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Posted by u/smithmayowa 6 years ago
Ask HN: How is your mental health?
How and how well do you keep track of your mental health, particularly for those with a history of mental health issues, and those with a family history of mental issues.

As for me I like to think that I try really hard to monitor my mental health, I suffer from anxiety disorder and my father and mother both had mental health issues at one point in their life, which makes me constantly fear for my mental health and hence my monitoring of my mental state of mind like a hulk.

klodolph · 6 years ago
Therapy is more effective than it has any business being. If you can make it happen, try it.

I’m going to start by saying I have a mood disorder, and I don’t understand anxiety disorders because they’re part of a completely different world from mine. Conversations I’ve had with people that have anxiety disorders have reinforced this idea that I really don’t understand anxiety disorders or relate to them.

The worst parts for me are some times in the past several years when I have moved, changed jobs, changed relationships, and had relatives who passed away. To be clear, when I say “and”, I am talking about many of these things happening at the same time. Having strong relationships, having a therapist, and keeping a regular schedule mean the difference between seeing me as my usual self and seeing me disappear for a few weeks.

I have also decided never again to tell my manager any details about my condition. In the future it is an “unspecified, diagnosed disorder for which I am receiving professional treatment.” I was lulled into a false sense of security by having excellent managers at the beginning of my career and it turns out that I was very lucky; most managers are fairly mediocre and will do damage more often than not if you give them too many details about your mental health. Find somebody else to talk to about it—there are therapists, friends, and support groups e.g. on Facebook.

arawde · 6 years ago
I have a mood disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.

This is the most accurate answer in the thread.

> Having strong relationships, having a therapist, and keeping a regular schedule.

These are the things I'm actively working on. I'm only 6 months into working full time. It's monumentally difficult just to achieve those 3 things. I haven't worked an 8 hour day since training because I often feel drained and unproductive and end up just going home.

Right now, I'm doing CBT, and my therapist and I are focusing on ways for me to feel less drained at work. It's amazing how little things like taking 5 minute breaks and not eating at my desk have helped.

I feel like everyone I know who works in tech is either seeing a therapist or would benefit from one. If you can make it happen, try it.

jimkri · 6 years ago
Have you noticed anything from doing CBT? Or what has your experience been like so far?

I've done it before, but have been thinking about trying it again, but wanted to talk to others that have tried it.

mathgladiator · 6 years ago
I started therapy and I think 90% of it is having a private no judgement relationship with another human being.
drakonka · 6 years ago
I wonder if you've ever tried remote therapy video apps or phone calls, or if you do exclusively 1-on-1 in-person sessions? I don't really have any particular acute problem to go to a therapist with, but am more curious just to have someone to talk to about some things I noticed in my personality which may or may not be normal (and I want to know if they are!). Since and the remote sessions are much more affordable than in-person sessions here when it comes to something recurring, I wonder if this is a reasonable solution, or if something remote is less likely to be useful.

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apexkid · 6 years ago
Use the following strategies: 1. Meditate daily for 15 minutes. Try vedic indian meditations. 2. Keep track of your mood using some app. 3. If your mood is bad for consistently 3 days, then open pastebin and write down about everything you are feeling and going in your head.

Most small problems with mental health can be dealt by bringing in consciousness. Simple example, whenever you are feeling nervous, force you brain to just observe whats going on in your body instead of being an active participant in the process. You will immediately realize you start feeling less nervous. Similarly, you can try for anxiety.

For more serious problems, it is best to seek medical help on periodic basis. A meetup with doctor every 3 months is reasonable.

JohnFen · 6 years ago
I love your comment. Especially this:

> Most small problems with mental health can be dealt by bringing in consciousness.

I think that what I do is, in the end, the same as you -- I just do it a little differently. Years ago, I developed a habit of questioning why I'm doing whatever I'm doing -- particularly if what I'm doing is unusual or emotional.

The key, for me, is that the question and answers are intended to bring light on things to make the unconscious conscious. The answer should be accepted as a point of information and without judgement (actually doing that is hard, though, and comes with practice).

Once you have an idea of what's happening with you, you are in a better position to notice and work on actual issues, if they exist.

apexkid · 6 years ago
Thank you for appreciating my idea and I am glad you are following something similar. However, let me give you a suggestion to improve it. The first step to bring consciousness should simply start by observing what is happening and not question why. Being in a state of observation is a neutral state. When you question something your mind goes into conflict mode. That can aggravate the situation. Hence, simply observe and understand what is going on without any judgement or trying to find solution. Once you find inner peace, then move to the next step of diving deep into the problem and finding solution.
Kluny · 6 years ago
15 minutes is a really long time to meditate. Anyone who's new to it, I suggest starting with 30 seconds and work your way up to 15 in increments of 30 seconds to a minute. It's like starting with an empty bar when weightlifting.
whoisjuan · 6 years ago
Meditating in the shower is pretty easy IMHO and you can easily go up to 15 min, even for beginners. Meditation is mostly about anchoring your mind to something, most people do it with their breathing because that's what we see in movies and stuff.

