hestipod (u/hestipod)

hestipod commented on Do some surgical implants do more harm than good? newyorker.com/magazine/20... · Posted by u/hhs

scythe · 5 years ago

>"The problem" is always the victim...never the people doing the victimization.

You are not being victimized. Your post was downvoted. It is not a big deal. Nothing bad happened to you here today.

>if they don't "contribute to the discussion" in the way they want then they are invalidated.

It is a community norm to downvote posts that do not contribute to the discussion. I like that norm. It's one of the reasons I choose to post here. If you don't like that rule, there may be other discussion boards more suited to you.

>If I laid out details...which I have done many times...those details would be ignored, picked apart, invalidated, twisted...and nothing good happens.

If you choose to assume, before you post anything, that you cannot expect the people here to be reasonable, then there is no reason to post here at all. Why would you expect people to believe you when you give no information, given that you do not expect them to believe you if you do give the information?

Nobody can do anything for you if you won't let them.

hestipod · 5 years ago

You cannot even see what you are doing and are proving my point perfectly. You invalidate and minimize what I say. You turn it into something lesser to dismiss. You excuse the things I say bother me. You say it's MY fault there is no help because I am not LETTING that help happen...which is ironically classic and well studied victim blaming.

I am done. I am not going to continue to go back and forth. No matter what I say or do there is reason to interrogate, invalidate, blame. Nothing is every enough for anyone and every answer leads to more questions and more positioning to dismiss. I know you don't agree...don't "believe"...it doesn't matter. For you this is an opportunity to win a debate or show you are smarter or better. That's what people do. My only mistake is beating my head against that same wall of human ego because I am in pain and want to make noise to relieve it.

hestipod commented on Do some surgical implants do more harm than good? newyorker.com/magazine/20... · Posted by u/hhs

scythe · 5 years ago

> a person pushing a button to further invalidate you hurts

The problem with your post is that you have predicated it entirely on your personal experiences, while being unwilling to describe those experiences in detail. You have not told us, for example, what kind of surgery was performed, what the complications were, who "scared" you "into having surgery" (and how), or what the negative effects on your life were, specifically.

You are free to choose not to share this information -- nobody can fairly expect you to share such intimate and painful details. I realize that is very difficult. But without specifics, an account of your personal experiences does not contribute very much to the discussion.

hestipod · 5 years ago

"The problem" is always the victim...never the people doing the victimization. This just reinforces that I said and believe. People don't see others as living, feeling humans. They are means to an end and if they don't "contribute to the discussion" in the way they want then they are invalidated. It's one thing to leave people be, it's another to actively push down irl or with voting. It's saying "you don't matter and what you say and do annoys/bothers/irritates me and I need to demonstrate that". I cannot understand such a selfish mindset. But it's my mistake for continuing to believe people are going to be different. Every psychologist etc I have seen has said that most people never grow past the ego driven, narcissistic child phase of emotional maturity, no matter how "intelligent" or "successful" they appear they just cannot have empathy or care about others as emotional beings like them.

If I laid out details...which I have done many times...those details would be ignored, picked apart, invalidated, twisted...and nothing good happens. Occasionally a good soul reaches out and offers support of some sort...but only once in my life has that ever been actionable and beyond "I understand and that sucks". I know it offends people...and I don't even care anymore...but most people are in it entirely for themselves as I have said. Everything they do and say is for their own emotional and physical need and even their seemingly good actions toward others is self serving. My mistake was believing the few mentors and good examples of loving human beings I have been fortunate to know were not unicorns and were just people I had to get out in the world and find. But unicorns they were/are. I learned after my suicide attempt how even when things are at their worst people will still punch down, betray, lie, abuse, cheat, and step on you for their own needs. They prevent people from opting out of life because that scares and angers them...but they refuse to do whats needed to allow those people in need to survive. They just keep you in a nice smoldering fire because that's best for them. But since I AM a feeling human being I cannot just accept it and suffer the fire...I get upset and lash out and speak out...and it just stokes the flames and I regret it. Cannot win...can only hurt.

hestipod commented on Do some surgical implants do more harm than good? newyorker.com/magazine/20... · Posted by u/hhs

hestipod · 5 years ago

Surgery ruined my life and will be the cause of it's end. I was scared into having surgery I didn't need and told if I did not I would be crippled by middle age. Multiple opinions got multiple variations on what should be done but I was too young and inexperienced to know better. It stole everything from me and has caused so much physical and mental pain as I tried to survive it and society and people turned their backs on me. Then when I became the very thing I was told to fear in all ways...and there was no way out...I tried to end my life and even THAT was denied me and now its all worse.

