In the past years I've been quite diluted in my personal and professional life. Changed several jobs, and in my hobbies, I am jumping from one project to another. How do you stay focused? How do you find 1 thing you are really good at and stick with it? Is there a book or a blog teaching this? Although, it seems quite trivial, for me this is a huge live hurdle. Any tips are highly appreciated!
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I'm in the 40-45 year old range and assuming you are much younger. Apologies if we are closer in age, since this advice will carry less value.
I have often been envious of people who were more focused than I am. I feel they have been able to make more progress in a given amount of time. I worked as a mover in Boston into my mid twenties, spent a bunch of time trying to become an elite athlete, climbed big mountains, eventually learned to code, got involved in some early ecommerce businesses, eventually video gaming industry, and finally a principle engineer for the playback technology we use on Disney+.
I was complaining about my lack of focus to an old college mate, and he posed an extremely relevant question: "Do you regret your experiences?"
No, I don't. Not one bit. The experiences I've gathered are assets which build on each other, leading to more and more valuable experiences.
I have an objective of starting my own company, even at this ripe old age, and I am more confident than ever that I'll be successful at it. I have the experiences I need to pursue just about any dream.
Go out and get experiences. If your personality is such that you get a varied scope of experience, it will serve you well. Don't fight it.
The OPs advice is excellent. You can't find out what you're good at without first going wide. Mistakes will abound but you need to pin some meta skills
1. Avoiding things that are high probability dead ends. They might not be but you should have instinct for not pulling back on a path when it doesn't seem to be worthwhile.
2. Ability to make tough calls and execute - Abandoning things that you "always wanted to do but never had the time for", fixing personality problems that you know are holding you back but you always just ignore (e.g. false pride, procrastination etc.)
3. Develop skill stacks rather than deep specialisation. My brother writes and my sister draws. I do calligraphy and I tell people that I draw better than my brother and write better than my sister. In a similar vein, if you've got experience in a certain area, learning a useful skill that others in the area don't have will make you super valuable in that area.
4. Be resilient. If you're ambitious (as I gather you are), you're going to nurture that and while the process is worthwhile, it's blood unpleasant. There's a constant feeling of dissatisfaction that sometimes borders on an almost pathologically inability to celebrate a victory. You're going to have to make these calls as you figure out what you want to do and where.
Finally, once you do figure out something that you're good at and can make a living out of, dive deep and constantly get better at it. Start saying no to other stuff and become a narrow expert. Don't let all your exploratory experience and outlook become a handicap. It served you well to find your destiny but there is a time when you have to discard it. That's easier said than done but it's a must.
Good luck!
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-021-25477-8
I also wanna start my company. But I wonder: Will I ever stick? Will I have the grit and the passion to pursue one topic for the next 5-7 years. What's your thinking on this?
Btw, they call us "multipotentialites"...
This talks about Munger’s concept of multi-disciplines and using lutiple “models” in life. https://25iq.com/2015/08/22/a-dozen-things-ive-learned-from-...
I will say, I was able to get my company off the ground and white labeled it for a much larger company. I ended up hating the product in the end, 10 years later - because I was sole founder and every single thing I had to do myself.
I think you will be able to stick with it ( especially when there is no other choice ! ) , but you might end up hating it.
Thank you for this. I’m closer to your age and looking back I missed the train of ultra specialization.
There is however alchemy to experience and sometimes completely unrelated experiences catalyze awareness and abilities in unimagined ways.
What would have he said if the answer was yes?
Experiences are not equal, you can have a series of events that not even can time can fix to make them look/feel better.
You "are" "good at" nothing.
You are not a block of marble with David inside, something to be chipped away at until it is apparent for all to see.
You are a ball of clay, malleable, reshapable and shapeless, fluid and formed, able to absorb new bits and grow into something wildly different, day by day if needed.
Try some growth mindset handbooks and techniques to reframe your thinking.
I thought that was an interesting observation but I'd like to suggest expanding it to physical activity in general rather than specifically powerlifting. There are many different activities (for example HIIT, martial arts, gymnastics, rock climbing just to name a few) that will make a significant physical change in your body. When you stick to one of those activities and document your progress with data, photos, etc there's something about seeing that change happen to the blob of matter that is "you" that really expands what you consider achievable for yourself.
For background I'm in my mid 50s, never did weight training in my life before 2019. I've progressed more I thought I could and my muscle tone and strength is better than it's ever been in my life.
However none of this has changed my outlook on work, or accomplishing other stuff in general. It hasn't unlocked any new drive or energy or passion. I don't feel like a different person from before. In fact I am tired earlier in the evening and sleep more now.