In the shower, you can use the sound of the water or the feeling of the water on your head to anchor your mind. Since it's something you don't control and there are multiple sensory reactions created from it, it's pretty easy to be present and observe your thoughts.

This doesn't necessarily work for everyone but I have tried many types of meditations and this one is the easiest for me.

apexkid · 6 years ago
Why don't you try any of these meditation with an open mind and let me know how many minutes were you able to meditate.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=meditation+sri+...

Quiza12 · 6 years ago
I second the writing. Having it on page, whatever the worry/worries, makes it tangible in a way that can be "solved."
mrkurt · 6 years ago
I think it's important to distinguish between "mental health issues" and a "healthy mental space". These are things you can do it maintain a healthy mental space, but people with mental health issues probably _can't_ start meditating daily for 15 min, or journaling, or exercising, or any number of other things that are helpful.

Which really just means "do these things if you're struggling" is skipping the hardest step, and not very useful.

muzani · 6 years ago
Every single meditation expert I know has given a warning with it. For some people, even 5 minutes is harsh. I've been in groups where people just break down and cry at that point.

One meditation coach once told me a story of one of his clients who did a 20 minute guided session, and he went out of it with vomiting, diarrhea, and was really angry at the guy. But a few days later, he felt something clear up and asked for more sessions. He says it's normal, and with corporate counseling, he normally restricts them to 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15, 20, 30 for a week each.

muzani · 6 years ago
I'm curious why this always gets downvoted on HN with no comment. That's quite a bit of disconnect with other groups.

Is it because a difference in terminology? On HN, meditation seems to mean 'relax and do nothing'. Elsewhere, it seems to mean 'concentrate on only one thing', which usually makes people recall traumatic situations.

Or does it come across as too prescriptive with little evidence to back it?

theli0nheart · 6 years ago
Why would meditation lead to vomiting and/or diarrhea? I suppose I can understand where the sobbing might come from if you're in a tough space and dwelling on sad thoughts, but the other two?
ageofwant · 6 years ago
Indeed. Its all about control, or the perception of it. And the simple fact that its just another thing to monitor and manage. Many never realise this and become slaves to their feelings. Feelings are not core truths, they are just data.

Of course its completely reasonable to feel exasperated and angry about things that are out off line with your value system. But knowing this is directly related to the distance between what is real in the world, and where your value is set, gives you enough information to work with.

fluroblue · 6 years ago
What makes Vedic Indian meditation special?
vmurthy · 6 years ago
One of the things about the mantras is that if you chant them , your breathing is improved. In fact someone I know who has been doing this for a long time says that a lot of breathing problems go away if you do this regularly.

If you don’t want to believe all this , Id go with the following : Just like music, your attention is drawn towards the chant and hopefully stay there :)

dijit · 6 years ago
The issue with most kinds of mental health is that the more it affects you the less you're aware of the fact that it's affecting you.

My mental health, without any discernible disorders, reached a very low point last year where I essentially stormed out of a HR meeting because I was "toxic", the toxicity revolved around feelings of frustration due to the fact that I couldn't get anyone to look at a problem I had for six months, which led to me informing the internal providers of that service that I would not be using those services for the next project I was a part of. Which hurt many peoples feelings, I suppose.

As part of the stipend for staying (because, I had quit on the spot) I requested a therapist, I saw him a total of 15 times I believe and he coerced me to exercise a lot more, but ultimately failed to find anything "wrong" with me mentally and stated that my behaviour was quite healthy during that period.. (but he might have been just telling me what I wanted to hear as there's little value in antagonising me during therapy, probably).

Anyway, even with excercise, it's far-far too late, I've basically "turned-off" at work, I don't even try, my entire job has become avoiding doing my job.

I still come home tired, exhausted and utterly emotionally drained, but no work is done, and I don't learn, I don't excite my passion.

No winners.

I recently started interviewing in other companies, I'm hoping this feeling doesn't carry over, and I hope I haven't truly lost my passion.

nefitty · 6 years ago
Yes. Get the hell out as soon as you can! I made a change a few weeks ago after going through a milder version of what you're experiencing. I took a pay cut but I am so, so much happier.

