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Posted by u/A4ET8a8uTh0 4 years ago
Ask HN: Easing wife onto Linux laptop How to?
Hey everyone,

It is going to sound a little weird and if it does not belong here, let me know and I will remove the post, but I am looking for some advice. Long story short, wife requested a new laptop for upcoming event and her laptop is old and slowish by today's standards ( nothing really wrong with it and she is not really using it for anything other than Word, Excel -- to keep tabs on some bills and a browser ). I suggested SSD since that would immediately make all the perceived slowness mostly go away, but I guess it is more about having something new ( and I will inherit old lappy so no waste here ).

Anyway.. the question is not about hardware, but about OS. I am trying to move her away from Windows, but she resists, because that is the only OS she knows and does not want to 're-learn how to do everything'. It is not completely wrong, but wasn't there a KDE profile that basically made it look like Windows or something? I can't seem to find it, but I could have sworn I saw discussions of Linux that looked like Windows somewhere.

jjgreen · 4 years ago

    Ask HN: Easing husband onto proper computer, How To?

    My husband uses some weird sort of computer which doesn't run any proper
    software and he keeps trying to persuade me to do the same, even though he  
    knows I have work to do ...
How would you like it? Leave the poor woman alone!

hk1337 · 4 years ago
Along the same vein, I've thought about setting up PiHole on my parents internet connection but relent because if/when the internet quits working then I am the one that has to deal with it because it was working before I did what I did.
darrylb42 · 4 years ago
PiHole is interesting in the amount of ads it blocks, but also the ads it doesn't. Made most of the banners go away for the silly coloring applications my kids use, but the full screen video ads don't go away. The video ads really need to be blocked as there are a lot that are not appropriate for the age of my kids.

Some applications also refuse to start without tracking active. Took a while to figure out that "Envoy" the desk booking system wouldn't start while getting DNS from pihole.

dashwehacct · 4 years ago
Lol this is great. Got an audible chuckle out of me.
oliwarner · 4 years ago
> wife requested a new laptop

This isn't a cold-call, this isn't stopping somebody in the street to ask they try another washing powder, this is active engagement with customer requirements.

If you can't buy your own laptop without asking —and yes, maybe OP has worded this situation to suit their own position, we don't know— you are opening yourself to recommendations.

Leave the poor OP alone, they're just doing their job.

Dead Comment

foogazi · 4 years ago
> I am trying to move her away from Windows

Maybe you need relationship advice instead of tech advice

get her the best windows laptop you can afford, make sure it's secured properly with updates and such and that it "just works"

you get inherit the old laptop, put an ssd on it and install whatever linux flavor you want

everyone is happy

lcall · 4 years ago
And then after some forced upgrades to versions she doesn't want and said "no" to, but Microsoft knew better and did it anyway (what happened to us), you can explain the alternatives and your experiences (stability, works well on old hardware, fewer viruses, free upgrades for life, local trust and control if/as desired, never a forced upgrade, easy and essentially no re-learning required [see my other comment in this discussion, with XFCE and some desktop icons and CUPS there was practically no re-learning as a user, but I was available to provide support as a long-time user], and let her decide differently if she wants.

That's my general experience anyway. Though I admit, there have been some minor adventures with printing.

lcall · 4 years ago
Maybe I should add: paid support is available, per the OS web sites where they list consultants. I mean, one is not only limited to searching/asking online. I have never used it but am glad to know it is there. And now you have decision-making control, yourself, over the system.
BlackLotus89 · 4 years ago
What the hell is wrong with the hn crowd here? Why is everybody picking on that poor guy? Why are all the comments trying to paint the bleakest picture of him without knowing him or his wife? He wants to introduce linux to his wife and she fears that relearning everything will be hard. I'm sure he wont force linux down her throat if she says she can't use it and will gladly install her the OS she wants. I installed my family linux on their PC as well so that I could better support them. Most of them still use it happily and one used linux for a few tasks and windows for others. I couldn't imagine giving my wife windows support, but she still got a windows partition for a few games. Anyway.... Back to the topic

If she does as little with windows as it sounds don't do anything fancy. Give her shortcuts on the desktop or in the favs and enable her to use her PC for what she does without distraction. Introduce the laptop parallel to her old laptop and let her try it first. If she doesn't like it you can dual boot windows or just install her windows. Don't try to hard making it like windows try making it easy to use.

