What are you reading at the moment?
A book about finance (in print) and Isaacson's Ben Franklin bio (on audio).
Readit Newshn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
Have you considered starting a book club? I love to read and I found a few people that like to read in the same genre and we have a lot of fun.
I could try, but I live in a small midwestern town which is mostly blue-collar (living here to be close to family, also LCOL). The odds of overlapping interests nearby are pretty low.
There is a major metro ~1 hr away but the commute would be killer.
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
> I have a great remote job which pays well without being too demanding
Do you mind disclosing your employer or at least how you obtained your job? Some of us are having "trouble finding employment"[1]
I had the very fortunate experience of being aggressively sought out by a good recruiter for a shoe-in role at a small company. I wish I had some tips to share but I think my experience is non-replicable.
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
With kids of 3 and 7 I have to think that you have plenty to occupy you. Your kids school or extra-curricular activities will probably get you new acquaintances soon. (We are in touch still with some people we met through our son's school or school activities, and he is older than you are.)
You could try volunteer activities I suppose.
And let me also say that 33 is hardly even "getting middle aged".
> will probably get you new acquaintances soon ... 33 is hardly even "getting middle aged".
Ha, yes, saying "old" is definitely being melodramatic. I suppose I am concerned that, given my current bland state, I will have a hard time creating and sustaining connections with the ample time I have left.
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
"I am generally happy", good for you. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. Not everyone can say that.
My suggestion is to try different things even if you have to force yourself with the hope that you'll find something you enjoy and can share. There will be many things that you can share with your kids or as a family that will get you there. It's just a matter of trying. I know time is limited but you can carve out some time as a goal especially if you can do it with your family. Start with a family home evening where do the activities with your family.
> good for you. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. Not everyone can say that.
Yes, that is a good perspective. Hedonic adaptation really applies to everything
> things that you can share with your kids or as a family
Yeah I think that is part of the answer. I have perhaps over-optimized deferring to what my family wants/needs but it would probably be better for everyone if I had something I was excited to do and set aside time around that.
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
quit your job. too many people remain in a job for far too long. unless you are in a trajectory to become the vp of the company by 43, quit and start your own thing.
most people think of a job as a lifetime thing whereas it is a short paid bootstrapping session to learn how the adult world works.
after that you should be finding edges and exploiting them on your own.
Ha, well my job is the one part of my life I feel really good about. I'm learning a lot, have plenty of autonomy, the work is interesting/challenging, and I see a path to having a lot of impact in this role and whatever I do next (assuming human intelligence is still needed over the next few decades).
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
The social pressure to "be interesting" is one of the factors that I think leads to a lot of our collective misery. I think the problem is one of scale - if you're not engaging with other people because they don't share your interests, you may be hanging out with the wrong people, but you may not have a choice. You may be required to hang out with them because they are co-workers, neighbors, etc. - members of communities to which you may belong but may not have willingly chosen (i.e. if you're lucky enough to have been able to choose your job and your position and the team you work with, you are in a very fortunate minority).
So much of our self worth is wrapped up in "being important" or "being interesting". We don't ask the question enough, "To whom"? As someone else mentioned here, you should be important to the communities you have explicitly chosen and built - your wife and kids, the friends you choose to keep in your life, etc. If they find you interesting and important, that really ought to be enough for just about all of us. I do feel like an awful lot of this pressure to be interesting stems from people who have not cultivated such communities of choice and are left with a dire need to feel important to anyone who will pay attention to them. It's a sickness that I think a lot of people have been able to muster into the wrong kind of attention building, which makes it seems better than it is (e.g. parasocial relationships through social media, etc.)
All of this is to say: Are you happy? Do the people who matter to you find you interesting and fun to be around? Focus on them and be happy. Our lives are enriched by the people we let into them. So long as everyone in our circles are well fed, well loved, and well rested - ourselves included - we can find peace and happiness. Excitement means different things to different people - you'll never catch me bungee jumping, but I get a rush when a delicious meal I had planned turns out exactly as I intended. Find what excites you, surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you - and whom you love and appreciate in return - and work toward your own sense of happiness without the judgement of the chattering classes.
Really good comment. While I am somewhat concerned about people in general finding me interesting, the real concern is that I don't think my family finds me all that interesting. I am available and attentive but I don't think I bring all that much to the table in terms of fun.
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
Why don't you do some shit with your family, like go on a vacation or go hiking or go sailing or go to museum. You'll spend time with your family and have something to talk about.
Haha doing shit with my kids is something I should lean into more. We do a lot of vacations of course and those are always a lot of fun,
I think I feel selfish if I spend family time on my interests but that would probably be preferable to a blob of a dad who doesn't have anything he is excited to do.
hn_burner_2038 commented on Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it? · Posted by u/hn_burner_2038
Coaching your kids' sports teams is a pretty mainstream social activity for a father of young kids. By age 7, my dad was involving me at least a bit in home repair & home improvement projects.
BTW - are you regularly reading to your kids? That also checks a lot of your boxes.
I have done coaching and my son loved it so I will try to keep that up. I wasn't really able to connect with any of the other parents though, I don't think any of them would recognize me if they ran into me at the grocery store.
I do read a lot to the kids, that has been great.
Evidently it requires not only transfer, but some kind of transformation that they do in their cloud, and I'm not interested in another cloud subscription, particularly one so specific. (Happy to pay for the software & updates, just not to maintain the subscription and maintain the concern about another connection in the loop)
This was a couple years ago. Perhaps this has changed, or there's now a plugin to make such a bidirectional transfer work?
TIA for any suggestions!