I don't say this to be discouraging but personally I've never found that "just do this one thing you're not doing" will make a dramatic difference aside from getting better at doing that thing. If you want to get strong, lift weights. That's good in its own right. It may or may not change anything else in your life.
As an armchair gymmer, this routine lacks pull exercises for back musculature. Add row pulls or pullups!
If the complete answer to "How to find what I am good at?" would be "You are a malleable ball of clay", then what? Go for whatever seems tempting? Go for becoming a rockstar? You might answer "If that is what you really want". Then we are back to OP's question. The shiny rockstar career might seem tempting for a few months or years. And then frustration kicks in like for 90% of wannabe rockstars.
The question what path is the right one for a person is still legit.
Also, "Be a rockstar" is not a smart goal to pursue (in that it has a high probability of failure), but playing an instrument with some level of mastery is. If you base your satisfaction on goals with a strong degree of randomness or innate ability to their achievement, you will probably be unsatisfied. Better to base goals on things you can (almost) fully control.
But even aside from the core of the argument, I find your phraseology oddly formulaic. It's ironic you're accusing the OP of having a "fixed mindset" when so much of your contributed "opinion" is clearly copypasted from books. I'd suggest opening your own mindset to forming a worldview of your own rather than following growth gurus so blindly.
It's true, comment boards reward the "oddly formulaic" - cliches and well-worn passages carry extra weight.
They also lead to weird leaps of illogic, like your assumption I follow any growth gurus at all!
Happy to have a longer conversation offline if you'd rather address a man instead of a strawman.
So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13525945-so-good-they-ca...)
Also see my sibling comment above.
You, meaning anyone, could probably practice hard and join the upper x% of just about anything (setting aside things like the NBA that overvalue nature). What x is, well that is subject to debate. So is the source of motivation, and that is almost the most important thing.
[1] Peak, by K. Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool [2] talent code, by Daniel Coyle
Growth mindset has literally nothing to do with "top notch performance", or a guaranteed way to achieve success in any and every field of practice.
It's simply a framing exercise for how you handle failure and how you approach new topics and challenges.
And I will cheerfully disagree, many top notch musicians can't sing, and many great singers are no musicians. You could have been great - you could still be great!
But effort and persistence is a much wider gulf than talent.
Instead, you do what you are interested in, and initially you are not good at it, and with enough time, effort, working at learning and practicing, you will become good at it.
Because of the imprecise way the op phrased his question, I think you've misinterpreted it. I agree with sibling comment (jstx1) that op is not asking about "good" as a skill-level change from beginner to expert.
Instead, the op is asking something like... "How do I find the one activity that really activates the dopamine reward feedback loop in my brain which in turn makes it effortless to stay focused on it because I'm magically in that flow state?"
And because most people who ask the above question are not clinical psychologists using precise scientific language... they end up expressing it in the lower-resolution form of, "How do find the thing I'm good at?"
But then language lawyers laser focus on the word "good" and think op is asking about skill... which leads to "well you can't get good at a skill unless you practice that skill" ... which isn't really what the op was asking.
>Instead, you do what you are interested in,
Yes, and that's the step the op is having difficulty with. Lots of people are trying to find that thing that really interests them to trigger more success in their professional careers.
I'm not a naturally great programmer. I mean, I'm not bad - I get the job done. But I know that there are plenty of folks out there for which it comes much more easily.
However - programming very consistently puts me into a flow state. My workdays pass quickly (in a good way), and for the most part I enjoy what I do. As a result I've found myself learning and growing at a consistent rate over the years.
Am I going to be the best programmer in the world? Absolutely not. But I found a career that I enjoy on a day to day basis, and I can well provide for my family.
I think a lot of people, including myself, waste way too much time trying to find the magic spot in the ven diagram between their genetic ability and a career in which they will end up a virtuoso rockstar. For most people, I think this is a waste of time. The key thing is: I don't think you have to be great at something in order for it to be a good conduit for focus.
Try things, if you stumble on something that engages your focus and passes the time, do that thing more. Especially if it pays.
My buddy, literally, couldn't spell "girl" in high school ("does it end in an 'e'?") and calculating percentages? Naw. But he could rebuild an engine and transmission and could identify a plane in the sky by the engine sound and then give a mini-history lesson on the plane, especially if it was involved in war. Then he discovered geology and hydrology.
Now he had a reason to spell (pride in his reports) and aced chemistry (equations and all) and regularly does calculations in his head. I posit the difference was "interest." Once something is interesting, it is much easier to learn about it. Similarly, his dad couldn't get calculus to stick until he saw applications in finance, then the door swung open.
