purple-leafy (u/purple-leafy)

purple-leafy commented on Ask HN: What inspires you to persevere through adversity? · Posted by u/justanything

purple-leafy · 2 months ago

I go through periods of genuinely thinking I’m capable of greatness, and periods of not caring at all about greatness and just wanting to be happy.

Speaking of adversity the last 6 months I’ve: lost a job, split from fiancé of 7 years, got fat, lost a dog, lost an apartment, got diagnosed with adhd, faced strong suicidal ideation, sever depression and nihilism.

But fast forward to current day - I’ve got back to the gym and doubled all my lifts and genuinely starting to get strong again, lost fat, made friends, started rock climbing and road cycling, progressed in my career and doing well at my new job, planned greater international travels.

I’ve realised I’m unnaturally resilient and I can basically push through anything life throws at me. Even in my darkest days I still dragged my ass to the gym and hit personal bests.

I do not know where this resilience comes from. I’ve realised over the years as a 30 y/o male no one is going to help you get to where you want to be, no one is going to have much empathy for you no matter how shit your life is, and that you control your own destiny and can only play the cards you’ve been dealt, but you alone can push yourself to greatness (whatever that may be for you)

purple-leafy commented on Ask HN: Anyone got advice for someone like me nearing 40s? · Posted by u/somecloud

thorin · 2 months ago

That was a good read, hope you are feeling some peace.

Rock climbing is a great way of seeing places no one see and meeting interesting people. For instance I loved climbing in Yangshuo, China. I've climbed in most of the continents but am more keen on whitewater kayaking, which is also a great way to experience the world.

My two worst life experiences (physical and emotional) have been my biggest drivers for growth and looking back on how I get over them gives me a lot of strength.

Good luck!

purple-leafy · 2 months ago

Thanks! There are some very small moments of peace, but for the most part it’s been a constant struggle and I have to stay very vigilant.

I’m basically at the point I have to think and try radically different things to survive.

I’m really enjoying rock climbing and I hope to start doing outdoor climbing like yourself.

All the best

purple-leafy commented on Ask HN: Anyone got advice for someone like me nearing 40s? · Posted by u/somecloud

sellingwebsite · 2 months ago

(similar age as you're)

Sorry to hear about everything you've been so far. Things have been rough for me as well lately. The only thing that keeps me from falling into nihilism and despair is God.

I hope you find peace.

purple-leafy · 2 months ago

Thanks and I hope things get better for you. I wish I believed in a god/gods, but I’m just not wired that way as much as I wish I could. The community that believing opens you up to is a great part of it

purple-leafy commented on Ask HN: Anyone got advice for someone like me nearing 40s? · Posted by u/somecloud

purple-leafy · 2 months ago

What scares you the most in life? A fear that absolutely paralyses you. Do whatever that is.

For me for whatever reason, that extreme fear is heights and flying. I had an extreme fear of flying to the point where I would refuse to fly and instead take any combination of ship + bus to get to destinations. Had it my whole life.

I would consider myself a very intense person. I’m a nihilist now, I don’t think there is any point to life at all. Truly it’s not been something I’ve ever been able to shake, so lately (last month) I’ve embraced it. I’m only 30. I’ve seen and experienced things in life that have completely broken me.

7 months ago i got diagnosed with adhd. 6 months ago I lost my job. 5 months ago almost to the day, my fiancé left me over a 10 minute phone call, after 7 years together. Took our dog with her. Blamed me for everything failing. Everything was my fault. Now our place is being sold. Lost all my friends over those 7 years and had no social media.

I was in the darkest pit I have ever been in my life. Complete despair. I hit the gym as hard as possible, ate healthy, started twice weekly therapy, started going to events to meet people, started cycling, started rock climbing.

None of that did anything to shake the intense depression and despair and underlying nihilism. Truly I had come to terms with the fact that I’ve had thoughts that you can’t “un-think” and I truly think most people don’t ever break down that no matter what you do life is pointless, low to the point that you think most people are living in ignorance of the pointlessness of living.

