A big metal Christmas street ornament installation fell on my head and shoulder as a rode my bike on the street underneath. Briefly on a ventilator. Thankfully can't remember that or the week after personally and mostly recovered over the following weeks, months and years. Kind of like a logarithmic curve; fast at first and then ever slower. From what I was told, that's generally the case and there isn't really anything you can do except accept it and learn to deal with it and just take care of yourself as always. After being able to speak again etc I remember the frustration of feeling tired but subsequently not even being able to deal with previously relaxing things like watching TV or reading a book or listening to music. Pretty much was just sleeping 16 hours, eating and meditating during that time. Had to learn to speak a bit slower (used to speak too fast anyway) to work around damage in that area of my brain. Still get brain fatigue almost every day which gives a subtle strange kind of headache and makes me struggle with words and clumsy etc. I still get stressed a lot more easily and find it more difficult to concentrate. I think my IQ must have dropped; also according to friends. Regardless I've learned to live with it pretty well with a lot of help from experts; kept my job but working 20 hour weeks now, with colleagues shielding me from stress, helping out and accepting when I have a bad week. Also learned that even while I'm tired and feel stupid; that's not the end of the world either and I can still do and enjoy things. All in all I can do most anything again; just for a shorter time and gotten used to it where it now just feels normal. Feel pretty blessed with all the help I got and that I was able to recover as I did. Could have been a lot worse.
Anyhow, yeah, sorry for my rambling. Be careful with your head and carpe diem and all that!
PS: Keep doing fun and challenging things as far as possible. I happened to dance 3 to 4 days a week before; am back to 1 to 2 days now except for Corona measures getting in the way these last years. Think that can help exercise your brain in many ways. Also working and speaking different languages etc.
This book has been a godsend for my chronic pain problems, including, somewhat surprisingly, neurological stuff: https://www.amazon.com/Trigger-Point-Therapy-Workbook-Self-T... (I suggest looking up "whiplash" in the index.) As weird as it sounds, when I massage the muscles around my head and neck, I get noticeable cognitive changes in the minutes and days that follow.
That's terrible. Glad you are on the mend. I know it sounds hokey but it might be worth looking into lion's mane mushrooms as they have had some results with neurogenesis in the brain.
Just over 6 years ago now. I'm still working out my damage claim to the city with my lawyer and was discussing the differences before/after to claim with friends when they gave me their outside perspective*. So that was fine by me. They normally don't mention it; we're just getting on with our lives. Also, to be clear, I'm really not that bad off; I'm used to it and can live a pretty normal life.
*) E.g: Not being as good at board games as before; more forgetful, slower, struggling with words etc. Noticeably also especially in cases where I experience my what I call 'brain fatigue'. A really weird thing to get used to besides the usual physical and sleep types of fatigue. I think it used to be aligned with sleep but now I usually get this before I get that.
Yes, I think most friends would say “don’t worry you weren’t that clever to begin with” or some other friendly jokey thing. I’m not sure offering up their version of the “truth” is helpful at all, they are unlikely to be brain specialists!
I wasn't wearing a helmet; we usually still don't wear those on bicycles in the Netherlands. I do when I'm on a holiday and have thought about wearing it here as well, but still don't to be honest. I guess you could say riding a bike is like going for a walk here if that makes sense to you?
I had a slight brain injury in college, a concussion. Everyone was taking care of the urgent cases, so it took a while to realize that I was no longer tracking anything beyond five minutes at a time.
I almost remember a dream-like experience of sitting in the Emergency Room under observation: they made me sit upright, when I so desperately wanted to lie down and sleep. A good friend sat with me through all that and throughout the night, waking me up every half hour or so. Each time he did so, I would be experiencing the whole shock and fear all over again, asking the same exact questions. After some long hours of this, I "woke up" and started to have a continuous narrative.
I will never forget waking up, staring at the hospital ID tag on my wrist, with the date, May 27th... I could not believe it. I was missing six weeks. What the hell?
