn not to accept death and start that life goal of making it something that is a sad, rare event instead of part of the human nature.

Right now I'm spending more time budget on learning about senolytics

To be somewhat insensitive; it sounds like he was doing it wrong.

I'm recently on a kick to take my fitness more seriously; for me that means a three month stint with a personal trainer, bringing in a dietician soon, and planning on rounding out with a running coach.

As a note, all of this isn't that expensive - its just coming out of most peoples holiday and expensive treat budgets.

Doing it like this means you consult with real experts, who will tell you what you're doing wrong that you didn't think to ask about.

This is wrong. Deadlifts can be as safe as any other exercise if done properly. Find a coach, practice, maintain form and take your time.

The health risks of not doing deadlifts far outweigh the risk of doing them. It's the only thing that has resolved my back pain and improved my posture.

Disclaimer: hire a trainer to learn the correct form

Being weak and overweight is way more dangerous than deadlifts. Muscle mass helps build and maintain bone mass (depending on your age) which avoids broken bones, and osteoporosis later in life. Strong people get injured less and recover faster from injuries.

Yes, there are some ways deadlifts can go horribly wrong, but these are pretty avoidable.

He shattered his spine? Was he 80 years old and his spine calcified?

I would totally recommend deadlifts because like anything if you don't learn how to do something properly you're going to do it wrong which could easily lead to disastrous results. Your friend is the exception, most people do deadlifts regularly no problem. If you've never done them before ask a trainer or someone who knows what they're doing for help, watch videos for form, take form videos of yourself, learn the movement, know when it's time to lower the weight or stop altogether and start slow with low weight. There are so many variations beyond the basic deadlift movement that if one doesn't feel right you have other options.

>My friend shattered his spine doing deadlifts

Sorry to hear that. I'm curious what the context was though.

At what weight did this occur? Was he a seasoned lifter? Novice?

The solution is to use a hex bar, which centres the weight under the hips and removes the health concerns related to poor technique. There is simply no exercise substitute for picking up really heavy things and everyone, particularly women, should do it regularly.

Honesty is multi-layered and difficult. It is the art of conveying truth, or at least your truth.

But how can you convey truth if you don't really understand it? And how can you convey truth even if you understand it, if you don't understand what the listener understands when you speak of it?

It's not enough to use "correct" words, if they won't be understood. That's not honesty. That's how clever people take advantage; which is not honesty.

In these terms, I've never met anyone who seems like they could be entirely honest, even if they wanted to be.

But they can learn how to convey something closer to truth with practice and introspection and learning from others; so I'd say it's a skill.

I've met people who say they are honest, but a few minutes listening and from the inconsistent thinking it is apparent they are not even able to be honest within their own thoughts to themselves.

This is not a criticism because I think it applies to everyone, including myself. I think it's just part of the human condition.

To say a person is honest, then, is to say they desire to be honest; that their heart is in it, that they wish to convey truth and not to decieve, or even to risk misunderstandings, no matter who is listening. As noble as it is to desire this, it is quite something to master the art of doing so regularly and reliably.

For many lying is already a deeply ingrained habit, and for them honesty will take practice.

Honesty with tact certainly is.

Kinda. It's easy to just say whatever comes to your mind. Actual honesty requires introspection and self-criticism, learning honesty _to yourself_, if you will.

Try being honest, really honest, and see if you think it's a skill you have after a few weeks.

I see a lot of people shitting on deadlifts in this thread, but OHPs are way more risky. Great if you have great form and know your body, but still pretty damn risky.

better yet, squat presses and deadlifts

> Honesty is not a skill, lying successfully is.

I can see why you would think this. Lying successfully ultimately takes more work than being honest. Being honest is like swinging a golf club or tennis racket correctly. It feels awkward and unnatural at first, but eventually gets easier. Honesty definitely is a skill, though.

It's a habit. Personally, I think lying takes up way too much mental space. It's sort of like driving with the seat belt unbuckled; just makes me anxious.

It's a skill to be honest faster, and with less hesitation. The faster you can be honest, the more benefits you reap from it.

Kindness is similar. You want to be kinder faster, with less hesitation.

Otherwise, it will feel forced.

I think honesty is a skill by the dictionary definition as you can certainly do honesty badly, and learning to do it well is difficult and requires study and practice.

It's also worth learning how to do well.

> Honesty is not a skill, lying successfully is.

Nonsense. The skill of honesty is fighting your instinct to lie. If you actually try to always be honest, you'll discover that it's not as easy as you are claiming.

> Neither is kindness. (And forced kindness can be patronizing.)

Well, let me ask you, when you decided to leave a comment, did you make that decision with kindness in mind? :)

Maybe "radical candor" instead.of honesty?

Or maybe specifically giving honest feedback to others.

WINDOW is incredible. Probably among the most useful yet least understood areas of SQL.

Tutorial format: https://mode.com/sql-tutorial/

Books: 1) SQL Antipatterns https://pragprog.com/book/bksqla/sql-antipatterns

2) Effective SQL https://learning.oreilly.com/library/view/effective-sql-61/9...

