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slfnflctd commented on Most technical problems are people problems   blog.joeschrag.com/2023/1... · Posted by u/mooreds
Scubabear68 · 15 days ago
This article resonates strongly. I am consulting right now to a group that has enormous struggles technically, but they are all self-inflicted wounds that come down to people and process.

Management claims to want to understand and fix the problem, and their "fixes" reveal the real problems. Fix 1 - schedule a lot of group meetings for twice a week. After week 1, management drops off and fails to show up anymore for most of them. The meetings go off track. The answer? More meetings!

We now have that meeting daily. And have even less attendance.

Fix 2 - we don't know what people are doing, let's create dashboards. A slapdash, highly incorrect and problematic dashboard is created. It doesn't matter, because none of the managers ever checks the dashboard. The big boss hears we are still behind, and commandeers a random product person to be his admin assistant and has her maintain several spreadsheets in semi-secret tracking everyone's progress.

This semi-secret spreadsheet becomes non-secret and people find a million and one problems with it (not surprising as the commandeered admin assistant nee product person was pulling the data from all sorts of random areas with little direction with little coordination with others). We then have the spreadsheet war of various managers having their own spreadsheets.

Fix 3 - we are going to have The Source of Truth for product intake and ongoing development, with a number of characteristics (and these are generally not terrible characteristics). These are handed off to a couple of junior people with no experience to implemented with zero feedback. The net result is we still don't have a Source of Truth, but more of an xkcd situation that now we have 4 or 5 sources of truth strung together with scripts, duct tape, bandaids and prayer.

This continues on and on over years. Ideas are put forth, some good, some bad, some indifferent, but none of them matter because the leaders lack the ability to followup or demonstrate even basic understanding of what our group actually does.

It is truly soul crushing, but in this jobs environment, what are you going to do?

slfnflctd · 14 days ago
I worked somewhere with a similarly dysfunctional culture.

Peak absurdity, yet you and I have both seen it happen first hand. I wonder how common it is, because it's as ugly as it is mystifying.

When management isn't properly engaged, they need to delegate to someone who is. If neither things happen, it's just chaos and angry, ignorant apes making a lot of noise.

> in this jobs environment, what are you going to do?

I am currently unemployed with a rapidly shrinking cushion, and I'm honestly on the fence as to whether putting up with the above would be better. If there is no hope for improvement, all you're doing is exchanging your mental health for a few more beans.

slfnflctd commented on Brain has five 'eras' with adult mode not starting until early 30s   theguardian.com/science/2... · Posted by u/hackernj
mapontosevenths · 25 days ago
> Biggest lesson learned: I could not do it without at least one other person (or more) who I trust almost 100% with all of myself.

Its strange. The biggest lesson I learned was almost the opposite: I learned that the meaning of life has nothing to do with other people or their estimation of me. It has more to do with who you are when there is nobody else around. Other people often act as a sort of fun house mirror that distort and reflect back a false image.

Learning to be happy alone and seeing through the pleasant lies is absolutely vital to becoming an adult.

slfnflctd · 25 days ago
I feel like we need both. There are mental/emotional experiences I have on the regular which there is no point in trying to communicate to someone else but still bring me great benefit. We need to value our alone time, absolutely.

We also ultimately derive pretty much everything we most value in life from our interactions with other lives, which is why I think it's so important to develop high-trust relationships with at least one or two other people so we can continue to grapple with the fact that we all have different perspectives, weaknesses and strengths and can usually learn more and get significantly more things done when we cooperate than when we're running solo. Which requires trust.

YMMV, of course. Some people can go build a cabin in the woods and live off the land and spend all their free time meditating and be perfectly happy. But that's not most of us. And even those people eventually get too old to keep taking care of themselves.

slfnflctd commented on Brain has five 'eras' with adult mode not starting until early 30s   theguardian.com/science/2... · Posted by u/hackernj
sillysaurusx · 25 days ago
I’m going to go against the grain here.

The parent’s advice is toxic and mistaken. It’s a road to codependency. I’ve been with my wife 20 years, married 15. I would have said the same thing they said — I can’t do it all on my own, I need someone else.

Rubbish. And also dangerous rubbish. I’ve been weak for a long time simply because I hadn’t taken myself seriosuly. I literally believed that I couldn’t do it alone, which was wrong.

It was unfair to my wife to use her as an emotional support when she didn’t want to be. She’s been there for me a lot over the years. But when you tell someone that you can’t do it without them, it’s no longer their decision, and that’s unfair. Both to her and to me.

Please read Codependent No More, and especially Lost in the Shuffle by Subby. (I’ve identified a lot more with the latter.)

The point is, it’s okay to be having a rough time with your wife. Let go. Let her do her own thing. Stop caring so much. It’s okay for her to be upset and not want to help/have sex/go to an event/involve you/whatever the problem may be. The reason it feels rough is because you personally let it feel rough. Once I adopted that mindset, it became so much easier. And ironically my marriage improved.

Meds are also important. Make sure you’re on a good dosage of antidepressants if you need them, and a mood stabilizer. I recently started Latuda and dropped Seroquel per my psychiatrist, and it’s been night and day.

Lastly, keep trying to talk to people about your problems. I ended up reaching out to a random person on Twitter. They were kind and to my surprise happy to listen. It was one of the main reasons I was able to get through it all. The best person to talk to is a therapist, though I’d be happy to listen till you can find one.

You’re strong. You need to believe that. And you’re strong independently of your family or anyone else. Give yourself credit for getting as far as you have; that part has been important too.

slfnflctd · 25 days ago
I get what you're saying. A therapist is one of the types of people I had in mind, although that obviously isn't an option for everyone.