For me, I find most things interesting and people think I'm smarter than I am because of it. However, when it comes to medical/bio stuff, I can't keep it in my head. I superficially like knowing about how sugars are processed by the body but I never remember the pathways and differences between glucose, sucrose, and fructose. It is not of enough interest to stick.
I think the real super power is to convince yourself to actually be interested in a thing.
OP is not asking "how do I find something that grabs my attention", but rather "how do I find something I'm naturally really good at". The implication is that what grabs my attention and holds it tight is out of necessity what I am naturally talented.
Sorry for questioning such a status quo assumption but I don't see how my day 1 or week 1 experience doing anything is an indicator that I'll be enjoying it in year 1 and many years later, or that it's even worth investing time to improve it. It's a nice place to start the exploration, so I'll give it that.
You want to find something that:
1. You enjoy, are interested in, makes you happy etc.,
2. You are naturally good at it, ie. you are talented, will be competitive,
3. Is appreciated by others, ie. they will pay you to do it.
The luckiest people get all three in abundance. Others have to find a balance and compromise on one or the other. 3 can be a deal breaker but you can do without much of either 1 or 2, but not both. However, you will always be at a disadvantage to those who have both 1 and 2.
For example, there is (currently) so much demand for programmers that IMO you really don’t need to be naturally gifted in order to have a very strong career.
However, want to be a professional violinist? That’s a different story.
I would like to add though that "being good at something" is not the path to enlightenment. Try "something you enjoy" instead, and you may be happier in the end. Given an initial epsilon of talent, the above adage posits that you will get better at it, and in my experience, motivation to do a task is central predictor of how good you will become at it.
There is a fundamental shift of perspective that I think is necessary for people to find work that will fulfill them. More important is to look at what things you enjoy, and then figuring out what exactly appeals to you, really understanding yourself and how you tick, and how that can be applied elsewhere.
I spent much of my childhood gaming (CS, Battlefield, Starcraft, Warcraft 3, Deus Ex, C&C RA2, Dune 2, etc.). It was fun, sure, and going by "look for something you enjoy", maybe I should've become a pro-gamer. But if I look at how I actually spent my time, there are much different conclusions to be drawn about what I like. I liked being in a team with a collective goal. I liked the communication (and arguing). I liked solving situational challenges. I liked being challenged. I liked researching strategies, techniques, and everything around metagaming (countless hours "wasted" on TeamLiquid). I liked learning new things and incrementally improving my skills. I liked documenting and explaining things. It's 100% clear how that translated in a career context, but at first glance, shooting people in CS was just "fun".
This might be an off beat chance, but have you had a history of or ever looked into the topic of adult ADHD?
Changing several jobs, jumping between hobbies or projects is textbook ADHD, especially if you don't feel like you can get out of it and describe it as a "huge live hurdle".
That is the same for me. Got diagnosed at 30 two months ago.
If you have a suspicion you might have it, I highly recommend doing a quick online test and listening to podcasts around getting an ADHD diagnosis as well as personal tales from people who have it.
Especially the latter were a real eye opener for me and pushed me to get a diagnosis.
The point is, no amount of effort, book reading, motivational speeches or the like will get you out of this pattern.
ADHD is a neurological dysfunction, hence medication is most effective.
With ADHD, it's 'the medication' that is being sold. Often, the doctor's client is actually the amphetamine derivative supplier, and the product being sold (on a commission basis) is the patient.
Amphetamine addiction results in the patient feeling bad when they run out of their powerful stimulant drugs, and the resulting feelings of malaise tend to confirm the patient's belief that they have a neurological disorder (rather than just suffering from the standard set of problems that come with regular amphetamine use).
It blows my mind that especially in American society we are so accepting of putting millions of people on amphetamines to solve attention disorders. Anyone who has gone through higher-ed in the past 10 years knows a huge number of students are on these meds, and even if they suffer some of attention disorder, they are likely at a large advantage after adding the drugs. I'd love to see the percentage of med school students on these drugs.
The only thing I can say for anyone reading this is to know that everyone has symptoms of ADHD from time to time. Clinical diagnosis looks over your entire life history for consistency of symptoms. So keep that in mind.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, it was a great relief and surprise at how effective stimulants work. I have struggled my entire life, and have burned myself out multiple times trying to maintain a balance in my life. There's a huge mental burden every day. Trying to remember what you need to do, remember the best strategies to stay on track, spiking anxiety, feelings of guilt and shame, which can spiral into depression.