I don't dread waking up anymore. I like being alive again. I haven't complained to my wife even once since I left my last job. The guilt of piling my work problems on my wife was getting big, but I needed so badly to confide in someone about it.

Good luck! You can do it!!

Clubber · 6 years ago
>I'm hoping this feeling doesn't carry over, and I hope I haven't truly lost my passion.

If it's like my experience, it will probably be a hangover at your new job for a few weeks, but if you are mindful of it and don't let it make a bad new impression, it'll go away. This is assuming a new job isn't just as bad.

eq_sd_ · 6 years ago
Going to weekly therapy is the only way I really track anything. I've been struggling a lot since my ex and I broke up last year. Earlier this year, I started thinking about how my dad treated me growing up and how it was (is) a type of emotional abuse. He's probably narcissistic. I'm sure it's a big factor in why I dated someone like my ex and why I've put up with so much shit in my relationships, friends, work.

And now at work, I'm being treated poorly by a particular person and he's generally offensive to everyone. He's kind of like my dad in a lot of ways and it's "triggering" me. Managers and HR don't seem to care much. I'm also concerned about retaliation because this guy came here with a handful of other people, a couple of which are extremely high level that can hold me back and give problem guy preferential treatment.

I'm one of few female engineers here and I feel like people with power are looking at me as whiny, it doesn't feel good. I already have too many short stints on my resume so I feel like I can't leave and I suck at tech interviews too...partly because "showing my thought process" is terrifying when I've grown up with all my thoughts and feelings being used as a weapon against me.

I have almost no friends in the city I moved to, I miss my mom and my brother a lot. I could try harder to make some new friends here but work is exhausting and I just don't feel good and I'd rather stay home and cuddle my dog. She is pretty much the only thing that gives me energy. :/

MyHypatia · 6 years ago
I just want to say thank you for sharing. I'm also one of few female engineers at my company. It's hard to find friends as an adult and it can feel even lonelier when I see people at work getting together to play sports or generally have "guy hang out time". When I have brought up complaints at work I also feel like people don't take them seriously. The response has basically been, "Can you just wait for him to retire?" and "You should be grateful". It's hard. One thing that has been helpful is finding some sort of community. Treat it as a non-negotiable part of your life. There are lots of people out there looking for connections and friendships, it can take time before you find the right group. Everyday you wake up and do things for your employer. Everyday you should also wake up and do things for yourself. Like having lunch with someone or playing a boardgame with a group. In the moment "playing a boardgame" may sounds silly and trivial compared to important "work" and "career", so instead I call it, "maintaining my health". Don't neglect your mental health. It's important. Also, dogs are almost always better than people.
ambivalents · 6 years ago
I identify a lot with what you're saying. I'm one of just a couple females on a big engineering/product team and it often doesn't feel good.

If you're in the Bay Area would be happy to meet up for a coffee. I understand the desire to just want to stay home a lot too, so no pressure. Email in profile.

RedBeetDeadpool · 6 years ago
Sounds like you could use a bit of help. I've had a lot of similar issues as those you mentioned. My advice is: read a lot of books on how to deal with narcissism, and psychopathy. `in sheeps clothing` is one I liked. `beating the work place bully` is another. There might be tons of better sources, but those are the ones I read. Part of the issue is some people will take everything from you if left unchecked, and you can do very little to make them realize they're harming you (think Trump). And even if they realize it, it only stops them that one time. So aggress-ing these people is something that needs to be done often. You have to judge-judy their ass at least a few times every time you have a conversation with them.

Also read about wait vs interrupt culture [https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/LuXb6CZG4x7pDRBP8/wait-vs-in...]. Generally women are spoken over by men at work. And of the men its the loudest and largest egos that get their voices heard regardless of quality or veracity of words. Most statements are just opinions, and because the dunning-kruger effect grants these people with confidence, they will just speak whatever opinion they have as facts.

You should also really try and meet people you can connect with outside of work, I find having people around helps as a mental shield to all the toxic people in your life. Because work can be competitive, people have tendencies to play the asshole card there far more often than in other aspects of life. It helps with sanity to have a better balance of people. Try meetups/clubs (for coders? for girl coders?, I'm in a book club and I like it), or classes (yoga? dance? martial arts?), or try volunteering (a place where you might find more people with empathy). Or do all of those combined.

c7357658 · 6 years ago
Honestly, pretty awful. I'm fresh out of college, making 155K in my first job, but I feel miserable because I can't sleep in NYC, the love of my life lives across the country and I feel like we're growing apart, and because I work so much I no longer have any hobbies.

