owlcompliance (u/owlcompliance)

owlcompliance commented on I'm struggling and I don't have anyone else to share this with except you · Posted by u/owlcompliance

salawat · 2 days ago

Alas, I am not. T'were the case, assuming that's where you are, I'd invite you over. The pond you'd have to cross however, probably renders such a thing inviable. I hesitated to even broach the subject on a public forum. Couldn't bring myself not to, though. Been there, man. It sucks. Sorry for long periods between replies. I've apparently been spitting too much fire lately for one of the mods' sensibilities here, so I'm apparently in the rate limited box. Now that I know that, I'd much rather spend a reply helping someone that may still be helped rather than waste it on one of the more unethical, irredeemable pseuds that tend to congregate here looking for people who don't call them out for being such. I'm generally a tolerant person who tries to err on the side of civility, and I don't mind a good bout of mischief, but there is a particular type of snake that lurks here that has just reached the bottom of the pit in which my tolerance resides.

owlcompliance · a day ago

> I'd much rather spend a reply helping someone that may still be helped rather than waste it on one of the more unethical, irredeemable pseuds that tend to congregate here looking for people who don't call them out for being such.

Well, that certainly makes two of us man. I'd be lying to you if I said this was my first account lol. I'm in Illinois; I don't know what exactly made me think you were in the UK, but figured I'd ask.

This forum is definitely either abounds with people of a certain type of inclination, or is presided over by people with said inclinations; probably both. So I hear ya loud and clear.

I think you chose the right person to help; not, as we say in Spanish, because I'm the last Coca Cola in the desert, but because I like to be guided and taught. If someone calls me out on something I need to change, I only appreciate them more.

So again, I'm incredibly grateful for you taking the time, man. If you're in Illinois somewhere, let me know because I could use another hour or four of your wise counsel.

owlcompliance commented on I'm struggling and I don't have anyone else to share this with except you · Posted by u/owlcompliance

armchairhacker · 3 days ago

It sounds like the people you work with are “phonies”. You may have already heard this advice, but try to make friends outside of work. Maybe with other parents?

It can seem untrue, but there are still lots of communities online and offline.

Also regarding “people in the US are friendly, people elsewhere are unfriendly” (which IMO is incorrect but users are being too harsh on you). Most people in the southern US are generally known for appearing friendly and extroverted, while most in Eastern Europe appear “cold” and introverted. It’s a culture thing. But there are people who pretend to be friendly while spreading rumors behind your back (as you’ve experienced) and not committing to anything; likewise, some cold people are very nice if you get to know them, and would immediately help anyone in need, they just don’t like smalltalk with strangers. “You can’t judge a book by its cover”: there are friendly and unfriendly people everywhere, look for those who demonstrate commitment (act friendly and help others in ways that require effort or don’t improve their appearance).

owlcompliance · 2 days ago

I think you're right. Regarding my view on US vs. Eastern Europe, I think you're also right and your words changed my perspective. I think I was being inconsiderate in my assessment in that just because cultures are different, doesn't mean this person in that given country will actually help you more than that other person.

As you said, I'm literally experiencing "nice" people that are talking behind my back right now, so yeah, that definitely says something, as well.

Thank you for your thoughtful and edifying perspective. I really appreciate your words man. Feeling a lot better today, but still going through a lot of other things; it's a lonely road, but this is life. Other people are going through worse things. People like you and others in this comments section are a breath of fresh air to me, in my real, non-digital life.

owlcompliance commented on I'm struggling and I don't have anyone else to share this with except you · Posted by u/owlcompliance

_wire_ · 3 days ago

My observation neé suggestion is to examine your expectations and what you think it means to be a nice (or good) colleague.

First principle: social milieus run primarily on instinct, so the first rule is know thyself: what are your instincts? What you find attractive in others, what annoys you. What do you want?

Next: You can't always get what you want but we tend to get what we need. Observe silent gratitude when you feel it and make a note of it.

Third: ask not what others can do for you, but what can you do for others, in a manner that fits your feelings, values, and after this, what do you wish for them. Offer your surplus gingerly to the people you like.

Continuing: Respect your own feelings about those you don't like. Understand yourself, your moods, peeves, pleasures, agitations.

Keep work relationships focused on the work at hand. Build trust with your own performance and stay focused on the work. When you have the good fortune to find friendly birds of a feather, treat these relationships with the respect and boundaries appropriate to the workplace. Don't let others suck you into their trips out of obligations of appearing friendly.