These sorts of judgement statements, dismissive words from family or friends, and indifference from the public over mental health has kept many people from seeking treatment for a very wide range of issues.
We need more empathy towards the fact that mental health IS health. We need more insurance support for these issues (because it's expensive!). Furthermore, we need more empathy and support towards those that do get addicted to ANYTHING. Addiction is not limited to drugs.
Starting with the assumption that people are drug abusers is damaging, and is entirely faulty.
I can tell you where I am it's only just being realised how _under-diagnosed_ it is for those with primarily internal presentation. Those who are diagnosed later in life have often survived due to above average intelligence and internalising debilitating coping mechanisms their entire lives that finally buckle under the strain of large, stressful life events in adulthood (children, divorce, financial stress, change to managerial work etc.)
To the second paragraph: Maybe in the US, and that's unfortunate but a lot of places in the world they are controlled drugs requiring a psychiatric diagnosis, sometimes with an EEG maybe a drug test.
Common stimulants like Adderall, Ritalin, dexamphetamines, work on the ADHD brain differently. Running out at normal prescribed doses in line with your condition won't result in "withdrawal" or malaise as a result of stopping. Any malaise is probably comorbid depression, which is common for those who have been undiagnosed. Often the ADHD is misdiagnosed as depression when the depression is merely the symptom.
I'm not sure what you are trying to get at in your final point but by this stage it's clear you have some deep biases with little to back-up your observations and are perpetuating the views that stigmatise ADHD sufferers.
I'm also wondering why you believe doctors are writing scripts for ADHD medications willy-nilly, then sending patients on their merry way. In my experience, the opposite is true:
When someone with ADHD moves across state lines in the US, their new general practitioner doctor typically needs confirmation from an in-state psychiatrist (MD) before they'll write a prescription - even if you've been taking the same medication at the same dosage for years prior. GPs sometimes require that the patient be undergoing therapy too, which is a lot to coordinate on top of a cross-state move. Therapists are also licensed at the state level.
This isn't because GPs are trying to be hard-asses, but because there are strict federal regulations on prescribing ADHD medications in the US.
1) Hyperfocus for hours at a time, often forgetting about physical needs like food/drink/bathroom.
2) Extreme trouble getting started on a task (inability to overcome inertia) and constant distraction once started.
3) Switching hobbies, jobs, roles, spouses, etc because the initial stimulation of something new is more rewarding than old interests.
ADHD's symptoms are caused by a deficiency in reward dopamine systems. The "craving" for dopamine is stronger in ADHD brains, which is why impulsive/risky behaviors are common in people with ADHD.
Talk to a medical professional if that resonates. Therapy is also helpful, since the behaviors associated with ADHD can lead to built-up shame / self-doubt.
Medication helps (for me, it was like putting on glasses for the first time), but re-modeling behavior and self-image were equally important for me.
What you describe in an ADHD context might be called "hyperfocus": It's a period of intense focus which you are able to maintain and enjoy cause it stimulates your brain.
But, critically, you are not able to maintain this hyperfocus for longer periods on a single topic as the stimulus of novelty flattens out and you become bored and understimulated and this quickly leads to procastination or switching to something new.
I thought I had ADHD and was frustrated as to why medication made it worse until I discovered I actually have PTSD + crippling anxiety that meant I avoided stability because I didn't trust it and 'flight'/taking on a new identity is one of my preferred 'fight, flight, freeze, fawn' responses. Basically my body only knows how to exist in chaotic environments.
Edit: The above can be read as dismissive and that's not what I intended. Please see my reply further down for more context.
Are you a medical professional or do you have a scientific source backing up your suspicion?
The point why there is no objective blood test is mainly rooted in the fact that getting a true measurement of a neurotransmitter is prohibitively costly (measurement across intra- and inter-daily blood samples to establish a true baseline). Yet, scientists are doing this and there are genetic and neurotransmitter markers which are abnormal in people classified with ADHD. For further reading with a variety of medical sources I recommend [0].
It's a disorder, and presents with a large variety of expressions or comorbidities, but the symptoms (restlessness, jumping between hobbies) are shared and the consequences both in private as well professional lives are severe.
The inability to focus on single things lead to worse career outcomes and worse relationship outcomes. It is a serious suffering for those affected. Ritalin has a 60 year pharmacological history and has proven to help people. Modern stimulants are even better.
I am hugely grateful for the fact safe access exists and as someone affected badly, [I don't think it's appropriate to make fun of someone seeking access to this medication.] STRIKE that out, GP explained his intended meaning further below.