People love to talk about "worth the risk and cost" etc when they have no TRUE idea what the risk and cost are. People love to justify, explain, defend those who do the damage and love to blame, demean, and ignore those who suffer it. Nice little just world package to feel safe and smart. I wish I had never gone to a doctor and I wish I had known the realities of medical mistake frequency and unneeded surgery instead of the whitewashed nonsense that is sold.

Even now...post suicide attempt...the system and people are just proving what I believed was true all along...but being correct doesn't bring me any solace or pain relief.

*I understand it's bad form to complain about voting...but when your life is so painful and full of invalidation by family, society, and "professionals" even a person pushing a button to further invalidate you hurts and just reinforces what you believe about ego and selfishness in others. Being "right" or in control is always more important than others to most people. I just cannot fathom the thinking of kicking someone who is down over their experience or a generalized comment. Even if I disagreed with someone I wouldn't do that.

hestipod commented on People may know the best decision and not make it: study medicalxpress.com/news/20... · Posted by u/dnetesn

jl2718 · 5 years ago

People are scared. It looks a lot like selfishness, but it’s not. Lots of people in this forum read your words and want to help but they’re scared. What if they make it worse? The more they care, the more scared they are, the more selfish they look. I guarantee that there are people out there that feel just as bad as you, and you can make them feel better too, if you’re not too scared to help.

hestipod · 5 years ago

I guess I just feel hopeless because I cannot manage things on my own anymore, like I used to when life was good, and I cannot find enough help to survive. I have been failed over and over by systems and people and saying that is used as something being wrong with ME. Admittedly a couple of very rare times I have failed to grab on to a helping hand out of fear and situations making things worse, and I don't know if those things would have worked or not, and those rare instances seem to paint me in an even worse light as someone who is beyond help and NEVER acts or does the right thing even though that isn't true, but mostly there isn't any help. That's why I ended up where I am. People seem to think they would always be capable of finding a way out...I thought so too...the reality is different. I wish I had succeeded in leaving this world because I see no way to survive in it that is accessible to me. I'd be getting social assistance in most first world countries. I am angry, alone, in pain, exhausted, and hopeless...and that annoys and offends and I understand why but it still hurts. Just have no idea what to do...feel adrift and hopeless in a way I never imagined possible.

hestipod commented on People may know the best decision and not make it: study medicalxpress.com/news/20... · Posted by u/dnetesn

jl2718 · 5 years ago

People are scared. It looks a lot like selfishness, but it’s not. Lots of people in this forum read your words and want to help but they’re scared. What if they make it worse? The more they care, the more scared they are, the more selfish they look. I guarantee that there are people out there that feel just as bad as you, and you can make them feel better too, if you’re not too scared to help.

hestipod · 5 years ago

I am quite sure SOME people are scared, but I wish they'd try anyway...at least have the discussion of options. In my experience in life most people just don't care, are in it to win it, and others are just pieces on the board.

Yes there are many people as bad or sadly even worse off than me. That doesn't lift or make me feel any better...it makes me feel bad for them and hate the system even more. I also don't have the energy or health to be much of a supporter when I need to be supported. Drowning guy isn't the person to advocate for water safety...he is trying not to go totally under. I do give what I can of myself to a couple close people and it's already too much for me. I am not scared to help...I don't have any resources to help and am sinking myself.

hestipod commented on Bangkok Smoking Kid creativesamba.substack.co... · Posted by u/kervokian

eyelidlessness · 5 years ago

> Smokers are fully aware of the health risks of smoking. But they ignore all warnings from friends, family and outsiders. Because the only voice they listen to is theirs. And it tells them things like, "Everything causes cancer these days" or "I can give up whenever I want.

This is not the logic of most smokers I know (myself included). My reasoning, like that of most smokers I know, is:

1. I know how bad smoking is.

2. I know how hard quitting is.

3. I know the mental health effect of a quitting effort (whether successful or not) is challenging and unpredictable.

4. I have a lot of other challenges in life that incentivize putting off #2-3 until such a time as I think I can weather the storm and have a high chance of success.

