How and how well do you keep track of your mental health, particularly for those with a history of mental health issues, and those with a family history of mental issues.
As for me I like to think that I try really hard to monitor my mental health, I suffer from anxiety disorder and my father and mother both had mental health issues at one point in their life, which makes me constantly fear for my mental health and hence my monitoring of my mental state of mind like a hulk.
I’m going to start by saying I have a mood disorder, and I don’t understand anxiety disorders because they’re part of a completely different world from mine. Conversations I’ve had with people that have anxiety disorders have reinforced this idea that I really don’t understand anxiety disorders or relate to them.
The worst parts for me are some times in the past several years when I have moved, changed jobs, changed relationships, and had relatives who passed away. To be clear, when I say “and”, I am talking about many of these things happening at the same time. Having strong relationships, having a therapist, and keeping a regular schedule mean the difference between seeing me as my usual self and seeing me disappear for a few weeks.
I have also decided never again to tell my manager any details about my condition. In the future it is an “unspecified, diagnosed disorder for which I am receiving professional treatment.” I was lulled into a false sense of security by having excellent managers at the beginning of my career and it turns out that I was very lucky; most managers are fairly mediocre and will do damage more often than not if you give them too many details about your mental health. Find somebody else to talk to about it—there are therapists, friends, and support groups e.g. on Facebook.
This is the most accurate answer in the thread.
> Having strong relationships, having a therapist, and keeping a regular schedule.
These are the things I'm actively working on. I'm only 6 months into working full time. It's monumentally difficult just to achieve those 3 things. I haven't worked an 8 hour day since training because I often feel drained and unproductive and end up just going home.
Right now, I'm doing CBT, and my therapist and I are focusing on ways for me to feel less drained at work. It's amazing how little things like taking 5 minute breaks and not eating at my desk have helped.
I feel like everyone I know who works in tech is either seeing a therapist or would benefit from one. If you can make it happen, try it.
I've done it before, but have been thinking about trying it again, but wanted to talk to others that have tried it.
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Most small problems with mental health can be dealt by bringing in consciousness. Simple example, whenever you are feeling nervous, force you brain to just observe whats going on in your body instead of being an active participant in the process. You will immediately realize you start feeling less nervous. Similarly, you can try for anxiety.
For more serious problems, it is best to seek medical help on periodic basis. A meetup with doctor every 3 months is reasonable.
> Most small problems with mental health can be dealt by bringing in consciousness.
I think that what I do is, in the end, the same as you -- I just do it a little differently. Years ago, I developed a habit of questioning why I'm doing whatever I'm doing -- particularly if what I'm doing is unusual or emotional.
The key, for me, is that the question and answers are intended to bring light on things to make the unconscious conscious. The answer should be accepted as a point of information and without judgement (actually doing that is hard, though, and comes with practice).
Once you have an idea of what's happening with you, you are in a better position to notice and work on actual issues, if they exist.
In the shower, you can use the sound of the water or the feeling of the water on your head to anchor your mind. Since it's something you don't control and there are multiple sensory reactions created from it, it's pretty easy to be present and observe your thoughts.
This doesn't necessarily work for everyone but I have tried many types of meditations and this one is the easiest for me.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=meditation+sri+...
Which really just means "do these things if you're struggling" is skipping the hardest step, and not very useful.
One meditation coach once told me a story of one of his clients who did a 20 minute guided session, and he went out of it with vomiting, diarrhea, and was really angry at the guy. But a few days later, he felt something clear up and asked for more sessions. He says it's normal, and with corporate counseling, he normally restricts them to 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15, 20, 30 for a week each.
Is it because a difference in terminology? On HN, meditation seems to mean 'relax and do nothing'. Elsewhere, it seems to mean 'concentrate on only one thing', which usually makes people recall traumatic situations.
Or does it come across as too prescriptive with little evidence to back it?
Of course its completely reasonable to feel exasperated and angry about things that are out off line with your value system. But knowing this is directly related to the distance between what is real in the world, and where your value is set, gives you enough information to work with.
If you don’t want to believe all this , Id go with the following : Just like music, your attention is drawn towards the chant and hopefully stay there :)
My mental health, without any discernible disorders, reached a very low point last year where I essentially stormed out of a HR meeting because I was "toxic", the toxicity revolved around feelings of frustration due to the fact that I couldn't get anyone to look at a problem I had for six months, which led to me informing the internal providers of that service that I would not be using those services for the next project I was a part of. Which hurt many peoples feelings, I suppose.
As part of the stipend for staying (because, I had quit on the spot) I requested a therapist, I saw him a total of 15 times I believe and he coerced me to exercise a lot more, but ultimately failed to find anything "wrong" with me mentally and stated that my behaviour was quite healthy during that period.. (but he might have been just telling me what I wanted to hear as there's little value in antagonising me during therapy, probably).
Anyway, even with excercise, it's far-far too late, I've basically "turned-off" at work, I don't even try, my entire job has become avoiding doing my job.
I still come home tired, exhausted and utterly emotionally drained, but no work is done, and I don't learn, I don't excite my passion.
No winners.