I had to sleep a lot that week. In the months that followed, a flash of memory would surface, like a fish jumping out of the pond: a fleeting, flash of silver. I would grab my pocket day planner calendar, and mark down the date that memory illuminated. And so over that summer, I got back almost everything except those final few days before the fall.
It was a year later that I got back the day, just an hour or so before the crash.
First responders said they saw that kind of thing all the time, with guys who had too many beers in them when they whacked themselves in the head. I hadn't had alcohol at the time, but it was college, I bet there was some chronic sleep deprivation in there.
Did I fully recover? I have no idea. It's me. My self.
(The following semester, I had a Philosophy of the Mind class, heavy stuff, Paul Churchland and Professor Searle.
I am actually somewhat thankful I have had this experience, for it is a visceral perspective I cannot imagine inducing on purpose, in a survivable way. Acid or peyote? I don't know. I never tried. Not interested. I've had my ride.)
I absolutely feel that good physical condition -- it was a relatively athletic phase for me -- contributed to the shape of my recovery. And the brain challenges of software and electrical engineering (and philosophy)...
I certainly feel way dumber now, and indeed I flunked half my classes that following semester. But I've had doctors administer IQ tests since, and have gotten the impression that that number didn't change very much.
A good friend of mine has had a life-altering stroke some months after a nearly fatal bicycle crash. His stamina and conditioning still sees him riding as much as 100 miles each weekend, but can no longer speak clearly or walk without some support.
My experience is by no means comparable to his, or to yours. It just drives home the tenuous nature of my experience of reality. It's not just a philosophy class.
Wow, that's an interesting write up of your experience as well! Yeah, an accident can give you a fresh perspective on life. And brain trauma also on your consciousness. I remember really wanting to improve my life afterwards; really digging into therapy for pre existing psychological issues as well. I have to admit I've kind of lost that flame again which I guess is normal after time. But my perspective has definitely also been widened and I think/hope that will last forever.
Such an inspiring story. Glad to hear you're recovering your life.
However I have to say that you are lucky. I doubt the majority of employers would be so kind and accommodating nor would work colleagues be as supportive.
Thanks. Helps that my brother is the CEO Also we have a lot of long term employees for an IT company, feels almost like a family with them. So yeah, very lucky indeed.
City is taking intermediate responsibility and covering costs. They could in turn still claim it from the final responsible party, but I think that's really just them. I'm still working out a final future damage claim for my career etc. Will definitely get something, hopefully enough to help me buy a house.
My brief concussion story, as a software developer.
Stood up after looking through some stuff in a box on the floor, and hit the corner of a heavy mounted wooden shelf. Didn't knock me out; just hurt a lot. But a couple days later, I almost fell over, and I realized using the computer screen made me really dizzy and extra tired. My description of the symptoms to the doctor led him to assert that it did seem to be a mild concussion / traumatic brain injury (TBI).
To keep it brief... I had to take a good 9 days off work and completely away from screens. But by "luck" I was laid off barely a week later (and no it was not in any way tied to my concussion or reduced performance), and only went back 6 months later (small business, pandemic, yadda yadda). When I did, it took months before a day of work didn't leave me extremely fatigued. I discovered over time that I need computer screens to be higher refresh rate - 144Hz works well. And everything should use DC dimming. PWM dimming does not work for me. My phone is 90Hz, but I don't use it nearly as much and I hope to someday get a decent, affordable 144Hz one with DC dimming.
I think now about 16 months later, I still get can dizzy and fatigued from prolonged screen use.
That's really interesting. I'm not brain damaged (at least not more than most people, heh) but I always had a pretty strong preference for higher refresh rate screens. They just seem calmer to me. Never had an issue with dimming but I'll take your anecdote as a canary in the coal mine on DC vs PWM. It's probably better for everyone to avoid flickering even if we don't notice there's a problem.