[0]: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325499
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSfCdBBqNXY
There's a few genes that have been found to be responsible/correlate strongly i believe but I assume genotyping goes a bit far for common diagnosis.
I'm sure it's not the same for everyone that's diagnosed tho and there's a good amount of misdiagnosis too.
If you are referring to the recent Joanna Moncrieff cherry picked literature review that had a press moment, then do some checking to see what her peers said in response. Moncrieff has a well established bias against pharmaceuticals and this is confirmation-bias writ large and has damaged the layman's understanding of what's happening.
There are objective tests for ADHD. You can look at how the brain responds under MRI or ECG to show the depressed activity in the prefrontal cortex. It's not required for diagnosis but anyone who tries neurofeedback or checking/confirming dyspraxia maybe as it relates to other nervous system issues.
What most people don't realise is the way stimulants work in the ADHD brain compared to the non ADHD brain are different. Superlatives like "shockingly" really mischaracterize what's happening and perpetuate a dangerous myth. Mostly based on anecdotes of the short-term effects of high-doses on young neurotypical individuals under stress. It's not the same.
Amphetamines are addictive and, used as prescribed, you can find yourself with way worse attention and psychological problems. This is especially true if you take them on a daily basis as prescribed. Taken this way, they can lead to chronically depleted adrenals and long term downregulation of your dopamine receptors, which means you’ll feel like shit when you run out of medicine. The road to up-regulating your receptors is long and arduous.
Hopefully you don’t have a problem filling your medicine, as most people who take controlled substances inevitably come across righteous pharmacists who will refuse to fill them (instead, they will tell you they are out of stock).
There are also long term risks such as the development of Parkinson’s disease. Is a little bit of productivity now for your boss worth developing a debilitating disease in retirement? Only you can make that call.
Go see doctors and therapists, different ones, to get different opinions
Not fitting in our crazy modern world doesn't mean you're "sick"
I had same symptoms as above but for me it was not ADHD but bad employers. Even hobbies are stable now.
are there doors that an ADHD diagnosis opens that have a better ROI than, say, graymarket modafinil?
I suppose it depends where you live.
Here is what I can think of off the top of my head:
1. Potential legal protections and academic/workplace accommodations if necessary (US has ADA as an example).
2. Access to potentially more medications (modafinil is not commonly prescribed in the US for ADHD -- even off label)
3. Perhaps less trouble than having to use the Graymarket? Less risk of getting caught? I'm kind of grasping for straws at this moment.
If what you have works, then I guess keep going? Just please be careful. Unregulated areas of markets, healthcare, etc. make me nervous, personally.
If any of those apply, that's something you're good at, even if it doesn't feel it. Sometimes being good at something just means feeling like something isn't a challenge for you, when it is a challenge for most other people around you.
If you are working on software and your interest lies in physical world, start building hardware/software for it. You will suck at it. It won't make an impact. But it will free you from your lack of focus. It is just about chasing dreams! No one is stopping you from doing that. Also, take job as job and not as passion. The whole idea, if you work on what you love, then you never have to work in your life is bullshit. Once you start working on what you love, it is still work. Only difference is motivation. You will get motivation if you follow your deep desires.
Also make promise to yourself to not abandon this one desire in middle of the way. And stick with it to the end. Whatever pops up in your head after you decide on it, add it to your someday list. And keep pursuing things slowly while you are enjoying. Never forget to enjoy what you are doing!
Use that list to double check against any opportunity you're deciding to pursue, aiming for things that primarily give you energy.
To figure out what you may want to pursue, another helpful exercise is listing 3 people you'd like to be like, and 3 companies/roles you'd like to do for work.
Lastly the Ikigai framework can be used as well to double check your decision.
With the combination of these, I think that's one of the fastest ways to discovery (for your current abilities), since it will help you find what you like and what is sustainable which usually leads to inevitable mastery
If that sounds relatable then this may help: Creative energy and motivation works like a finite resource. Instead of spending every waking minute working on your new hobby/project because a) it's fun and b) you fear that the motivation is going to fade again, you need to force yourself to only use up a little bit of that energy each day, so that you have enough time to build a habit.
It's very counterintuitive, and I had a lot of difficulties doing it. But it has worked quite well for me. Discovering a new hobby and doing nothing else for the next few days is actually one of the worst things you can do. It will almost certainly result in you losing interest.
(Also what you're describing is very common in people with ADHD. I'm not suggesting or implying anything here, but it might be a worthwhile idea to check out some of the other common symptoms and see if you heavily relate to them as well. There's a very high chance that you don't have adhd, but I thought I'd still mention it.)