Lastly, most of who we are is unconscious and instinctual. Being nice all the time might seem appealing from a pragmatic view, but it's vibe that can truly annoy others subconsciously. If there's "a game" we all play socially it's to conserve the privilege of our solitude and time with people we truly like. Work is full bores.

(A bore being someone who deprives you of solitude without offering company)

Regarding destiny or a personal curse:

It is possible you are a true social outlier having an unusual and unfortunate experience that few others have seen nor can they appreciate. It's possible that workplace life is now generally insane. Consider your own temperament and values and how you will walk through hell.

Observe that while you might be in hell, by your own conduct and attitude, anyplace you end up can potentially become better because you're there!

If you aren't finding what you need, try building it for those around you.

owlcompliance · 2 days ago

Such a sobering perspective. Thank you, sir. I need to think more about this because you're 100% right. Now that I think of it, there's people who are nice to me, but because they seem aloof at times, they rub me the wrong way. I could very well be that with to others; I see myself as nice, they see me as having no substance.

Your last two paragraphs really slapped me in the face too, in a good way. When I think about it that way, it really does change how I view other people talking negative about me. People talk negative about me? Cool, I'll be someone who you can count on never being that way towards them.

I really appreciate your words. Where ever you are, God bless you and hope you're having a great day (I'm about to go get my third coffee #notashamed).

owlcompliance commented on I'm struggling and I don't have anyone else to share this with except you · Posted by u/owlcompliance

salawat · 3 days ago

Fuckin' A, nobody? If no one else will, I'll play Senex. First off, welcome to the Game. Everyone else is playing, nobody bothered to tell you. It happens. If I'm reading your post right, one of two things is happening. I'm wasting my time, or I'm helping someone who might be at the threshold of a turning point in life. referred to in depth psychology circles as individuation. Known to the layman as a midlife crisis. "What's that?", you might be asking. It sucks. Royally. Not everyone hits it. Some people go their entire lives without it. You got the lucky number. What's it mean? It means, my friend, you just got a wake up call from the depths of your mind. A part of you is bloody frigging miserable, and will remain so until you figure out where that part is, and fix it. How? That's rather the point of the entire process.

Paragraph 1: Indicates to me an orientation toward extraverted feeling, or really, really unaware of other's actual attitudes/how their behaviors map to the inclinations of the deeper psyche.

Next 3 paragraphs; shocked@ the fact that when people are not face to face, a different side of them seems to manifest that they don't present to you face-to-face. If this hasn't occurred to you before, you probably haven't been paying attention, and should absolutely start doing so, right now. You also are not wrong in this observation, but not entirely right either.

Paragraph 4: Oooh. Ouch. Okay, Corporate faux pas on a couple levels. Sounds like a Director handed you something to do, if it's the FIRST time, it's often a test. Director gave you task. Take materials, make training course. Director probably knows there are errors. Expects you to do one of a few things. The part you didn't catch, is they were trying to measure a couple things. A) Were you willing to ask questions? B) Were you willing to take ownership and optimize? C) Would you correct something you could plainly see was wrong? You took the passive route of least resistance and most face saving (for that Director from your perspective) by just doing whatever you consider "making the training, you didn't specify, but I'm assuming maybe converting a slide deck to worksheets/pamphlets, etc. The formula, is Observe, Orient, Decide, Act.

You observed things were off. You oriented toward passivity/face saving. You denied yourself discretion, you turned the materials in with a minimum of actual care. You thought you were being helpful. This other Director obviously prioritized results over how he felt about it, so gave YOUR Director an earful. This is not uncommon. This is priority/optimization mismatch. Could totally be worked out in feedback stage. That requires people being adults. You were clearly not working with one.

Next five paragraphs; Congratulations, it's time for you to learn a lovely word; Enantidromia. Everyone, no exceptions, goes through it. The mask we wear in front of people is not the entire being. We're just trained by society to pretend that is the case. Eventually, ya get old enough and start to realize there's more going on there. You are there.

Last three paragraphs: Alright, see what you wrote there? That came from a part of you. That is the part calling out. It doesn't give a damn about what society thinks should be right for you. it wants you to be you. Everything there about building, and feeling done with corporate and two faced people? That's the part being denied authenticity. The part that blows, you being a family man, and all, is you can't just ignore it. If you do, you're gonna start falling apart. You fall apart, someone in the family is going to have to compensate, you don't want that, right? So you need to work with it now. That part of you is where the oomph comes from. So, take it from someone who has been there; do not try to medicate it away. Do not ignore it. Listen to it. Work with it. It's going to want you to do things you can't necessarily do right now. That's okay. It doesn't have to get exactly what it wants, but ya need to give it something. The more you do, the easier it'll get to find the energy to deal with the world, and the more life'll start to make sense, as that part of you you've clearly been ignoring, gets integrated into your mentation loop.