I concussed myself (because yes, I was at fault) trying to swing on some monkey bars during an evening involving some rather excellent (hard) cider in Bristol. I felt ... "wrong"? ... for maybe two or three months afterwards. Just never at ease. Forgetful. A bit confused and detached. I didn't even realize the fall was the cause until long after the hangover went away, but the hangover .. sort of didn't go away.
Until it did. No guarantees, but it's possible everything can turn out okay. I have a whole new set of worries, but my noggin isn't one of them.
Sorry to hear that. I've had a few concussions, too, and there is definitely a psychological component. I found myself thinking "Is how I reacted to stimuli X because of the concussions, or due to a flaw in my character?"
One day I realized that I am who I am; no A/B test can be done for my life with and without concussions. Causal inference can't be done by comparing experiences pre and post concussion. At most, it helps guide me as learn to deal with situations better - but not much more.
Still get tired, but fasting helps me stay productive.
Quite right. You don’t even need a concussion to have this quandary. Low blood sugar, lacking sleep, too much/little caffeine, stressful day, etc, all affect how I react but in all cases it was me albeit not at my best.
A friend of mine was recently in a mountain bike accident in which she hit her head. Despite her helmet, she sustained a concussion. Her experience mirrors yours almost identically, including the timeline.
I had a brain injury a few years ago and I literally am not the same person. Be careful with your head, folks. It’s really easy to permanently change your existence.
I have lesions in my brain. It is probably toxic leukoencephalopathy, but no one knows. Some neurologists say it is MS, but we do not know anything for sure. People probably does not or would not believe me, but opiates are the only thing that help with a lot of my symptoms. I do not get messed up on them like others. I get no euphoria. It works for me just like alprazolam (Xanax) does. The problem with benzodiazepines (e.g. alprazolam) is that I get a quick tolerance build-up, and I become tolerant after just 2 weeks, and when it works, it does not work as well as opiates do. Opiates have been keeping me productive and focusing on my future, otherwise I live in the past, I am stuck in the past, and I am an emotional wreck.
I had a couple of appointments with my neurologist. She saw me with and without opiates. The first time she saw me while I was being on opiates, she told me how much better I look and all that. If I told her that the difference between the two was opiates, I bet she would approve of its use in my case.
In any case, this is what works for me, and I have been through a lot of psychiatric medications without any success. Opiates are not really an issue at all. I get regular blood tests done, I get MRIs done and so forth... everything seems to be fine, otherwise I would not use it. Constipation is the only issue, but I take magnesium citrate for that.
I would like to add that I wish I did not have to depend on opiates or anything at all, I would rather prefer that, but this is what it is. I am happy I found something that works for me after so many unsuccessful attempts. I found it by accident, even.
My regards, and this is purely out of curiosity so feel free to ignore if I'm overstepping -- how are you "not the same person?" Can you tell what you "should" be like? Did you previously enjoy certain things that you don't anymore?
I’m not the parent, but I had a moment where I physically felt something “break” in my brain (stress related), and ever since then I haven’t been the same person.
The feeling is hard to articulate, but I no longer connect to my feelings or thoughts in the ways I had been accustomed to.
My new behaviors and patterns are somewhat destructive to the life I was building prior to my “break,” and it’s incredibly maddening and depressing trying to balance “good for new me” and “good for the life old me built and the people he loved.”
It goes way beyond not simply enjoying the things I used to enjoy any more.
Not the parent commenter, but I have had a complete change of self.
After my psychotic break and starting treatment for bipolar, I was a shell of a person. I had the opportunity to become anyone I wanted to be. I picked what I thought my best traits were from my last self and started on a journey of self discovery.
I vaguely remember my previous self and he had completely different motivations. The only similarities I recognize are things I decided to keep.
To keep this bit brief, my interests changed in ways I didn’t expect. My previous self would never have shamelessly written pornography.