Most smokers try and fail to quit multiple times before they succeed. It's a strong addiction, with a lot of negative emotional associations.

hestipod · 5 years ago

Is caffeine any different? I went 40 years without it but started when I had a need for some energy as life was so bad. I tried to quit after two years and had 30 days + of migraines that never left of abated so I went back on it. I want off but I am not in a position to have MORE pain and headaches now as life has collapsed. I wish I had never had a coffee. The small boost and bowel regularity are benefits, but the dependence is miserable. Even getting off a cup a day is super painful for me and I have read I am not alone...but people who aren't as affected think its ridiculous.

hestipod commented on Bangkok Smoking Kid creativesamba.substack.co... · Posted by u/kervokian

LeoTinnitus · 5 years ago

I actually am one of those weirdos that has to use an equalizer for android because i can't stand how loud the lowest setting is. When you work in a relatively quiet office, you sometimes want to be pick up on what other people are saying without having to ask again.

hestipod · 5 years ago

I find the lowest settings on any phone I have tried too loud with any headphones or bluetooth device. I gave up trying. Even in a normal room its painfully loud. Per your username I do have tinnitus also and some minor hearing loss but not massive. No idea why this is so miserable.

hestipod commented on People may know the best decision and not make it: study medicalxpress.com/news/20... · Posted by u/dnetesn

Tarsul · 5 years ago

I can't say I understand your condition or your suffering. I can only say that I empathize (I know you can't buy anything for it). I think you writing and talking about it is the right approach. Maybe you can do it some more (via a blog or facebook or whatever) - you will probably get a lot of feedback that you don't like. But hey, feedback means that at least there is some interest in your life from other people. That means something, even if it doesn't change your circumstances. However, maybe someone can give you some pointers (e.g. certain organizations that help) that can be the start of something better. Anyway, talking (or communicating) is better than suffering in silence. That way you can let your emotions out :)

hestipod · 5 years ago

Unfortunately changing my circumstances is the only thing that matters and could save me. Just being heard and my feelings validated isn't enough. But for some human emotional reason I am screaming out all the way to the impact.

hestipod commented on People may know the best decision and not make it: study medicalxpress.com/news/20... · Posted by u/dnetesn

carapace · 5 years ago

This forum probably isn't the best place to ask for help, but I'll try:

Suicide isn't the answer. As long as you're breathing there's hope.

And yeah, 99% of everything is crap, including, unfortunately, most people. But the stuff and people that aren't crap are worth the slog, even if it doesn't seem like it now.

Also, you're going to die anyway, it's the one thing the Universe gives you for free, the moment you're born. In the meantime, you've got an entire human life to use: you can think, talk, move around a little (I'm guessing), eh? Sure, it's painful and dirty and there's always some kind of snot or ooze involved in everything, goddamnit, but it's still a crazy cool thing to be. hang in there! You're worth it!

hestipod · 5 years ago

I am not asking for help. There is no "right place to ask for help". It's been made clear over 15 years that won't happen. Not the help I need. I am venting when a relevant topic comes up.

"Suicide isn't the answer" is the sort of platitude I mean. It is an answer. It solves the problems I am suffering. I am so tired of people who haven't slogged anywhere near as painfully and as long as I have telling me what is worth it or what I HAVE to do. People who don't understand at all what it's like or try and relate their relatively smaller issues or survivable resources and health to "knowing suffering". Everything you have said is to reinforce your own beliefs and comforts. It doesn't help me at all. Lest I sound ungrateful...I appreciate people trying...but it doesn't work or help and people and systems won't do what is required. My country has decided social systems are bad and wrong and denied me that assistance and Maslow's basic needs. I know I am worth it. I didn't cause any of this. I am a victim and that's a dirty word. Being angry about it is "wrong". Nobody arrives where I am because they have choices. It's a last desperate jump so the fire doesn't burn you up...even though you know you will fall and splat...to paraphrase DFW.

I'm happy to take the help to live...it's not there. It's "entitled" of me. It's me not "trying hard enough" whilst I am burning up. Everyone for themselves with the exception of a tiny few...and I've not had enough of those people in my life since this happened to me.