If you're going through what I think you are, congratulations. You've been handed the blueprint to not drive yourself crazy by someone else who very nearly did, because no one was there to help me out when I went through it. If you're just looking to waste time, which I really don't think you are from your post history. You're new. Not toxic, but definitely not "in" yet. If I'm wrong... Eh, I tried.

Further references: C. G. Jung, look up individuation & his theory of Archetypes. It'll sound like woo. There's a lot of woo based on it, but it ain't woo. Trust me on this one. It'll click with some reading and introspection, and being really, really honest with yourself. Being honest with yourself will at first be hard. Keep at it. It takes active effort. Don't be like me. Take it seriously, get it done. There ain't no going back. Your family needs you.

Good luck waking up, and when ya do, give em all hell for me. I believe in ya.

owlcompliance · 2 days ago

Oh, brother -- you have no idea how much I needed to hear this. I find it absolutely wild to think that I am going through this. I heard about people going through it and I felt like it would never happen to me. And here I am. I have no self pity so your words, advice, and counsel, are music to my ears and I can't express how grateful I am to you for taking real time out of your day to help me out in this way.

I'm literally re-reading your response because for me, it is something I need to study and internalize. This is serious, and I know I need to make some serious decisions in my life and change my perspective on certain things as well.

God bless you friend! I'm curious. Are you located in the UK?

owlcompliance commented on I'm struggling and I don't have anyone else to share this with except you · Posted by u/owlcompliance

password54321 · 3 days ago

This guys account currently sits on negative karma with this post:

>It's kind of crazy when someone has an outlier experience and then tries to frame an entire country as being that way. I've experienced a lot of cultures, countries, and environments. The United States is KNOWN for being a friendly country of people who will talk to you and smile at you for "no reason" other than because Americans are friendly.

Go to many countries in Europe or even Russia, you'll experience the exact oppositive. If you smile at people or talk to a stranger, you will essentially be treated as if something is wrong with you.

Everyone knows this is true about the US. Your comment is clearly trying to portray the United States in a negative light with something that is entirely not true.

And then there's my experience: someone who has lived in the US for over 30+ years.

Troll or a weirdo.

owlcompliance · 3 days ago

Karm isn't the indicator by which one can be judged. There is an entire world outside of Hacker News. All you have to do is create an account and make a comment others disagree with and bam -- negative Karma.

There's a saying in Spanish that says, "Don't make firewood out of a fallen tree." You could learn a lot from that saying.

Maybe some will call me a troll or wierdo, but there's one thing I will never be: someone who makes firewood out of a fallen tree.

God bless you, as a person. I know we hide behind these screennames, but if I were standing in front of you, I would extend my hand and from the bottom of my heart, ask God to bless you, as a person, in real life.

I'm not perfect, so I can't blame you for addressing me as a troll. But I speak from the heart brother.

owlcompliance commented on I'm struggling and I don't have anyone else to share this with except you · Posted by u/owlcompliance

beeburrt · 3 days ago

I'm sorry you're struggling bro. I am. I don't have anything more meaningful than that to say though. Maybe you could try prayer? I know for a fact that our Lord and Savior loves you and cares about you very much. I'm serious.

owlcompliance · 3 days ago

I appreciate it, brother. I will pray. My heart goes out to you for the support. God bless you. Compared to other people's problems, my problems are nothing. So I'm still very grateful for what God has given me. But I'm human, so things like what I described still catch me completely off guard. But life goes on.

owlcompliance commented on Agents that run while I sleep claudecodecamp.com/p/i-m-... · Posted by u/aray07

serial_dev · 4 days ago

> sounds like alot of work and expense for something that is meant to make programming easier and cheaper.

Not if you are an AI gold rush shovel salesman.

From the article:

> I've run Claude Code workshops for over 100 engineers in the last six months

owlcompliance · 3 days ago

Bingo.

owlcompliance commented on Yann LeCun raises $1B to build AI that understands the physical world wired.com/story/yann-lecu... · Posted by u/helloplanets

owlcompliance · 4 days ago

I raised $1 to understand your physical world.

owlcompliance commented on I put my whole life into a single database howisfelix.today/... · Posted by u/lukakopajtic

WarcrimeActual · 4 days ago

He's rich. You don't owe him good faith.

owlcompliance · 4 days ago

Understood - good faith rescinded, bad faith extended.