I agree that it's important to be able to have your own independent autonomy to properly function in a healthy relationship, especially a romantic one.

The point I was trying to make is perhaps more subtle than it came across, namely that webs of trust between humans (e.g. 'community') are, in my view, essential to being a fully actualized adult. If you aren't close to anyone, I think that means something is wrong which deserves further inspection, particularly within yourself.

slfnflctd commented on Brain has five 'eras' with adult mode not starting until early 30s   theguardian.com/science/2... · Posted by u/hackernj
frikskit · 25 days ago
Can you elaborate on the last point? As someone going through a very hard time with my wife at the moment I’d love any words of wisdom.
slfnflctd · 25 days ago
I have had many difficult times with my current S.O. over 15+ years.

Everyone's situation is different, but I can say that in even a semi-healthy relationship, time heals many wounds, greater mutual understanding grows, hard edges can soften and people will often surprise you. You can also learn things you could improve about yourself which you were previously blind to. The sense of stability this reinforces is immensely helpful.

On the other hand, I also have an ex-- and while I wish I would have ended that differently in hindsight, it did need to end for my mental health to improve. If you are with someone who abuses you, cannot be reasoned with and never admits fault, it is wise to plan several exit strategies.

slfnflctd commented on Brain has five 'eras' with adult mode not starting until early 30s   theguardian.com/science/2... · Posted by u/hackernj
slfnflctd · 25 days ago
It took me until my mid-30s to feel like I had crossed a threshold in processing grief and trauma from my late teen years. I was capable of adult behavior long before then, but my concept of the world and how I fit into it (or don't) was still childlike in many ways on a fundamental level.

Like most such things, I'd expect this to be a spectrum, and I may be somewhat of a late bloomer. Regardless, I have a theory that there is somewhat of a protective effect operating here. Believing in a simpler reality which involved future wish fulfillment for me - however unrealistic it was - may have helped me survive. Coming to acceptance of what I see as a more accurate but far bleaker perspective required me to grow strong enough to sustain my will to live despite that perspective.

Biggest lesson learned: I could not do it without at least one other person (or more) who I trust almost 100% with all of myself. Realizing that going it alone is futile is definitely part of what I consider becoming an adult, and it can take a long time to fully accept that.

slfnflctd commented on Rebecca Heineman has died   pcgamer.com/gaming-indust... · Posted by u/shdon
thesuperbigfrog · a month ago
Many years ago I played one of her works, Bard's Tale 3: Thief of Fate and enjoyed it very much.

It was a masterful blend of RPG, dungeon crawl, and puzzles and had a memorable soundtrack.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru5kg35dNso

Having a bard in your party let you choose a soundtrack and their songs brought magical effects. For example, the Rhyme of Duotime let your party attack more frequently in combat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oR4j7w4FIY

BT3 is available on the Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/msdos_The_Bards_Tale_3_-_Thief_O...

slfnflctd · a month ago
The first trilogy (including BT3) was also remastered about 7 years ago and released on Steam, it's like $15 and has many quality of life improvements.
slfnflctd commented on Rebecca Heineman has died   pcgamer.com/gaming-indust... · Posted by u/shdon
senectus1 · a month ago
ahh i have fond memories of this game... and the silly anti piracy attempts (decoder ring) they shipped it with.
slfnflctd · a month ago
In middle school, a friend and I 'cracked' that decoder ring by copying all the info by hand on to paper so we could both play the game from one store bought copy because we were poor. I don't think we ever finished the game, but it's still one of my happiest early gaming memories.

They remastered all three of the first Bard's Tale games a few years ago and released them on Steam with many quality of life improvements-- I bought the set without a second thought even though I know I will probably never take the time to play it all the way through. I've spent a few dozen hours on it so far, though.

slfnflctd commented on All praise to the lunch ladies   bittersoutherner.com/issu... · Posted by u/gmays
em500 · a month ago
Elementary schools without any kitchen or cafeteria, kids bringing meals (bagged sandwiches) from home and eating at their desks, is still the standard in probably 95%+ of the elementary schools in the Netherlands in 2025.

It's not clear to me if there is any problem to be solved here.

slfnflctd · a month ago
The problem to be solved in the US is that a disturbing percentage of school-aged children's parents are too poor, too busy or too incompetent to pack a lunch for their kids.

In many areas, without schools providing food, the kids would simply go hungry for the entire school day. I and many other people find this unacceptable.

slfnflctd commented on Lawmakers want to ban VPNs   eff.org/deeplinks/2025/11... · Posted by u/gslin
LadyCailin · a month ago
If it went this far, the US would no longer be recognizable. Not to say it can’t happen, and the US is fast marching in that direction, but this would be a dramatic shift in the entire underlying fabric of the country.
slfnflctd · a month ago
Some would argue that the US is already unrecognizable in many ways, and that there are clear indications this trend will continue.
slfnflctd commented on Yann LeCun to depart Meta and launch AI startup focused on 'world models'   nasdaq.com/articles/metas... · Posted by u/MindBreaker2605
blitzar · a month ago
Hopefully one day, in a galaxy far far away, someone builds something on those foundations.
slfnflctd · a month ago
You joke, but the Star Wars games - especially the pinball one, for me at least - are some of the best experiences available on Quest headsets. I've been playing software pinball (as well as the real thing) since the 80s, and this is one of my favorite ways to do it now, which I will keep coming back to.

u/slfnflctd

KarmaCake day2191February 5, 2015View Original