I am in a Techno managerial leadership role in my organization. I am facing issue when facing large audience. I am good at giving tech talks to multiple audience. May be initial anxiety will be there while giving tech talks, but once I start, I am really good in making impactful tech talks/presentations. Also general topics, I can talk infornt of my 75 member team.
But when it comes to impromptu talks, giving opinions or asking just questions in big forums involving senior leaders / peers or other team members, I generally fumble. My body language doesn't show confidence, try to mince words etc.
I step back because i feel i am being judged, or I make wrong statement etc.
Any one who has overcome this fear and were able to improve Body language showing confidence amidst many people (esp. when your managers are present). Please let me know if you have any hacks in overcoming this situation. This will take me leaps forward in my career. Thanks for your support, as always.
Yes, but you're not going to like the answer: I stopped caring. Not because that is the best solution, but the only one that worked for me with my limited skill set. I focus on the topic and blatantly assume that my contribution outweighs my presentational shortcomings. People keep seeking my input despite that, so the sum must be a net positive or everybody is just crazy.
I read some of your HN contributions, you seem to be a based person. I think I would enjoy working with you and you probably get along well with others in your organisation. I think people hold you in higher regard than you think they do.
After I told to myself that I have this attitude, I started to be able to play with the audience's attention instead of focusing on myself.
This attitude sorted my entire life, and it keeps solving more and more problems.
I am so glad that I adopted this mindset very early in life (late teens).
It's like hearing your own heartbeat as you're trying to fall asleep. No one else can hear it; they also don't notice slight pauses nearly as much as you do. Take the time you need and plow through it.
Not a necessary truth
People really don't care. They might chuckle for a moment if you really goofed up but they forget very fast. It's us who amplify what others might be thinking. Someone said it rightly:
We suffer more in imagination than in reality.
Teachers, please don't do this, do your fucking job and be honest. School is the best time to work on things like this.
Feel anxiety - attention on own body language - less attention on others - less effective communication - feel more anxiety
The theory then goes, that the way to break the cycle is, when you find yourself paying attention to your own body language, resolve to concentrate instead on making the communication effective. Look outward, not inward. Ask clarifying questions, find out the context, look for people who might want to ask their own question but are too nervous etc.
This creates a positive cycle. You become better at communication, and your body language improves as you stop feeling that your are at the mercy of the situation.
Other people are not actually interested in whether you are feeling nervous, they just want to communicate. They will forget fumbles if you move past them yourself.
As someone who still struggles with the same problem, here are some things that really help me:
First, be open about it. Talk about it to your family, friends, colleagues, boss. That way you'll at least get rid of the shame and the guilt that accompany this "handicap". When my teenage kids, who are very sensitive this kind of thing, bug me about my trembling, or my breaking voice (which may come in a variety of social situations), I explain to them that it's not something that I do on purpose, and that it's not something I control.
In fact, when I get this kind of anxiety which is manifested physiologically (which can look scary to the other people in the room), I try to explain to my audience what's happening to me. I have found that people's attitude will change from bewilderment and suspicion to empathy, which immediately lowers the tension in the room, helps me calm down somewhat and lets me get on with the subject matter with greater ease.
I have also found that concentrating on my breath helps tremendously, and in fact the physical effects come because my body muscles seem to contract in a sort of panic reaction, and the only way I can reverse that is to take long, slow breaths that relax my body.
So, when talking in public, I slow down, taking the time to breath at the end of each phrase. This is not easy to do at first, but combined with an attentive and empathetic crowd, it really changes everything! A practice that I have found to work really well, is to practice mindful breathing while doing some activity, like programming, cooking, gardening or whatever.
I found this to be surprisingly challenging at first, as you need to split your attention between the activity at hand and the controlled slow breathing. But every time I practiced it (especially in preparation for giving a talk), the difference was remarkable.
I hope this helps!
First, I think it should be okay to answer "I don't know" if you don't know. If you feel like this is okay it should become easier.
If you lose confidence when your managers are around I would start asking myself why this is the case? Are you afraid that they will judge you? Do you have a strained relationship?
Anyway, this is a rather complicated issue which takes time to tackle. If you can afford it, go see a public speaking coach/mental coach/therapist. If you think it's just part something you need to practice, there are "impromptu theater" groups.
If that doesn't sound like your jam, maybe look into a speech class or Toastmasters. I know you're already comfortable speaking in front of large groups, but you'll have an opportunity to practice extemporaneous speech (speech with very limited prep), which should be directly applicable to your situation.
You are then in a safe environment where everyone wants to see you succeed and give you help.
I found that it was being put on the spot that flustered me. I learned to respond by saying: "That's a good question. Give me a second to think it through". Then I would wait a few seconds, until I felt the tension ease. Then I'd invariably be able to give a better answer.
I did it to manage my anxiety but I also found that it helped convey a sense of authority and gravitas.
Over time I am not so anxious when being put on the spot, and so tend to launch right in, often to less effect than if I'd paused for thought first.
Several people below recommend toastmasters. Do it. https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club
They have been around for a hundred years, because they are good at it. There's nothing wrong with other approaches, but toastmasters is good at making nervous people comfortable. Toastmasters' meetings have short, improv speeches every meeting, so you can practice the thing you need work on. And you can get feedback, delivered kindly!
Improv is fine, too. I just find it a little scarier to get started in. And it doesn't have as much emphasis on "organize your thoughts". Of course, it's a lot of fun!!
Anything that gives you practice on what you aren't good at is good. Give lightning talks at small users groups. Hell, get a weekend job at Starbucks. Have a friend ask you questions like this, and answer them on your feet. Get up in the morning, and explain something to your mirror. Find the nearest small group of people, and summarize the responses given here!
Practice, practice, practice
You have to be so good at what you do that it doesn't matter how nervous you are. Focus on the content, and deliver. All the audience wants is a good show. Once you realize you're as good as you're supposed to be, all the anxiety and pressure slowly fades away.