Hmm, well, imagine this turning up on HN! I attend 1,2-maybe-3 funerals every year because of this exact project, and while every one of these is very different, the experience is always humbling.
Most of the time, literally nobody will show up. So, you'll pay your respect to the deceased using a short speech that is based on the information provided (which is usually pretty scarce, like: "found abandoned, identified, but no next-of-kin responded") complemented with Google and your imagination, and that's about it.
Then, there are the occasions where one or two people will attend. These are usually the hardest: you have to make clear that you don't actually know the first thing about the deceased, other than what Google told you, and that might be ENTIRELY wrong, but still have to deliver a coherent eulogy. Poems work best for these situations, and sometimes talking to the visitors is quite revealing as well.
And then, there are surprises, like a room full of people turning up, and you being able to elicit stories from family and friends, and basically having a regular funeral. But I admit that happened once in like the past decade or so.
Anyway, I think it's important that nobody is left to their final resting place without witnesses, and I also find avoiding that is a good way to engage with your community...
Something I feel like you've left out that is important: It's a gesture of respect, ensuring that no one's passing goes unnoticed.
And more of a comment to the other replies; a relative being unable to be contacted currently doesn't mean they don't care. Them finding out later and knowing, despite everything, they got a dignified ending might give them some peace. These funerals are not being held for the people attending them but at the same time you can't have a funeral without someone attending them.
It would probably be emotionally harder to spend the same energy on visiting the dying in hospice care but it would be more than symbolic. I'd rather have you show up and say "Hi, want to talk?" than go to my wake.
But since I don't do either you're a more compassionate person than me either way.
I notice several people saying the energy is better spent on hospice, but these seem like different activities to me?
Not everyone who dies spends time in hospice. Wikipedia says 7-8% die from accidents and violence, and over 30% die from heart disease, which would include sudden death due to things like heart attack. I'd also expect those who die in hospice to be less likely to have unattended/low-attendance funerals. Family and friends have time to plan and gather for the death because they know it's coming. They also have time to adjust start the grieving process.
If someone I knew died suddenly and I was the only one who could make it to their funeral, I would certainly appreciate having someone else there as a witness, even if they didn't know much about the deceased.
Internet commentators here trying to critique and optimise your time spent turning up to funerals to say something nice when nobody else has is a little disappointing.
As a thing that happens in the world, an empty funeral is a sad thing. Zoom out folks.
To be honest, I sort-of-expected a lot more conversation around the mechanics of the ceremony (after all, with a lonely funeral, you're the director!), which is a fascinating topic on its own.
Instead, reactions were more like those to a viral video: how dare you pay attention to someone who clearly doesn't deserve it? I did not manage to complete all responses I started typing out because of, well, feelings, but that strangely helped to justify the handful of hours I spend on this particular project every year...
When I zoom out, I wonder who you do it for, and indeed I come to the conclusion there is so much hatred in this world (including in and around Amsterdam), where people would be better off with giving each other love and attention while alive. There's also people who like solitude.
Whereas for the person doing this, it is a (hopefully fun) hobby, and totally within their right to do so. But to say they do it for others? No. After all, nobody notices, there is no meaningful impact whatsoever. Which, to be honest, is a sad realization.
You see, the last funeral I went to, was a good friend of my mother. We had to travel throughout the country. I didn't see her much past years, and she wasn't a friend of mine, but I liked her. Why did I go? To support my mother, and because she was a kind person as far as I knew her, and to support the family (her kids especially). In a lone funeral though, none of these factors apply.
There's another aspect when I zoom out: why funeral? Why not a different way to leave earth? There are much less impactful methods. Especially Amsterdam is a crowded city. The friend of my mother, for example, went to a natuurbegrafenis (natural burial?) which fits her character very much. It was beautiful.
Oddly enough, I actually tried to make something like this happen at my high school. My high school was a private and catholic one. We had a strong relationship with a lot of the local parishes and shelters and there was always a need for some paulbearers or otherwise "witnesses" for individuals with no family (older, homeless etc) who had passed.