My previous self used to care what people thought of him. I don’t. I only care about the consequences of how people see me. This doesn’t make a sociopath because I do care about how people feel. I want to communicate effectively. I try to tailor my actions so other people feel I am listening and that I care, because I do. My previous self wasn’t so explicitly and logically calculating about relationships.
My previous self was brutally honest. I try to be kind when confrontation or blunt honesty is necessary.
Overall, my maturity increased by about 20 years in the last 3 years. My previous self is a person I’m not fond of.
I just dimly remember being sharper and faster previously. It’s hard to pin down the precise changes more than that. Work is harder. Focusing is harder.
Same. 2006. (In hindsight) I had some frontal lobe related issues beforehand, so it’s hard to really “blame” one thing or the other.
Overall, not worth the insurance settlement. If anything, the idea that I cashed out ended up alienating me from my entire support network. Friends and family, people I’d just met who had been told my story before hand… Yuck. Glad to now run in different circles selected for maturity this time.
The brain is a very flexible thing of meat, even destroyed or damaged partways can recover, by shifting in adjunct areas.
There are cases, were people destroyed the centers for speech with drinking and recovered the ability by shifting it into other areas.
So to heal, one needs to rekindle the obsession and basically keep the request for the functionality constantly open. It is hard though, amounting to basically retrain a area of your brain for a different functionality.
One addition. As doctor, one gets a very good view of the finiteness of human life. This "grown up" perspective, is then expected from patients, who instead expect a miracle head electrician that can fix everything in an instant up to/not yet included neural death.
When I was in high school one of our teachers died suddenly of an aneurysm. I hadn’t really realised up to that point that the human body could just… fail… like that. Triggered a bit of an existential crisis tbh.
About ten years ago I had the right side of my face go limp. I was under the most stress of my life, in a management position I was not built for. After a CT scan, ER told me it wasn’t a stroke rather stress induced trigeminal neuralgia. I’m not convinced that’s what it was.
They gave me some anti-inflammatories for my nerves and sent me on my way, and everything seem to get better. I quit that job within about a week, and I’ve never experienced that kind of stress since.
It took me a long time to notice but my face still kind of droops on that side, and I don’t think I ever went back to feeling … normal. I genuinely feel like my personality changed, but maybe that was just the stress’s effect on my life, I don’t know.
The point of my story is who we are is just so much more malleable than one would think in our day-to-day lives.
This sounds like Bells Palsy, not neuralgia. I had it and have seen one other person have it. The cause is unknown but it clears up on its own over months. That side of my face is still a touch droopy but it gives me character.
Yeah, sounds terrible. I wonder what medical treatment he's seeking? My understanding is that there wasn't much you can do other than rest https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/concussion/di... but there must be something hopeful if he's willing to move states to seek it.
I was (am?) a fairly high iq person, national merit scholarship, 99.8%tile SAT scores, etc. Degree in mathematics, compsci.
I had a stroke in my 30s, and it was thankfully mild (slight dysarthria that went away in a month) but I'm certain it impacted my intelligence and ability to concentrate. I can't focus/concentrate for long sessions anymore. I used to be able study without problem until the need to sleep kicked in, but now I get tired/distracted after only a short time even if I'm well rested. I find complicated math significantly harder to learn than I did prior to the stroke.
When I complained about this to my local PCP he would only run normal post-stroke cognitive tests like word recall, naming places/things, etc. "You test normal".
So I got a 2nd evaluation from a neurologist at Mayo.
Feedback was basically the same thing. He diagnosed mild depression, suggesting that could be part of it, and offered an anti-depression med, also threw in a "you're getting older so can expect some slowdown" for good measure.
I probably should have took it because the clear-to-me-loss of ability, with my doctors not seeming to give a shit, or even talk about it left me with no hope or plan to recover it has made me want to kill myself at times over the years. (I'm fine now, not a threat or risk).
I still read and try and just do my best even though my best isn't what it used to be, and count myself lucky that the stroke didn't leave me disabled or with permanent apparent deficiencies.
