So Tailscale is cool, but I stopped using it at home because I didn't like relying on a service that I couldn't self-host and required me to log in with Github. I haven't replaced it yet, but am looking at Zerotier which seems to allow self-hosting everything.
Have you checked out headscale? It’s an open source control plane for Tailscale which lets you plug in any OIDC provider. Tailscale the company even employs an engineer which uses about 50% of his time on headscale.