Initially I would just attend a few burials. I did not say much (if anything), nor do much. I just tried reflecting on the person and hoped they found some peace and comfort.
When I tried getting it off the ground into something more formal we ran into some bureaucratic issues. Makes me kind of sad. Maybe I should reach back out and see if I could get it started again.
I don't understand this project. If you want people to feel less lonely, then do it while they are alive. I know I wouldn't want a funeral attended by strangers that didn't know me, for me it feels even sadder than a funeral attended by no-one.
What do the poets gain from this, an avenue to exercise their creativity? I'm sorry if I sound rude but I genuinely don't get it
This really depends on whether you think that someone who is dead has the ability to care.
In my opinion, funerals are for the living, for those left behind. And it’s those who don’t like the thought of non-attended funerals who organize this, and it’s really for them, not for the dead, whose lives are already over and done. Dignity is for those who can experience the dignity or lack thereof.
> Acedia comes from the latin acedia, which itself comes from the Greek akedia, which translates as “lack of care”. Prior to the Christian era, ~the word denoted the act of not burying one’s dead. Thus it connotes a dehumanization~. Man buries his dead; animals do not.
I imagine poetry as an often misanthropic and lonely hobby with virtually zero demand for it’s output. Whether written or spoken. Moreso now there are LLMs.
If I die unrespected and socially isolated I like the thought of donating my body to medicine while providing a funeral for poets to crash and get their words out. It is an absurd concept, it would be nice if they connected socially before I died and provided the respect they are concerned about. But given the constraints of their own lives it is nice knowing my lonely death could provide social support to probably introverted intelligent thoughtful people who are likely at risk of social isolation themself.
What is the purpose of a funeral is an interesting question. I think it is to help the living to socialise and forge ahead with a cohesive story of the deceased ‘s contribution to their own lives and to navigate the gap and hierarchy left in the modified social network. I’m guessing this process reduces grief and conflict as people feel loved and supported through the process.
If you die alone you leave no gap. I think it’s brilliant that Poets seized this opportunity to get a reading in and strengthen their own social network. They are also attributing value and respect to life, no matter how meaningless, which is another positive. The futility and absurdity of the human condition is a beautiful thing we all wrestle with whether socially connected or not and I think this is the point they are getting across while having someone listen to their poetry.
> I imagine poetry as an often misanthropic and lonely hobby with virtually zero demand for it’s output. Whether written or spoken. Moreso now there are LLMs.
(1) In any big city in the US, you can easily find poetry workshops/meeting groups. I'm currently in one (Boston), we read each others' poetry and talk about poetry every week. It's absolutely ridiculous to think there is no demand for poetry, poetry is one of the -- if not the -- oldest art forms, I mean yeah there are people who read poetry even in 2024. My generic bookstore still has a poetry section where I pay $$$ to exchange for poetry books. There is even a dedicated poetry book shop in Harvard Sq (i.e. they exclusively sell poetry books) and they pay the same (expensive Boston) rent any other business pays.
(2) LLMs write dogshit poetry. Comparing a "good" poem with a GPT-4 generated poem is like comparing "2001: Space Odyssey" and "The Room". Other than the fact that they're both arguably "movies" the quality difference is extremely obvious to people who are familiar with this art form.
about a decade ago i stood in as a pall bearer for someone who didn't have enough people and i decided it was important to be able to convene a party of six. found a fraternal organization and after some vetting, joined. it's what you make it, someone dies every couple of years and the loss of loose acquaintances and casual friends gives you some valuable perspective on lives lived and how to apply the time you are given. overall, recommend.
It is interesting that the first two comments on here are in relation to the living. Yes we should strive to reduce the suffering of the living to the fullest extent possible. But, just as much, the dead do deserve our attention and respect.
Is it “pointless” from some sort of “efficient use of time and resources”? Of course it is. That isn’t the point. Much of what gives meaning and purpose in life can be deemed “pointless” (music, fiction, liturgy). As Aristotle said:
> we are unleisurely in order to have leisure
The dignity of a person doesn’t cease when they are dead.