I just wish it were easier to find doctors interested in helping you be the best you can instead of simply not broken.
Often the treatment includes visual therapy, but it can also include special glasses, eye patches, therapy for balance, psychotherapy, exercise programs, inflammation management, sleep quality, and a lot more.
It really depend on the exact issues and symptoms involved. Maybe the visual system is damaged, or the vestibular (balance) or other areas. Thankfully, the brain is incredibly fault tolerant, so it can still find workarounds and co-op other systems to make up some of the difference.
But the workarounds are less efficient and this creates a tremendous load on attention and working memory. In hardware terms, imagine you're playing some graphics-heavy game and your GPU gets fried. The CPU can still run it, but it'll be really laggy and overheated. Luckily the brain can (sometimes) heal and rebuild broken systems. But it takes work.
Somewhere around 90% of concussion suffers have visual problems. Poor tracking, double vision, light sensitivity, difficulty focusing. Their brain compensates so well they might not even notice, but that sort of thing interferes with memory and wears out the brain really quickly. Therapy involving eye tracking, smooth pursuits, focusing practice and the like can get your brain to repair or rebuild those skills. That frees up all that processing power and gets you feeling more normal.
I'm not sure if the submitter is Scotty from the video, but I'm sorry to hear this. I hit my head on a rock surfing almost 4 months ago and have been dealing with similar issues. I don't have any tips or tricks to share about relieving symptoms, but just wanted to share in case it's helpful in any way to know there are others, because just watching this video was helpful for me.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk more about your experience with someone
Jan of 2021 I fell on a small wave ~2ft. I hit the water with the side of my face in a strange way that felt like a moderate slap but didn't think much of it. I kept surfing and caught plenty more waves. A couple days later I noticed I was very tired and couldn't focus. Finally I figured out I had a concussion, took a few days off work and got better within a week.
In Oct I fell again, in the same strange way, but this time from a much higher height. I didn't blackout but I immediately knew it was not good. My symptoms have still not fully resolved 2 months later. The skin on the left side of my head is at times extra sensitive and at times borderline numb. I frequently have trouble focusing and have ended up taking 50% sick time to recover. The good news is that overall the symptoms are getting better.
I've surfed for over 20 years and fallen on significantly larger, more critical waves with no injury. Losing the ability to focus and think clearly is terrible, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I also believe that because it's not a visible injury (ie I'm not walking around with crutches) it's harder for others to empathize with. Thankfully I feel supported by my employer, but I now believe that head injury severity likely goes undiagnosed and certainly under-appreciated in our society. The falls I took were very minor, if it can happen from that, my guess is it's more frequent that we realize.
If I understood you correctly, you only hit water, nothing solid? That that was able to cause concussion-like symptoms makes me suspect you might have some other underlying condition that made you vulnerable. But I'm playing Dr. House without any medical training.
I experienced this summer of 2020 on the California central coast. Symptoms lasted for about a month. Happened again around December 2020.
I had been on a high-carb low fat diet for a few months before the first incident. I think that may have made me more vulnerable to inflammation issues. I've since switched back to a higher (healthy) fat diet. Fat is protective for the brain.
I had a brain tumor removed 2 years ago, and I have very similar symptoms still, although everything seems to be improving. I don't know how comparable these situations are medically, but I do know it is very difficult to find doctors who will listen or even group for people who have had brain injuries, except for random online message boards etc. It is extremely frustrating to not know if this is normal, or psychosomatic, if it will last forever, or what.
My friend was hit in the head by a heavy piece of metal and suffered an injury. He had to fight workers compensation tooth and nail to get any help and all they would do is say you seem able to work. He could if he was on a good day. But other days he struggled to work a few hours. He is one of the hardest workers I’ve ever know so truly believe he was not well. I’m not sure the point of my comment other then it is really horrible if you get a brain jury he struggled with not only work but personal life as well after.
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Anyhow, yeah, sorry for my rambling. Be careful with your head and carpe diem and all that!