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22237767 -- someone else asked a similar question, here was my response.

sqlzoo can help with the syntax

Same as it has always been. Experienced teams will always value the right things. Just have to learn when to play the game and what game to play :)

Everything I learned on is old school. Joe Celko was a great author back in the day. I always enjoyed this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Joe-Celkos-SQL-Smarties-Programming/d...

Although it is 10 years old, not much has changed in the universe of SQL basics. If I were to capture the essence of good schema design it is mostly about keeping data normalized until you have a really good reason not to. Denormalization is almost always an optimization choice.

And before you optimize you should have basic things covered, like indexes, etc. I have fixed more than one "slow" query by simply adding indicies to everything people are joining on. So, check out a tool like pgAdmin that has a cool query planner optimization feature. What is happening under the hood doesn't matter a /lot/ when learning SQL, but it is really insightful to see how indicies of various types impact performance. I believe this book basically covers it all from a theoretical perspective. Optimization and indices aren't super well covered in SQL for smarties, which make sense, it isn't about optimization but is a little higher level.

There are /tons/ of data sets out there now a days. CSV files, etc. Find some interesting data and start challenging yourself with interesting ways to design that data into a database. I actually design most of my SQL databases using an ORM these days, but, my bedrock knowledge of SQL makes it very efficient and I can avoid committing "SQL sins" (denormalization) prematurely. You will be surprised at how much you can learn on simple data sets :)

Take a look at the "Relational Design Theory"[1] mini-course on Stanford/Lagunitas. Though I had used SQL for years, I took it as part of the early MOOC on databases that was offered in 2011. It is likely to match up with the intuition you already have about what works well in practice, but it can still be a challenge and rewarding to formalize your intuition and understanding.

The way the course is broken up now, you may need some of the other sections [2] like Intro to Relational Databases or Relational Algebra as prerequisites, since I do not remember if it used SQL syntax.

[1] https://lagunita.stanford.edu/courses/DB/RD/SelfPaced/about

[2] https://lagunita.stanford.edu/courses/DB/2014/SelfPaced/abou...

> I'd like to find a good resource that will help me use a non-relational database without creating a mess

My plan for the day when someone requires me to use NoSQL is to say that postgres supports JSON/JSONB perfectly so I can use that as a NoSQL database and then use the relational part to keep me out of the mess...

Normalization is a thing in NoSQL and SQL. When you end up with data skip and tons of duplication it can get pretty crazy. Being able to normalize data fits with most data models so much better because data is mostly a collection of related bits of information.

Right now I’m completing an “In My 20’s” document tracking numbers of big things (is: how many countries visited, music festivals attended, pieces of furniture built, jobs had, dollars saved, etc), feelings, observations, lessons and questions.

It’s pretty powerful. I can track my progress, see the speedbumps, but I think the biggest thing is that despite having all this data, it is not predictive.

I have zero idea what my thirties will look like. Will my goals and priorities change? If so, in what direction and how much?

The biggest takeaway for me in this process is really wrapping my head around how I have no control over tomorrow, only the actions I take today, and that whatever happens, that too shall pass.

I don't think it's good to regard it as "how dumb you were". I used to do something similar to this but this screwed me up a bit mentally, leading to a big lack of confidence.

How can I be confident or feel good about my decision if I am currently "dumb"?

You're not dumb if you make the best choices you can with the information you have at the time.

I was referring to this twitter thread: https://twitter.com/george__mack/status/1068238562443841538

> Historically I've been terrible at it, I'm paid incredibly well compared to most of the population, but because I wasn't consciously budgeting I'd end up running down to the last few pounds in my bank account every month.

I'll pile on a recommendation for YNAB. This sounds exactly like me. Having a better handle on my money and where it's going has definitely improved my mental health this year.

Political parties are highly skilled at telling people what they want to hear. Reading their programs will keep you current on what people want to hear.

If it doesn't matter in your country, you could look at the voting records of the people running for leadership positions, and thereby separate their words from their actions.

I know enough about taxes to hire an accountant.

The Reddit r/personalfinance sub is a well moderated place (no shady experts shilling nonsense). Take a look at their wiki[1] for a good jumping off point.

There are also country specific pf reddits listed in their wiki if you're not in the US.

The basic jist of things is:

1. Create a budget, go through the last few months of bank statements and categorise your spending

2. Pay down your debt (starting with the highest rate first)

3. Save 3-6 months expenses (which you know from your budget) as an emergency fund. (This does not need to all be accessable immediately just available, say 80% in a savings account with 30 days notice)

4. 2 & 3 should be done at the same time, it might not be mathematically the best but paying all your debt off and then being fired/made redundant without a cushion is not good.

Then once you've got a handle on the pf stuff, think about r/financialindependence or r/fire

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics

The personal finance subreddit is extremely good and has accessible wiki articles about the most common topics. The "Prime Directive" is a good place to start: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics.

There's also a flowchart which works well for 90+% of people: https://i.imgur.com/lSoUQr2.png

Recent research papers are the stuff that hasn't made it into textbooks yet.