I'm 23, me and all my friends are alcoholic. I just can't have fun without alcohol. Been looking for solutions to replace alcohol to have fun but I couldn't. How do you have fun without alcohol? Thanks
It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to.
So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without alcohol. It's still fun.
Meeting the people is the hard part I think. For that you probably need to find activities and events where booze won't be around. Find things you like to do sober, then find groups of people doing those things. Join game jams, or board game nights or take a martial arts class or a salsa dancing class or something.
This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea.
If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of simply not drinking something.
(Obviously if you have a medical condition or something, or a history of addiction, then this might not apply)
edit: there are many replies to me talking about addiction and accusing me of encouraging an addict to engage with their addiction. I'm not. I said it above, but if you have a history of addiction, or if this is an addiction problem, obviously this advice does not apply, and you should distance yourself from addicts.
OP explicitly calls his friends (and himself) an alcoholic. That implies a different dynamic than simply a group of friends who goes out and has a couple of drinks.
Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.
Respectfully disagree. The best thing you can do to make meaningful personal change is to change your environment. This is pretty universal advice for people dealing with (either in themselves or others) abuse, addiction, etc.
If people are drinking, it’s often in places catered to drinking as well, leaving not many other options. Being sober in those places is, frankly, boring.
I think it hugely depends on whether a particular group of people are your support framework, or your enablers.
I don't read the advice as "remove all your support framework, friends, and family and go at it alone". I read it as "find supportive people who can enable your goal".
For me, it's absolutely trivial to not drink or not smoke in groups of friends. But that's because I'm NOT a drinker and I'm not a smoker.
For anybody I know who IS a drinker or a smoker, casual or hard-core, the social aspect is absolutely pervasive and can be brutal in trying to quit. If one is not a drinker or smoker they may have a hard time fully empathizing / understanding how hard it can be to be around others who not only partake, but see it as critical focal part of activities.
Change the topic to drugs instead of alcohol: "Me and all my friends are cocaine addicts. I just can't have fun without cocaine." If you've recognized that your cocaine use is detrimental to your life, does that sound like an environment you should remain in?
No, it's correct advice. I don't know how old you are, bu there's nothing hugely unconditional about keeping friends. Moving on from friends is a standard part of adulthood, and what OP describes sounds like such an occasion.
Also, talk to your friends. I'm sure a number of them would actually want to do something sober, it's just that things just easily fall into that mode.
If you like watersports, suggest doing soemthing like that. Or go to the gun range. Or go to an origami course together.
If no one suggests anything then to the bar it is. But there's a lot of options, but it requires active thinking/planning/doing from both parties.
Nobody said alienating anyone. "You need a new group of friends" doesn't mean OP can't still be friends with the people he already knows. But if they want to do things that their current friend group just isn't interested in (Having fun without alcohol), then he needs to find new people to do that with.
Don't alienate yourself. Just diversify your friend investments. That's often a good idea anyway. You don't want one life event of one societal change to make your entire social support system come crumbling down.
I mean... First, you don't have to alienate yourself from your old friends in order to meet new people. Second, you don't have to make "left the group" reach the level of alienating.
People comes and goes, booze night can be fun at times. But if it stopped been fun, then your decision of leaving should be honored. Otherwise, the relationship is unhealthy and needs adjustment.
This is really good advice. You'll never be able to give up a bad habit or an addiction so long as the people around you are caught up in the same thing.
For years I was unable to quit smoking, in part because the folks I hung out with and the people I dated were all smokers. I moved to a different city, started hanging out with non smokers and was able to quit in a few months.
I would even say; move away if you can. Far enough away so you don't see everyone too often or the places where you had 'fun'. Moving away for school or work also helps 'breaking up' with all friends at once for a good reason in case you don't want to tell the real reason.
Not true at all. I quit years ago and for a long time continued to hang out, go clubbing, party without any alcohol or drugs with the same group of friends.
6 years sober here. Most of the advice so far wouldn't have been much help when I first stopped drinking.
It's honestly hard, and the first year or two won't be great. Boardgames and cafes are boring as fuck compared to getting drunk. Sure, rafting and cycling and other examples might fill up a Sunday afternoon, but they don't work for Friday night.
Over time you adjust. I've made a few friends that don't drink. I have others that I can go out with and they don't mind me not drinking.
At some point you realize that you won't be having as much fun as getting drunk. But your life will be better in other aspects, and that will make it worth it.
> At some point you realize that you won't be having as much fun as getting drunk.