PS: Keep doing fun and challenging things as far as possible. I happened to dance 3 to 4 days a week before; am back to 1 to 2 days now except for Corona measures getting in the way these last years. Think that can help exercise your brain in many ways. Also working and speaking different languages etc.
*) E.g: Not being as good at board games as before; more forgetful, slower, struggling with words etc. Noticeably also especially in cases where I experience my what I call 'brain fatigue'. A really weird thing to get used to besides the usual physical and sleep types of fatigue. I think it used to be aligned with sleep but now I usually get this before I get that.
I had a slight brain injury in college, a concussion. Everyone was taking care of the urgent cases, so it took a while to realize that I was no longer tracking anything beyond five minutes at a time.
I almost remember a dream-like experience of sitting in the Emergency Room under observation: they made me sit upright, when I so desperately wanted to lie down and sleep. A good friend sat with me through all that and throughout the night, waking me up every half hour or so. Each time he did so, I would be experiencing the whole shock and fear all over again, asking the same exact questions. After some long hours of this, I "woke up" and started to have a continuous narrative.
I will never forget waking up, staring at the hospital ID tag on my wrist, with the date, May 27th... I could not believe it. I was missing six weeks. What the hell?
I had to sleep a lot that week. In the months that followed, a flash of memory would surface, like a fish jumping out of the pond: a fleeting, flash of silver. I would grab my pocket day planner calendar, and mark down the date that memory illuminated. And so over that summer, I got back almost everything except those final few days before the fall.
It was a year later that I got back the day, just an hour or so before the crash.
First responders said they saw that kind of thing all the time, with guys who had too many beers in them when they whacked themselves in the head. I hadn't had alcohol at the time, but it was college, I bet there was some chronic sleep deprivation in there.
Did I fully recover? I have no idea. It's me. My self.
(The following semester, I had a Philosophy of the Mind class, heavy stuff, Paul Churchland and Professor Searle.
I am actually somewhat thankful I have had this experience, for it is a visceral perspective I cannot imagine inducing on purpose, in a survivable way. Acid or peyote? I don't know. I never tried. Not interested. I've had my ride.)
I absolutely feel that good physical condition -- it was a relatively athletic phase for me -- contributed to the shape of my recovery. And the brain challenges of software and electrical engineering (and philosophy)...
I certainly feel way dumber now, and indeed I flunked half my classes that following semester. But I've had doctors administer IQ tests since, and have gotten the impression that that number didn't change very much.
A good friend of mine has had a life-altering stroke some months after a nearly fatal bicycle crash. His stamina and conditioning still sees him riding as much as 100 miles each weekend, but can no longer speak clearly or walk without some support.
My experience is by no means comparable to his, or to yours. It just drives home the tenuous nature of my experience of reality. It's not just a philosophy class.
However I have to say that you are lucky. I doubt the majority of employers would be so kind and accommodating nor would work colleagues be as supportive.
Stood up after looking through some stuff in a box on the floor, and hit the corner of a heavy mounted wooden shelf. Didn't knock me out; just hurt a lot. But a couple days later, I almost fell over, and I realized using the computer screen made me really dizzy and extra tired. My description of the symptoms to the doctor led him to assert that it did seem to be a mild concussion / traumatic brain injury (TBI).
To keep it brief... I had to take a good 9 days off work and completely away from screens. But by "luck" I was laid off barely a week later (and no it was not in any way tied to my concussion or reduced performance), and only went back 6 months later (small business, pandemic, yadda yadda). When I did, it took months before a day of work didn't leave me extremely fatigued. I discovered over time that I need computer screens to be higher refresh rate - 144Hz works well. And everything should use DC dimming. PWM dimming does not work for me. My phone is 90Hz, but I don't use it nearly as much and I hope to someday get a decent, affordable 144Hz one with DC dimming.
I think now about 16 months later, I still get can dizzy and fatigued from prolonged screen use.