I used to look down on the "spiritual, but not religious" thing. But now I think that being spiritual means choosing to keep some things sacred. You can do this without believing in anything supernatural (I believe we all do to some extent or another).
> But, just as much, the dead do deserve our attention and respect.
They do in a way, but don't fool yourself that it's actually about the individual dead. It's about humanity in general, and the contribution – good, bad, or meaningless – that every single human life has made to our collective existence. It's good that we admire rainbows, but that doesn't mean we should revere every droplet of water.
> The dignity of a person doesn’t cease when they are dead.
It doesn't 'cease' inasmuch as it becomes a meaningless term. The dead don't have dignity, they are no longer people. It's the memories of the dead have dignity. Those memories are not a part of the dead, they are a part of the living that remember them.
I'm not sure you believe what you're saying. The dead don't have dignity? They aren't people anymore?
Treating the dead with dignity isn't solely for the sake of the dead, it's literally one of the oldest cultural norms of homo sapiens and perhaps even our homonid ancestors.
A homeless man is found dead outside city hall. He is nominally identified, but no relatives can be identified. What should the city do with him or - excuse me - his remains?
> Is it “pointless” from some sort of “efficient use of time and resources”? Of course it is. That isn’t the point.
Small nitpick, but the "pointlessness" of it is actually the point! It's the sacrifice for no other reason that makes it a sacrifice and, thus, worthwhile.
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Most of the time, literally nobody will show up. So, you'll pay your respect to the deceased using a short speech that is based on the information provided (which is usually pretty scarce, like: "found abandoned, identified, but no next-of-kin responded") complemented with Google and your imagination, and that's about it.
Then, there are the occasions where one or two people will attend. These are usually the hardest: you have to make clear that you don't actually know the first thing about the deceased, other than what Google told you, and that might be ENTIRELY wrong, but still have to deliver a coherent eulogy. Poems work best for these situations, and sometimes talking to the visitors is quite revealing as well.
And then, there are surprises, like a room full of people turning up, and you being able to elicit stories from family and friends, and basically having a regular funeral. But I admit that happened once in like the past decade or so.
Anyway, I think it's important that nobody is left to their final resting place without witnesses, and I also find avoiding that is a good way to engage with your community...
And more of a comment to the other replies; a relative being unable to be contacted currently doesn't mean they don't care. Them finding out later and knowing, despite everything, they got a dignified ending might give them some peace. These funerals are not being held for the people attending them but at the same time you can't have a funeral without someone attending them.
But since I don't do either you're a more compassionate person than me either way.
Not everyone who dies spends time in hospice. Wikipedia says 7-8% die from accidents and violence, and over 30% die from heart disease, which would include sudden death due to things like heart attack. I'd also expect those who die in hospice to be less likely to have unattended/low-attendance funerals. Family and friends have time to plan and gather for the death because they know it's coming. They also have time to adjust start the grieving process.
If someone I knew died suddenly and I was the only one who could make it to their funeral, I would certainly appreciate having someone else there as a witness, even if they didn't know much about the deceased.
Deleted Comment
As a thing that happens in the world, an empty funeral is a sad thing. Zoom out folks.
Instead, reactions were more like those to a viral video: how dare you pay attention to someone who clearly doesn't deserve it? I did not manage to complete all responses I started typing out because of, well, feelings, but that strangely helped to justify the handful of hours I spend on this particular project every year...
Whereas for the person doing this, it is a (hopefully fun) hobby, and totally within their right to do so. But to say they do it for others? No. After all, nobody notices, there is no meaningful impact whatsoever. Which, to be honest, is a sad realization.
You see, the last funeral I went to, was a good friend of my mother. We had to travel throughout the country. I didn't see her much past years, and she wasn't a friend of mine, but I liked her. Why did I go? To support my mother, and because she was a kind person as far as I knew her, and to support the family (her kids especially). In a lone funeral though, none of these factors apply.
