I've never been involved in HR / sausage making you're describing but I can empathize so much with this feeling.
At one of my better jobs I was a developer on a backend app that would crash frequently due to queue processing issues. I kept getting distracted from what I was doing to fix this as it blocked account management teams from using the system (making money). I went out of my way to create a prototype tool to diagnose the issue (that I was fixing almost every day) and when I asked management for some time at work to finish it, they said no.
The way this was handled was fucking awful. They gave me a meeting to present what I created, but before it started the most senior person started things by saying "I'm going to let you present this but there's no way we're going to use it".
I wish I had just said ok I won't waste your time, I quit.
This is one of those PTSD trauma things I havent quite gotten over yet... it melted my candle in an unhealthy way.
It's especially sad for me because for a time (about a year?) it was the best job I've ever had and I really fondly look back on the things I did and (most of) the people I got to work with. It was a great fit for a time but it came undone in a way I was unprepared for.
I was brought in as CTO to fix some stuff. I fixed that stuff and then realised that how I wanted the business to operate and how the CEO wanted to operate were very far apart.
It all came to a head when somebody got fired and I disagreed with both the decision and how it was carried out. This was just one item amongst a bunch of other things.
This drained me so hard emotionally. I was CTO at another startup for much longer and never got close to this level of burnout. I've talked to someone else about this (talking is helpful) and they had a similar experience. It's not always about the hours or the tenure. 60 hours/week in the right environment is very different to 40 hours/week in the wrong environment.
It took a few years for me to get over this. I took some less complicated jobs with less responsibilities and less personal investment before chucking myself back into the fire. It's going well so far and I'm definitely more resilient as I've been through some pretty dire work shit since then.
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it. Getting less personally invested for a while really helped me. I also took on some hobbies that I had total control over and that helped too.
Good luck :)
If the job ad made it this far then a quick blurb about the company perks. Hint - if it mentions they have a ball-pit and a slide then it’s a ‘company not for me’ (hits filter 4). Things like medical insurance, flex-time etc results in a ok, continue reading. Sometimes the recruiting company may not want to reveal their identity and that’s ok (e.g. if using a recruitment agency) but wherever possible a link to the ‘About Us’ page is handy.
If I see paragraphs about how company X is the best, most coolest, most <insert buzz-word of the day> as an opener it is pretty much guaranteed I will delete it and make a mental note of the agency/company as a pre-filter for any future ads from them.
It's almost a rite of passage for a startup to say that they're "revolutionising the world of blahblah"
b) clear differentiation between required and nice to have
I've always been of the opinion that nice to haves just shouldn't be there. They don't help self-select in a meaningful way. The must haves must be actual must haves. E.g. must be able to code confidently in Python.
But I must be getting old, I didn't see the "See the photograph" button at first, I read the article, came back here to look for a link, realized people where commenting about it so I must have missed it, went back, looked at my screen for nearly a minute to finally see the button.
My personal experience as a Brit is that the UK has a growing trend of anti-intellectualism and being innumerate is "cool" in certain circles.