I'm very interested in the idea of having a great year, being ambitious, achieving a lot in that year etc, really moving my life forward rather than languishing but I always struggle to articulate what that would mean, how I should achieve that, what I need to change etc and when I start trying to think about it, I quickly become overwhelmed. My excitement and interest in doing this, quickly becomes a hindrance as my perfectionist tendencies tend to kick in and I try to look at it from every angle and have no idea what I should do.
I read articles / watch youtube videos and everyone has a different process and different journaling prompts etc, that just make me want to throw up. I guess I'm just not really good at self awareness, but I do have a clear desire to want to do something and to be able to move forward, but defining this, defining what really matters, figuring out what standards I have to hold myself too, how I need to think, what mindsets I need, how I need to schedule myself etc, just quickly makes my head explode, to the point I think i’ve thought quite hard about this every year, but at the end of each year, i’m not sure how helpful it has really been as I don’t seem to be any further ahead than those people that seem to give zero thought to any of this, except that I wear myself out trying to think about it, because I have this desire to improve myself.
Does anyone have a process they follow to cut out the noise?
My three habits from this year were:
* work out everyday
* do something “interesting” everyday
* read everyday
As I look back on the year I can definitely say I’m in better shape, more active in finding cool stuff to do, and reading more books than I have in my adult life.
YMMV, but I suggest focusing on the little things that point you towards where you want your life to go.
Very curious about what you would do on a daily bases that would qualify as "interesting"? Any particularly rewarding "interesting" activities? I'd love to inject some routine variety in my life.
* Read in a cafe / the park
* Try a new restaurant with a friend
* Go see a movie in theaters
* Go to a concert
* Check out a local art show
* Try an art project at home
The gist of it was that I ended up putting more effort into planning my week by asking myself "what's the cool thing I'm doing today". From there you end up finding venues and actives that have an event that you want to attend (eg a concert) and on slower days you find an excuse to hang out with a friend / do a hobby you find relaxing.
My advice is to set a timer and gradually increase it. Start with 10 minutes. Put your phone in the other room. Set you timer. And just read. Repeat. On the third day raise it by a minute. Repeat. Start looking for other ways to exercise your ability to sustain focus and reduce quick hit, dopamine juicing time sucks. You will get better over time.
I had a long list of really technical and hard to read books. So faced with reading them, I always defaulted to something easier.
Instead, if you start with something gripping and easier to read (even some trashy fiction) it builds up momentum and the habit. Once you get some momentum you can start tackling the harder books, alternating back to easier stuff when motivation wanes
You can't change everything all at once and these questions helped us zero in on the one or two things that would make the most difference in our lives.
to cut through the noise, you might need to find a trusted friend/mentor who doesn't overthink things and could be non-judgmental, but still suggest how you might make specific changes in an area you've both agreed upon is important to you. It sounds like that could be a game-changer for you.
All the best to you!
[^1]: Donald Whitney is writing to Christians, so some people might find his more general (21-30) questions more relevant.
I'd say, focus on identifying your own problem and find specific solutions that work for you.
You've mentioned perfectionism which I also struggled with but I've learned to manage. What worked for me is:
1) Learning to deal with my inner critic. Google a technique called "morning pages". Basically you have to learn how to act while ignoring your inner critic and trusting your gut.
2) Learning to accept that perfection doesn't exist and try to learn a bit more in every experience. I simply do the best I can given the resources I have at the time and move on. Finishing something is better than not doing anything at all. A wrong decision is better than no decision.
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210329-do-maximisers-...
The other thing is a bias for action. Start doing something rather than looking at courses and blogs that teach you how to do the thing. Its easy to take 100 different courses which in the end just make you confused about what to do.
Why? because no matter where you are going, you go from where you are at the moment.
We tend to forget, downplay, overlook our past achievements and what we are good at we give it for granted, like if it was normal for everyone and compare with others that way better, (there is always someone way better! at least for 99% of us).
When I'm overwhelmed I just practice acceptance, and think "let's do it just a little bit better" that is helping me with perfectionism.
Acceptance, would you still love your best friend if they are not "having a great year, being ambitious, achieving a lot in that year etc, really moving my life forward rather than languishing" I bet you would, why often we treat ourself worse than to our best friends?
Remove all that pressure, and create your own compass that feels good just for you! making things better, that somehow feel rewarding, if you are not having those feelings maybe shake things up, and do some changes.
Hope it helps!
I think a good goal would be to understand what you actually mean by languishing. Which depends on what meaning you think life has now. Otherwise it seems like you want a goal just for a goals sake.
Your notes about "I don’t seem to be any further ahead than those people that..." is specially telling that you're not setting yourself goals that you want, you're setting up goals to feel like you "won" the year vs other people.
Maybe a good goal could be find what truly motivates you and gives you joy intrinsically. Try new activities that give you joy. Once you find them you'll have no problem setting up goals, because you won't be setting them up "to have a good year" but rather they are just a list of things you genuinely want to do regardless of how well you do them or if you even get good at it.
Farnam Street annual review https://fs.blog/annual-review/ (Direct link without giving your email: https://fsmisc.s3.ca-central-1.amazonaws.com/2022+AR.pdf)
[1] https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/25744928
[2] https://www.youtube.com/@CalNewportMedia