There's another aspect when I zoom out: why funeral? Why not a different way to leave earth? There are much less impactful methods. Especially Amsterdam is a crowded city. The friend of my mother, for example, went to a natuurbegrafenis (natural burial?) which fits her character very much. It was beautiful.
Initially I would just attend a few burials. I did not say much (if anything), nor do much. I just tried reflecting on the person and hoped they found some peace and comfort.
When I tried getting it off the ground into something more formal we ran into some bureaucratic issues. Makes me kind of sad. Maybe I should reach back out and see if I could get it started again.
What do the poets gain from this, an avenue to exercise their creativity? I'm sorry if I sound rude but I genuinely don't get it
In my opinion, funerals are for the living, for those left behind. And it’s those who don’t like the thought of non-attended funerals who organize this, and it’s really for them, not for the dead, whose lives are already over and done. Dignity is for those who can experience the dignity or lack thereof.
Nault: The Noonday Devil
https://archive.is/e1v1r
If I die unrespected and socially isolated I like the thought of donating my body to medicine while providing a funeral for poets to crash and get their words out. It is an absurd concept, it would be nice if they connected socially before I died and provided the respect they are concerned about. But given the constraints of their own lives it is nice knowing my lonely death could provide social support to probably introverted intelligent thoughtful people who are likely at risk of social isolation themself.
What is the purpose of a funeral is an interesting question. I think it is to help the living to socialise and forge ahead with a cohesive story of the deceased ‘s contribution to their own lives and to navigate the gap and hierarchy left in the modified social network. I’m guessing this process reduces grief and conflict as people feel loved and supported through the process.
If you die alone you leave no gap. I think it’s brilliant that Poets seized this opportunity to get a reading in and strengthen their own social network. They are also attributing value and respect to life, no matter how meaningless, which is another positive. The futility and absurdity of the human condition is a beautiful thing we all wrestle with whether socially connected or not and I think this is the point they are getting across while having someone listen to their poetry.
(1) In any big city in the US, you can easily find poetry workshops/meeting groups. I'm currently in one (Boston), we read each others' poetry and talk about poetry every week. It's absolutely ridiculous to think there is no demand for poetry, poetry is one of the -- if not the -- oldest art forms, I mean yeah there are people who read poetry even in 2024. My generic bookstore still has a poetry section where I pay $$$ to exchange for poetry books. There is even a dedicated poetry book shop in Harvard Sq (i.e. they exclusively sell poetry books) and they pay the same (expensive Boston) rent any other business pays.
(2) LLMs write dogshit poetry. Comparing a "good" poem with a GPT-4 generated poem is like comparing "2001: Space Odyssey" and "The Room". Other than the fact that they're both arguably "movies" the quality difference is extremely obvious to people who are familiar with this art form.
Is it “pointless” from some sort of “efficient use of time and resources”? Of course it is. That isn’t the point. Much of what gives meaning and purpose in life can be deemed “pointless” (music, fiction, liturgy). As Aristotle said:
> we are unleisurely in order to have leisure
The dignity of a person doesn’t cease when they are dead.
They do in a way, but don't fool yourself that it's actually about the individual dead. It's about humanity in general, and the contribution – good, bad, or meaningless – that every single human life has made to our collective existence. It's good that we admire rainbows, but that doesn't mean we should revere every droplet of water.
> The dignity of a person doesn’t cease when they are dead.
It doesn't 'cease' inasmuch as it becomes a meaningless term. The dead don't have dignity, they are no longer people. It's the memories of the dead have dignity. Those memories are not a part of the dead, they are a part of the living that remember them.
Treating the dead with dignity isn't solely for the sake of the dead, it's literally one of the oldest cultural norms of homo sapiens and perhaps even our homonid ancestors.
A homeless man is found dead outside city hall. He is nominally identified, but no relatives can be identified. What should the city do with him or - excuse me - his remains?
Small nitpick, but the "pointlessness" of it is actually the point! It's the sacrifice for no other reason that makes it a sacrifice and, thus, worthwhile.