I grew up poor and now I'm making more money than I ever imagined I could so I feel like I can't complain too much, but as soon as I hit the 1 year mark and am no longer obligated to pay back my signing/relocation bonus and fees associated with breaking my lease, I'm moving to be with my SO (if we make it to that point.) It's not worth it.

maerF0x0 · 6 years ago
Classic tale. You've transcended your previous life and your old ways of seeing things are holding you back. This is the kind of internal resistance that keeps fat people fat, poor people poor, etc. It just doesnt "feel right" to be successful to them.

Why is your SO not coming to you?

el_dev_hell · 6 years ago
I had the exact same situation as you out of university. Except my SO moved to the city with me. If we were separated, I would have either:

a) Broke it off

b) Moved

c) Asked her to move in with me

I'm so glad I didn't have to make that choice. It would have crippled my career (leaving the city). I hope it works out for you and the relationship is worth any possible career damage.

cableshaft · 6 years ago
My first programming job I made a whopping $28k a year, back in 2006, in Chicago. That's $35k in today's dollars, and ~$55k taking the cost of living of NYC into account.

Hell, you're currently making about what I do after 10+ years of experience even taking cost of living into account (of course I stupidly never left Chicago). Use that salary to leverage a better trajectory than I ever got.

Assuming your love is on the west coast somewhere, you should be able to find something close to her that pays comparably well.

Just do your best to stick it out and keep looking. A year really isn't that long. I've hated my current job for the past two years but I'm still here (well I desperately need to leave, but it has some perks, like working remotely, and it's hard to find a new job when you're planning a wedding, which thankfully is done now). Having that job on your resume will help you negotiate down the line.

madhadron · 6 years ago
I spent two years of my life in NYC. I hope you already are using earplugs? If not, go down to the drugstore and buy the heaviest decibel rating you can find.

Set some hard boundaries around work. It's a city where people overwork like it's a mark of virtue. Plus, since you're not planning to stay, you don't need to grind yourself to death to climb the corporate hierarchy.

Make time to talk to your SO almost every day. When I lived half a world away, I called each morning during the week since her wakeup time was shortly before my bedtime. From coast to coast is a little more awkward, but finding such a time (afternoon commute for her, after dinner for you or the like) is a powerful ritual.

jborichevskiy · 6 years ago
Seconding the earplugs, also - blackout curtains and an eyemask.

Wishing the parent poster the best of luck with everything.

notamy · 6 years ago
> How and how well do you keep track of your mental health, particularly for those with a history of mental health issues

I do some good old-fashioned journaling by hand. There's never been software for this sort of thing that I liked, and it feels more cathartic to write it by hand than to type it out. It does get hard at times, admittedly, with things like a lackluster job searching experience, friends also having issues, and a host of other issues that you run into in life, but such is life. I'm just trying to do my best to get through it :) Actively making an effort to spend time around others definitely helps.

vorpalhex · 6 years ago
Pretty good. It's not all sunshine but it's all workable. My strategies are:

1. journaling for the feedback loop

2. meditation in times of stress or uncertainty

3. exercise, regularly

4. quality sleep, as close to 8 hours as I can manage

5. a mix of intentionally alone time and social time with others - time alone builds me up, but time with others maintains important relationships

mathgladiator · 6 years ago
Something interesting about alone and together time is that it really depends on the other people. Some people recharge me, and others just snap everything.
grep_name · 6 years ago
For me it is very hard to tell how my mental health is. I usually track it by looking back at conversations with people I care about, which can get weird. When things get bad, I tend to dissociate a little as a sort of defense mechanism. This time last year, I was more of an automatic process than a person, which was caused by essentially being the only person responsible for maintaining undocumented legacy software with a very critical manager who had never managed a developer before and didn't understand the requests he was making. This combined with an expensive chronic medical condition and the inability to save enough money to support myself if he finally fired me caused me to basically check out.

Now things have completely flipped, and it's pretty confusing. I got a job that I like and switched industries from healthcare infrastructure to manufacturing, and I actually believe in my company / like my manager / make a little more money, and by living in a house with 4 friends I've known forever I'm saving a ton. But I also have a 2.5 hour round-trip commute, and live in a city with such bad infrastructure that things like getting groceries have a huge amount of friction associated with them.

The weird thing is that the tiredness/lack of spare time/time dilation that comes with a living situation like this feels like dissociation, and the fact that I can't move forward with my previous goals effectively makes me feel like I am atrophying as a person. I'll probably do this for another year or so.