Did you move away or you stayed in the same place? I notice that changing things radically helps a lot; I moved 1000s of kms which allows to reboot. If I would've stayed, well, all people from my previous life live there still and the same bars and other 'fun' is there still. When I go back for a visit, even a week, it is party time then first night and all nights after that until groggy and nauseated on the plane home. I don't enjoy that anymore as I like my work and my hobbies and most of them need a clear and responsive mind, not a cotton ball and depression. My current group of friends mostly drink socially but don't mind to have people to do fun stuff with that do not. So for me a Friday of not drinking at all(which are most Friday nights of the year), I cook pizza in my woodoven, cook food, make snacks and have a movie or game night etc. My mates get slightly legless but we all have a lot of fun and I am mostly busy with preparing things so time flies with something I enjoy.
This is sober and mature advice. There is simply no easy answer to the question: how do I break a bad habit and keep the benefits? Vices have benefits.
The OP took the first step already: admitting that getting drunk is a bad habit.
Breaking a bad habit is like choosing to learn to walk all over again: lots of bumps on the head, and a not a few failures, but eventually you learn to walk again.
I play FPS games, and I perform worse when I'm drinking, and I get sleepy. So for me it works better to stay sober. Actually I prefer to stay sober even while watching a show, because I don't like the dizzy feeling, unless if drinking socially.
I was an alcoholic and have completely quit drinking around 7 years ago. I’m in my mid 30’s now.
Changing my peer group was the most important thing. Hanging out with people who drink at places where drinking is the main activity is not a good way to stop drinking.
Travelling was a great way for me to find other likeminded people. I moved to SEA where I found lots of people who weren’t drinking.
Once you have friends who aren’t alcoholics, you can start doing non-drinking things for fun. Hiking, riding motorcycles, jamming on instruments, talking about philosophy, fishing, writing code… Anything that you would consider fun.
Partying is also possible without booze, but the event has to be one that’s less drinking oriented. Typically, venues are making most of their revenue from alcohol sales, so it’s not easy to find the right one. But there are still some underground electronic music events, raves or even Sunday morning ecstatic dances, etc.
If you want to use substances, I found that mushrooms at the dose of around 0.5-1g are a safe option for some social fun time. But be sure to do your research and experiment in a safe setting first.
Back in college, I would go to house parties and bars and do everything that everyone else was doing; the only difference is that I would have a Coke in my hand instead of a Rum & Coke.
That was (mostly) fine for me, because I never felt the temptation to drink, and the fun I derived was from the social enjoyment, not from what I was drinking.
But I've had friends who struggled with alcohol addiction, and for them, it was much more beneficial to change their scenery and get away from the parties and bars and clubs where drinking was a big part of the experience. Sometimes you also need to distance yourself from friends where your friendship really only works because you both like drinking together.
Stuff that seemed to work:
* Some people found that they could replace the fun from alcohol with adrenaline rushes, so they did things like power sports, skydiving, roller coasters, etc. But of course, those tend to be expensive ways of having fun.
* Others cultivated hobbies and then looked for social experiences that aligned with those hobbies. One guy loved pinball so he joined a pinball club in his city. Another joined an adult sports league.
* One guy I know, who also struggled with drug addiction, decided go in a different direction. He felt like he didn't want to replace one addiction with another, so instead he was determined to rewire his brain so he wasn't constantly chasing the next high. He did meditation, mindfulness, self-help exercises, therapy, etc.
> Back in college, I would go to house parties and bars and do everything that everyone else was doing; the only difference is that I would have a Coke in my hand instead of a Rum & Coke.
I have found that I get fewer questions about my drink if I have the bartender put a lime in the Coke.
This isn’t necessarily true. In college, I only drank very occasionally before I was 21. All of my friends drank. We still had a lot of fun. You don’t just sit around in a circle drinking.
I’m currently doing a dry January and I still go out with my friends. There’s plenty of tasty non-alcoholic beverages.
It depends how hammered the group is getting. If everyone is pacing so they are only slightly buzzed, it can still be fun for a sober person. If people are drinking to be drunk, as they tend to do in early 20s, then the sober person will not have so much fun after a couple hours once everyone else is inebriated.
As someone who doesn't drink, I've never minded when friends have a drink over dinner or bring a bottle to game night. But if folks keep pouring all night, there eventually comes a point where I leave early because staying there sober just isn't any fun. Some people often stop after a couple, and some people seldom do.
also the amount of fun is close to zero sum in life. that’s why kids can play with cardboard boxes and adults can’t figure out how to have any fun. reducing alcohol for a while will reduce fun, but then your threshold/sensitivity for what is enjoyable will increase, and the endorphins will return.
