It all stems from being fundamentally so unhappy with work. I have changed 3 employers over the past 4 years and I’ve been more and more depressed with each transition. I spend my life in a state of immense disappointment about having to work. I am not even passionate about software anymore, so it’s not only the corporate madness (meetings, offices, coworkers, bosses, pressure to perform, code reviewers, etc). My weekends are filled with anxiety about Mondays. Everywhere I go I just cannot stand the pressure to perform and the massive time investment.
I haven’t quit yet (despite likely affording to do so on a financial basis) because I’m a coward who would never forgive himself for having quit such a high paying job, and prefer to instead every day destroy my mental health at yet another workplace, hoping that it will be the day I will be fired or laid off, so that the decision would be taken for me.
Professional mental health has been useless, I know what I need to do, just quit.
I look at the job ads and for most of them: 1) I don't see myself fitting and/or 2) I could not care less for what they are doing.
So trying to look deeper into my soul, considering something on the verge of software and hardware, related to helping humans, or trying to get to academia.
I don't have a solution for you, but for sure, look deep inside you - if there were no social / financial / ego constraints and the possibilities were endless, what would you choose?
Also curious about a post-mortem - come back to share here when you've figured out.