I recently started interviewing in other companies, I'm hoping this feeling doesn't carry over, and I hope I haven't truly lost my passion.
I don't dread waking up anymore. I like being alive again. I haven't complained to my wife even once since I left my last job. The guilt of piling my work problems on my wife was getting big, but I needed so badly to confide in someone about it.
Good luck! You can do it!!
If it's like my experience, it will probably be a hangover at your new job for a few weeks, but if you are mindful of it and don't let it make a bad new impression, it'll go away. This is assuming a new job isn't just as bad.
And now at work, I'm being treated poorly by a particular person and he's generally offensive to everyone. He's kind of like my dad in a lot of ways and it's "triggering" me. Managers and HR don't seem to care much. I'm also concerned about retaliation because this guy came here with a handful of other people, a couple of which are extremely high level that can hold me back and give problem guy preferential treatment.
I'm one of few female engineers here and I feel like people with power are looking at me as whiny, it doesn't feel good. I already have too many short stints on my resume so I feel like I can't leave and I suck at tech interviews too...partly because "showing my thought process" is terrifying when I've grown up with all my thoughts and feelings being used as a weapon against me.
I have almost no friends in the city I moved to, I miss my mom and my brother a lot. I could try harder to make some new friends here but work is exhausting and I just don't feel good and I'd rather stay home and cuddle my dog. She is pretty much the only thing that gives me energy. :/
If you're in the Bay Area would be happy to meet up for a coffee. I understand the desire to just want to stay home a lot too, so no pressure. Email in profile.
Also read about wait vs interrupt culture [https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/LuXb6CZG4x7pDRBP8/wait-vs-in...]. Generally women are spoken over by men at work. And of the men its the loudest and largest egos that get their voices heard regardless of quality or veracity of words. Most statements are just opinions, and because the dunning-kruger effect grants these people with confidence, they will just speak whatever opinion they have as facts.
You should also really try and meet people you can connect with outside of work, I find having people around helps as a mental shield to all the toxic people in your life. Because work can be competitive, people have tendencies to play the asshole card there far more often than in other aspects of life. It helps with sanity to have a better balance of people. Try meetups/clubs (for coders? for girl coders?, I'm in a book club and I like it), or classes (yoga? dance? martial arts?), or try volunteering (a place where you might find more people with empathy). Or do all of those combined.
I grew up poor and now I'm making more money than I ever imagined I could so I feel like I can't complain too much, but as soon as I hit the 1 year mark and am no longer obligated to pay back my signing/relocation bonus and fees associated with breaking my lease, I'm moving to be with my SO (if we make it to that point.) It's not worth it.
Why is your SO not coming to you?
a) Broke it off
b) Moved
c) Asked her to move in with me
I'm so glad I didn't have to make that choice. It would have crippled my career (leaving the city). I hope it works out for you and the relationship is worth any possible career damage.
Hell, you're currently making about what I do after 10+ years of experience even taking cost of living into account (of course I stupidly never left Chicago). Use that salary to leverage a better trajectory than I ever got.
Assuming your love is on the west coast somewhere, you should be able to find something close to her that pays comparably well.
Just do your best to stick it out and keep looking. A year really isn't that long. I've hated my current job for the past two years but I'm still here (well I desperately need to leave, but it has some perks, like working remotely, and it's hard to find a new job when you're planning a wedding, which thankfully is done now). Having that job on your resume will help you negotiate down the line.
Set some hard boundaries around work. It's a city where people overwork like it's a mark of virtue. Plus, since you're not planning to stay, you don't need to grind yourself to death to climb the corporate hierarchy.
Make time to talk to your SO almost every day. When I lived half a world away, I called each morning during the week since her wakeup time was shortly before my bedtime. From coast to coast is a little more awkward, but finding such a time (afternoon commute for her, after dinner for you or the like) is a powerful ritual.
Wishing the parent poster the best of luck with everything.
I do some good old-fashioned journaling by hand. There's never been software for this sort of thing that I liked, and it feels more cathartic to write it by hand than to type it out. It does get hard at times, admittedly, with things like a lackluster job searching experience, friends also having issues, and a host of other issues that you run into in life, but such is life. I'm just trying to do my best to get through it :) Actively making an effort to spend time around others definitely helps.
1. journaling for the feedback loop
2. meditation in times of stress or uncertainty
3. exercise, regularly
4. quality sleep, as close to 8 hours as I can manage
5. a mix of intentionally alone time and social time with others - time alone builds me up, but time with others maintains important relationships
Now things have completely flipped, and it's pretty confusing. I got a job that I like and switched industries from healthcare infrastructure to manufacturing, and I actually believe in my company / like my manager / make a little more money, and by living in a house with 4 friends I've known forever I'm saving a ton. But I also have a 2.5 hour round-trip commute, and live in a city with such bad infrastructure that things like getting groceries have a huge amount of friction associated with them.
The weird thing is that the tiredness/lack of spare time/time dilation that comes with a living situation like this feels like dissociation, and the fact that I can't move forward with my previous goals effectively makes me feel like I am atrophying as a person. I'll probably do this for another year or so.