Sorry, but no. Cutting ties is more important. If you look at any 12 step program, leaving the old life behind is vital. They need to find their own way.
EDIT: I should have said "most recovery programs" rather than specifying 12 step. Please ignore the 12 step part and realize that I'm advising staying away from the people who are part of the OP's problem.
This is true. You're probably not the only one who wants to quit drinking. I wouldn't view it as "saving" them, but otherwise yeah. If you lead people might follow.
In most groups I've seen, there's really only one person who is the heavy drinker, and they bring everyone else along.
You're 23, it's not super uncommon for binge-drinking to be the center of your social world (at least in the US). I would not drop your friend group immediately, as others have suggested. Stop drinking to get trashed, and start drinking things that you enjoy the taste of. You might find that there is nothing you really like the taste of, in which case, you'll stop drinking. Personally, I enjoy a few beers in moderation. Also, cannabis.
By trying to quickly "replace" alcohol with something that delivers an equally satisfying feeling, you might be setting yourself up for failure, especially if you are really an alcoholic.
A more realistic first step would be to stop hanging out with your alcoholic friends, or at least trying to set very clear boundaries with them so that you avoid situations where you're encouraged or pressured to drink. This might not be possible, in which case you'll have to make some tough decisions about who you allow to stay in your life.
Either way, consider expanding your social circle to include people who don't drink. That group might include people who are sober or trying to achieve sobriety.
Once you're in the right environments and around the right people, it will be easier to find alcohol-free activities that you enjoy.
Find activities you enjoy that require you to be sober and/or up early. If you find a gym routine that's satisfying and requires being awake at 6AM, that puts a limit on how much you can drink. You can build a social group from those activities. Be mindful of habit clustering, some times people balance healthy habits with unhealthy ones, and drink more _because_ they're highly active.
Day is easier than night. Coffee shops are often open at night and not focused on drinking.
I find it easier to stop at zero drinks than at one. And I find it easier to defer a drink than to turn one down (even to myself). "I'll have this seltzer first, and if I still want a drink afterwards, I can have it then".
Your situation might be mostly social, but if you want something that's nice to drink and 0ABV: seltzer + bitters
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It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to.
So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without alcohol. It's still fun.
Meeting the people is the hard part I think. For that you probably need to find activities and events where booze won't be around. Find things you like to do sober, then find groups of people doing those things. Join game jams, or board game nights or take a martial arts class or a salsa dancing class or something.
This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea.
If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of simply not drinking something.
(Obviously if you have a medical condition or something, or a history of addiction, then this might not apply)
edit: there are many replies to me talking about addiction and accusing me of encouraging an addict to engage with their addiction. I'm not. I said it above, but if you have a history of addiction, or if this is an addiction problem, obviously this advice does not apply, and you should distance yourself from addicts.
Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.
If people are drinking, it’s often in places catered to drinking as well, leaving not many other options. Being sober in those places is, frankly, boring.
I don't read the advice as "remove all your support framework, friends, and family and go at it alone". I read it as "find supportive people who can enable your goal".
For me, it's absolutely trivial to not drink or not smoke in groups of friends. But that's because I'm NOT a drinker and I'm not a smoker.
For anybody I know who IS a drinker or a smoker, casual or hard-core, the social aspect is absolutely pervasive and can be brutal in trying to quit. If one is not a drinker or smoker they may have a hard time fully empathizing / understanding how hard it can be to be around others who not only partake, but see it as critical focal part of activities.
If you like watersports, suggest doing soemthing like that. Or go to the gun range. Or go to an origami course together.
If no one suggests anything then to the bar it is. But there's a lot of options, but it requires active thinking/planning/doing from both parties.
People comes and goes, booze night can be fun at times. But if it stopped been fun, then your decision of leaving should be honored. Otherwise, the relationship is unhealthy and needs adjustment.
This is really good advice. You'll never be able to give up a bad habit or an addiction so long as the people around you are caught up in the same thing.
For years I was unable to quit smoking, in part because the folks I hung out with and the people I dated were all smokers. I moved to a different city, started hanging out with non smokers and was able to quit in a few months.
Dead Comment
It's honestly hard, and the first year or two won't be great. Boardgames and cafes are boring as fuck compared to getting drunk. Sure, rafting and cycling and other examples might fill up a Sunday afternoon, but they don't work for Friday night.
Over time you adjust. I've made a few friends that don't drink. I have others that I can go out with and they don't mind me not drinking.
At some point you realize that you won't be having as much fun as getting drunk. But your life will be better in other aspects, and that will make it worth it.