Jesus I do something like that every other week. Now it all makes sense why I'm such a dumb ass.
Until it did. No guarantees, but it's possible everything can turn out okay. I have a whole new set of worries, but my noggin isn't one of them.
One day I realized that I am who I am; no A/B test can be done for my life with and without concussions. Causal inference can't be done by comparing experiences pre and post concussion. At most, it helps guide me as learn to deal with situations better - but not much more.
Still get tired, but fasting helps me stay productive.
Quite right. You don’t even need a concussion to have this quandary. Low blood sugar, lacking sleep, too much/little caffeine, stressful day, etc, all affect how I react but in all cases it was me albeit not at my best.
I had a couple of appointments with my neurologist. She saw me with and without opiates. The first time she saw me while I was being on opiates, she told me how much better I look and all that. If I told her that the difference between the two was opiates, I bet she would approve of its use in my case.
In any case, this is what works for me, and I have been through a lot of psychiatric medications without any success. Opiates are not really an issue at all. I get regular blood tests done, I get MRIs done and so forth... everything seems to be fine, otherwise I would not use it. Constipation is the only issue, but I take magnesium citrate for that.
I would like to add that I wish I did not have to depend on opiates or anything at all, I would rather prefer that, but this is what it is. I am happy I found something that works for me after so many unsuccessful attempts. I found it by accident, even.
Also, Tysabri is effective. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natalizumab
Hoping you get better.
The feeling is hard to articulate, but I no longer connect to my feelings or thoughts in the ways I had been accustomed to.
My new behaviors and patterns are somewhat destructive to the life I was building prior to my “break,” and it’s incredibly maddening and depressing trying to balance “good for new me” and “good for the life old me built and the people he loved.”
It goes way beyond not simply enjoying the things I used to enjoy any more.
Deleted Comment
After my psychotic break and starting treatment for bipolar, I was a shell of a person. I had the opportunity to become anyone I wanted to be. I picked what I thought my best traits were from my last self and started on a journey of self discovery.
I vaguely remember my previous self and he had completely different motivations. The only similarities I recognize are things I decided to keep.
To keep this bit brief, my interests changed in ways I didn’t expect. My previous self would never have shamelessly written pornography.
My previous self used to care what people thought of him. I don’t. I only care about the consequences of how people see me. This doesn’t make a sociopath because I do care about how people feel. I want to communicate effectively. I try to tailor my actions so other people feel I am listening and that I care, because I do. My previous self wasn’t so explicitly and logically calculating about relationships.
My previous self was brutally honest. I try to be kind when confrontation or blunt honesty is necessary.
Overall, my maturity increased by about 20 years in the last 3 years. My previous self is a person I’m not fond of.
Overall, not worth the insurance settlement. If anything, the idea that I cashed out ended up alienating me from my entire support network. Friends and family, people I’d just met who had been told my story before hand… Yuck. Glad to now run in different circles selected for maturity this time.
It's not like we can sell brain injuries at every corner store to change peoples' lives.
There are cases, were people destroyed the centers for speech with drinking and recovered the ability by shifting it into other areas.
So to heal, one needs to rekindle the obsession and basically keep the request for the functionality constantly open. It is hard though, amounting to basically retrain a area of your brain for a different functionality.
One addition. As doctor, one gets a very good view of the finiteness of human life. This "grown up" perspective, is then expected from patients, who instead expect a miracle head electrician that can fix everything in an instant up to/not yet included neural death.
We all can end, any day.
In your sleep, one stroke and its over.
Such is the world.
Carpe Diem, Memento Mori.
They gave me some anti-inflammatories for my nerves and sent me on my way, and everything seem to get better. I quit that job within about a week, and I’ve never experienced that kind of stress since.
It took me a long time to notice but my face still kind of droops on that side, and I don’t think I ever went back to feeling … normal. I genuinely feel like my personality changed, but maybe that was just the stress’s effect on my life, I don’t know.
The point of my story is who we are is just so much more malleable than one would think in our day-to-day lives.
