I've thought the same thing. But software pays well, is fairly chill, and when you contribute to a big project you naturally build a position of value.
If I was 14-15 around this time, when I first picked up programming, but had an LLM on my side, I'm not sure what the outcome would be, to be honest. I'd use them, that's for sure, but once I got a working application out of them, would I be curious enough to understand as much as I understand now, if it wasn't required? Or would I have been able to learn even more and faster, since I wouldn't have been all alone banging my head against some trivial problem for weeks?
It made me wonder how much of aging is mediated by damage from infection, which we fight off, but come out of weaker for it.
It certainly makes me want to double check all my vaccines, and once my kids are older, practice a little better hygiene including things like masking up in tight spaces (pretty much impossible with a 6 and 9 year old in the house, they are the vector right now).
I had a post viral effect after Covid. But maybe 2 months. Then I finally took it easy with working out and it went away.
Sincerely, a late 30s guy that has been through a massive burnout, mid life crisis and journey to discover myself in the past 5 years.
Millions of people have been through the same in the whole of history. Many have left notes about their experience for posterity. Time to hit the library, my friend.
(The things that have helped the most have been, in no order: talk therapy, solitude, the Tao Te Ching, Alan Watts, Camus, Nietzsche, and many more, rediscovering my long lost teenage dreams, understanding that nature is a crucial part to mental sanity and restoration)
Take care, and good luck.
I hope you don’t find what I'm about to say glib. I don’t mean it that way. I truly believe that you can find meaning through shifting your focus from inside to outside yourself. I say this only because this has benefits to me. I realize that may not mean it works for you, but I hope it will.
Try giving freely of your talents to others. You mention your math career. Try finding people who struggle with math and tutor them. For free. Start slow & easy, and focus on their growth not yourself.
I also encourage you to unplug and find ways to reconnect with nature. Walks where you do nothing but notice the colors of the flower petals, or the rippling of the water. No distractions. Just practicing on focusing outward with no expectations.
I hope you can find some meaning in this crazy life. Sometimes I resort to a pascal style wager - this is by definition my only shot at life, so why not try and see what happens?