Did you move away or you stayed in the same place? I notice that changing things radically helps a lot; I moved 1000s of kms which allows to reboot. If I would've stayed, well, all people from my previous life live there still and the same bars and other 'fun' is there still. When I go back for a visit, even a week, it is party time then first night and all nights after that until groggy and nauseated on the plane home. I don't enjoy that anymore as I like my work and my hobbies and most of them need a clear and responsive mind, not a cotton ball and depression. My current group of friends mostly drink socially but don't mind to have people to do fun stuff with that do not. So for me a Friday of not drinking at all(which are most Friday nights of the year), I cook pizza in my woodoven, cook food, make snacks and have a movie or game night etc. My mates get slightly legless but we all have a lot of fun and I am mostly busy with preparing things so time flies with something I enjoy.
The OP took the first step already: admitting that getting drunk is a bad habit.
Breaking a bad habit is like choosing to learn to walk all over again: lots of bumps on the head, and a not a few failures, but eventually you learn to walk again.
Changing my peer group was the most important thing. Hanging out with people who drink at places where drinking is the main activity is not a good way to stop drinking.
Travelling was a great way for me to find other likeminded people. I moved to SEA where I found lots of people who weren’t drinking.
Once you have friends who aren’t alcoholics, you can start doing non-drinking things for fun. Hiking, riding motorcycles, jamming on instruments, talking about philosophy, fishing, writing code… Anything that you would consider fun.
Partying is also possible without booze, but the event has to be one that’s less drinking oriented. Typically, venues are making most of their revenue from alcohol sales, so it’s not easy to find the right one. But there are still some underground electronic music events, raves or even Sunday morning ecstatic dances, etc.
If you want to use substances, I found that mushrooms at the dose of around 0.5-1g are a safe option for some social fun time. But be sure to do your research and experiment in a safe setting first.
Back in college, I would go to house parties and bars and do everything that everyone else was doing; the only difference is that I would have a Coke in my hand instead of a Rum & Coke.
That was (mostly) fine for me, because I never felt the temptation to drink, and the fun I derived was from the social enjoyment, not from what I was drinking.
But I've had friends who struggled with alcohol addiction, and for them, it was much more beneficial to change their scenery and get away from the parties and bars and clubs where drinking was a big part of the experience. Sometimes you also need to distance yourself from friends where your friendship really only works because you both like drinking together.
Stuff that seemed to work:
* Some people found that they could replace the fun from alcohol with adrenaline rushes, so they did things like power sports, skydiving, roller coasters, etc. But of course, those tend to be expensive ways of having fun.
* Others cultivated hobbies and then looked for social experiences that aligned with those hobbies. One guy loved pinball so he joined a pinball club in his city. Another joined an adult sports league.
* One guy I know, who also struggled with drug addiction, decided go in a different direction. He felt like he didn't want to replace one addiction with another, so instead he was determined to rewire his brain so he wasn't constantly chasing the next high. He did meditation, mindfulness, self-help exercises, therapy, etc.
I have found that I get fewer questions about my drink if I have the bartender put a lime in the Coke.
2) Get new friends (seriously). If you continue to associate with the same friends, you'll have the same problem and point of view.
3) Let yourself go through the withdrawal of the "fun"
4) Get on with life, figure out what you consider without including alcohol.
I’m currently doing a dry January and I still go out with my friends. There’s plenty of tasty non-alcoholic beverages.
EDIT: I should have said "most recovery programs" rather than specifying 12 step. Please ignore the 12 step part and realize that I'm advising staying away from the people who are part of the OP's problem.
In most groups I've seen, there's really only one person who is the heavy drinker, and they bring everyone else along.
"How do you have fun without alcohol?"
Being sober and being around drunks is never really all that fun, imo.
Dead Comment
A more realistic first step would be to stop hanging out with your alcoholic friends, or at least trying to set very clear boundaries with them so that you avoid situations where you're encouraged or pressured to drink. This might not be possible, in which case you'll have to make some tough decisions about who you allow to stay in your life.
Either way, consider expanding your social circle to include people who don't drink. That group might include people who are sober or trying to achieve sobriety.
Once you're in the right environments and around the right people, it will be easier to find alcohol-free activities that you enjoy.
Day is easier than night. Coffee shops are often open at night and not focused on drinking.
I find it easier to stop at zero drinks than at one. And I find it easier to defer a drink than to turn one down (even to myself). "I'll have this seltzer first, and if I still want a drink afterwards, I can have it then".
Your situation might be mostly social, but if you want something that's nice to drink and 0ABV: seltzer + bitters