I was (am?) a fairly high iq person, national merit scholarship, 99.8%tile SAT scores, etc. Degree in mathematics, compsci.
I had a stroke in my 30s, and it was thankfully mild (slight dysarthria that went away in a month) but I'm certain it impacted my intelligence and ability to concentrate. I can't focus/concentrate for long sessions anymore. I used to be able study without problem until the need to sleep kicked in, but now I get tired/distracted after only a short time even if I'm well rested. I find complicated math significantly harder to learn than I did prior to the stroke.
When I complained about this to my local PCP he would only run normal post-stroke cognitive tests like word recall, naming places/things, etc. "You test normal".
So I got a 2nd evaluation from a neurologist at Mayo.
Feedback was basically the same thing. He diagnosed mild depression, suggesting that could be part of it, and offered an anti-depression med, also threw in a "you're getting older so can expect some slowdown" for good measure.
I probably should have took it because the clear-to-me-loss of ability, with my doctors not seeming to give a shit, or even talk about it left me with no hope or plan to recover it has made me want to kill myself at times over the years. (I'm fine now, not a threat or risk).
I still read and try and just do my best even though my best isn't what it used to be, and count myself lucky that the stroke didn't leave me disabled or with permanent apparent deficiencies.
I just wish it were easier to find doctors interested in helping you be the best you can instead of simply not broken.
It really depend on the exact issues and symptoms involved. Maybe the visual system is damaged, or the vestibular (balance) or other areas. Thankfully, the brain is incredibly fault tolerant, so it can still find workarounds and co-op other systems to make up some of the difference.
But the workarounds are less efficient and this creates a tremendous load on attention and working memory. In hardware terms, imagine you're playing some graphics-heavy game and your GPU gets fried. The CPU can still run it, but it'll be really laggy and overheated. Luckily the brain can (sometimes) heal and rebuild broken systems. But it takes work.
Somewhere around 90% of concussion suffers have visual problems. Poor tracking, double vision, light sensitivity, difficulty focusing. Their brain compensates so well they might not even notice, but that sort of thing interferes with memory and wears out the brain really quickly. Therapy involving eye tracking, smooth pursuits, focusing practice and the like can get your brain to repair or rebuild those skills. That frees up all that processing power and gets you feeling more normal.
The Shaken Brain by Elizabeth Sandel goes into the known science of concussions. Highly recommended if you've had one. https://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674987418
Heart, gonads (testicles), lung, kidneys, liver, stomach, pancreas, limbs.
But you can't transplant a brain out into a new body. Take care!
Feel free to message me if you want to talk more about your experience with someone
In Oct I fell again, in the same strange way, but this time from a much higher height. I didn't blackout but I immediately knew it was not good. My symptoms have still not fully resolved 2 months later. The skin on the left side of my head is at times extra sensitive and at times borderline numb. I frequently have trouble focusing and have ended up taking 50% sick time to recover. The good news is that overall the symptoms are getting better.
I've surfed for over 20 years and fallen on significantly larger, more critical waves with no injury. Losing the ability to focus and think clearly is terrible, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I also believe that because it's not a visible injury (ie I'm not walking around with crutches) it's harder for others to empathize with. Thankfully I feel supported by my employer, but I now believe that head injury severity likely goes undiagnosed and certainly under-appreciated in our society. The falls I took were very minor, if it can happen from that, my guess is it's more frequent that we realize.
https://www.reddit.com/r/surfing/comments/q34gv1/sterling_sp...
Tons of comments from surfers experiences there.
Check out the book:
The Concussion Repair Manual by Dr. Dan Engle
I experienced this summer of 2020 on the California central coast. Symptoms lasted for about a month. Happened again around December 2020.
I had been on a high-carb low fat diet for a few months before the first incident. I think that may have made me more vulnerable to inflammation issues. I've since switched back to a higher (healthy) fat diet. Fat is protective for the brain.