So I tried pushing myself harder and harder. My life, I’ve been in several relationships that have failed. Been madly in love a few times. I’ve built viral software (300,000 users). I’ve sold software. I’m self taught. Backend/frontend/low level/graphics. I’m an Electrical Engineer too. I’ve pitched at and won startup comps, made and raised money. Owned a home. Worked with sick animals, walked dogs for a living. Been hiking, done woodwork. Been engaged. Failed papers. Aced papers. Been in a jail cell. Been in an ambulance. Have arthritis. Been in fights. Been beaten up. Taken drugs. Dissociated. Been skinny. Been fat. Been ripped. Almost drowned. Been in a car accident.

None of that did anything for me.

But last weekend I booked a solo flight for myself to a destination I’ve never been to. This is something that I’ve told myself I’m not capable of my whole life. Because I realised I probably wouldn’t be around much longer unless there was drastic change in my life and perspective.

On the tarmac, the moment those plane engines started up I got super excited for the first time in years, because I realised either i die on this flight and it doesn’t matter anyway, or I push through fear and scare myself. I pushed through the fear and felt a rush.

That was only a few days ago. Now I’m booking a global flight to see the other side of the world in 4 months time to do some solo travel. Then more flights after that. I also just did the best rock climbing I’ve ever done, prior to that experience I’d be clinging onto the wall for dear life, but that last session I just flew up the wall without a care in the world.

I’ve realised now that I’m just an intense person and I can’t live a mundane life. So I need to lean into it and seek fear.

I can tell you for free that material possession and earning money is definitely not the answer. In fact, get rid of most of the shit you own because it just bogs you down.

Pushing through fear has been the breakthrough I’ve needed in my life, and no one could do it for me. I feel like a different person.

This may sound stupid, but maybe we all need to get punched in the face. We spend our modern lives constantly in the past, in the future, anxiety and existential dread about what is coming, what may come to pass, how will we deal with it, grief and loss, thinking about fucking money and relationships and housing.

Go to a boxing gym, and spar with someone. Introduce some danger into your life. No one wants to get punched in the face. I guarantee you getting the shit beat out of you, and you doing the same to someone else, will have you in the moment. When you’re actively getting attacked, there is no time for anxiety or depression or grief. Just “do I duck left, or do I duck right”.

Stop waiting for life to happen. Go out and do dangerous shit.

I’m not advocating for being reckless. But my new philosophy is: if life is pointless, then the only rational response is to do whatever makes you feel most alive, regardless of social conventions or personal anxieties real or imagined

purple-leafy commented on People who don't ask me questions drive me crazy. Why are they like that? theguardian.com/wellness/... · Posted by u/creer

purple-leafy · 4 months ago

People that don’t ask questions, don’t show any curiosity at all, don’t reciprocate, and don’t contribute to conversation other than talking at length about themselves - are not worth a second of your day.

I’m sorry but if all you can do is talk about yourself and not have a conversation, you are not worth my time.

If you think it’s okay to let the other person lead the entire conversation maybe you need to learn some social skills

purple-leafy commented on The blissful Zen of a good side project joshcollinsworth.com/blog... · Posted by u/ingve

conductr · 5 months ago

Not to gaslight you but sometimes adhd isn’t adhd. My son can’t sit still and is this way. The more I watch it and talk to doctors and reflected on my own memory of youth I realize he’s basically my clone and I have all these symptoms too. Turns out it’s a motor sensory (muscle/balance) issue that he can correct with some occupational therapy and learned coping skills. I developed my own coping skills without a therapist and never really intentionally built my core strength.

Anyways I mention it because if one can focus on selective tasks, like working on a side project, I think adhd is perhaps an easy/lazy diagnosis but maybe not the correct one.

purple-leafy · 5 months ago

ADHD is not an easy/lazy diagnosis, it’s a medical condition just like losing an arm makes you an amputee.

People with adhd have lots of side projects because of adhd

purple-leafy commented on Thank HN: The puzzle game I posted here 6 weeks ago got licensed by The Atlantic theatlantic.com/games/bra... · Posted by u/brgross

no_wizard · 5 months ago

>My plan is to be acquired by a news company.

I feel like this is going about it the wrong way. This puzzle game licensed by The Atlantic for example, was made because they wanted to provide a fun game experience for their patrons.

With games, the best games come from an organic experience. Its almost worse to have a preset plan.

Not to mention, making a game is work - you have to have approachability, rules think through alot of scenarios even for "simple" games to make sure things make sense etc - and if you haven't even done it before I highly suggest you actually try and make a game first

purple-leafy · 5 months ago

Thanks for your comment, I’ve toyed with this game idea for about 7 years, no preset plan from the get-go, but within the last year see an opportunity with aligning with a news site.

But I had all the game logic and flow mapped out long before I thought about platform.

Yes games are tough to make, I’ve made a few so far and it’s always a struggle

purple-leafy commented on Thank HN: The puzzle game I posted here 6 weeks ago got licensed by The Atlantic theatlantic.com/games/bra... · Posted by u/brgross

brgross · 5 months ago

I posted Bracket City to HN on February 24th and the game went live yesterday on The Atlantic (!)

The game will stay free to play (and not require logging in). Also, I'm still making all the puzzles!

HN provided the first real infusion of players that weren't my mom's friends. So thanks everyone.

FWIW The Atlantic's team is amazing and got this live exactly 2 weeks from when we signed the deal.

This happened quick and I feel very lucky. The HN community of solvers keeps me honest with much helpful technical and editorial feedback. I love it all -- here or at mayor@bracket.city

T[Tom who befriended a volleyball] HN

PS my original post! https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43160542

purple-leafy · 5 months ago

Hey congratulations!

Did you approach Atlantic, or did they approach you?

I’ve had a word game in-mind for years, and several attempts to implement it. It’s a tricky one but I’ll crack it one day :)

My plan is to be acquired by a news company.

So, how did you go about this? I have some ideas myself

purple-leafy commented on The blissful Zen of a good side project joshcollinsworth.com/blog... · Posted by u/ingve

aaarrm · 5 months ago

I'm the same, and it has kind of ruined me. No one I know thinks the ways I do. I keep wondering if it's just due to anxiety or a fear of death, or an inability to feel present or what. But I really wish I could figure this aspect of myself out so that I can relax and enjoy in a moment.

Whenever I realize that I was lost a moment, I get anxious about what I should be doing with my time instead.

purple-leafy · 5 months ago

You may have adhd. This is how I am. I can’t relax ever, I have to be constantly moving mentally or physically, I have to make the most of every moment. It’s an adhd thing, and medication does help with this. Worth getting yourself checked

purple-leafy commented on The Insanity of Being a Software Engineer 0x1.pt/2025/04/06/the-ins... · Posted by u/vmsp

abxyz · 5 months ago

> Being a software engineer is tough.

No, it isn't. Software engineering is one of the easiest careers. We are so coddled that we think what is described in this post is tough, that alone is evidence of how not tough our career is.

purple-leafy · 5 months ago

Wrong. It is tough.

But most jobs are tough - in some way.

Software Engineering is one of the most information-volatile industries in history that I can think of.

You have to aggressively keep pace with potentially, and I’m guessing here, the fastest shifting industry in history in terms of practices and knowledge and improvements.

Not only that, it is constant failure and obstacles - bugs, frameworks, features, platforms, what have you - and constant layers of abstraction. A lot of the time you cannot visualise any outputs.

Software Engineering is a highly skilled industry, and probably the most competitive industry in the world, with a very high rate of uncertainty and layoffs and change. We are working with some of the most complex systems created by man in history.

I don’t think you can make a broad generalisation that we are coddled lol. Software Engineers in the USA in certain population centres earn a large salary, sure, but look overseas and comparatively that is not the case.

Seriously, by what metric is Software Engineering one of the easiest careers? I’d like to hear your viewpoint because I think it’s so off-base that I must be missing something.

It has its definite perks like work from home.

But Software is up there as one of the toughest knowledge-worker industries there is.

There are much tougher careers like anything Electrical Engineering, but by no yardstick is Software easy