If you go the windows route don't forget "open shell" and "o&o shutup" are essentials for a minimal migration from win7 to win10. Powertoys are nice as well.

jhanschoo · 4 years ago
> I'm sure he wont force linux down her throat if she says she can't use it and will gladly install her the OS she wants.

> I am trying to move her away from Windows, but she resists, because that is the only OS she knows and does not want to 're-learn how to do everything'.

This does not seem like a case of a husband trying to help a wife keen on giving it a shot make it easy for her.

BlackLotus89 · 4 years ago
Sounds to me more like it was badly worded (could be wrong, but to me he doesn't sound like a native speaker)

Resisting can take many forms like for instance the resistance of my wife to try mushrooms. I pressed her to try some that I liked and she "gave in". Hey she was right she didn't like the texture of any of them, but she was glad she tried it. In my opinion it's normal in a healthy relationship to persuade the partner to try new things. Without the insistence of my wife I wouldn't have tried a few series, didn't went to the doctor when it was necessary and would life a bit too unhealthy.

My point is that she asked him to get her a laptop and she sounds unwilling to try it because she doesn't "know linux". Bringing the better half to try new things isn't a bad thing, that's at least my opinion.

Handytinge · 4 years ago
They seem to be projecting the issues they have in their own relationships, obviously a hot button topic for a lot of people here.
caeril · 4 years ago
It's 2022. If you, as a man, don't accede to every single demand your wife has, you are, at best, emotionally abusive. If she doesn't give enthusiastic consent to the operating system you install on the device she asked you to procure and set up based on your domain knowledge, then you're definitely a rapist. Most likely a Nazi, as well.

OP is clearly a controlling, abusive, gaslighting narcissist. His preference that his wife enjoy a more stable, secure, less bloated computing experience for her sake, and based on his subject-matter expertise is domestic violence, and HN is correctly and properly pointing out that he is Hitler.

srk_hn · 4 years ago
Linux has been around for 30 years and still has not acquired any significant consumer share.

Yet you've decided that the best solution for her is an OS that requires debugging miscellaneous hardware and driver issues and runs a mishmash of software with no consistent UI language.

As opposed to MacOS and Windows which just work, used throughout the world on a daily basis by the majority of the world, and have tangible results in terms of productivity benefit.

Honestly I think there are bigger underlying issues here, like listening to your partner and understanding their needs instead of forcing your opinion on someone who doesn't want it.

yazzku · 4 years ago
> and runs a mishmash of software with no consistent UI language.

Do you mean like WinForms, WPF, WinUI, UWP, MAUI, Blazor, or good ol' MFC, none of which display text properly on hi-dpi displays in 2022?

ChuckNorris89 · 4 years ago
We clearly don't live in the same 2022 then. Windows 11 has no high-dpi issues for me today on my 4ik monitor. And I even run 20 year old software and games on it. That has been a non-issue since later Windows 10 versions from like 2017.

And users/consumer don't care about GUI frameworks nonsense, that's a developer issue for them to deal with.

A4ET8a8uTh0 · 4 years ago
I am using PopOS as my daily driver. I have yet to see some of the problems with hardware or drivers ( so kudos to PopOS people ). Admittedly, it is not without flaws, but.. I don't turn on Windows VM that much anymore.

<<Honestly I think there are bigger underlying issues here, like listening to your partner and understanding their needs instead of forcing your opinion on someone who doesn't want it.

You have a point although obviously I am not willing to discuss those on open forum more than that. Hmm, lets reverse roles a little and see where it takes us in a hypothetical.

If I wanted to get a Acura, but wife was pushing for a Honda, is it forcing an opinion or discussing options with a partner?

srk_hn · 4 years ago
That's a discussion because by and large those two choices are equal with minute differences in perceived social status and comfort, but the fundamental function is the same.

On the other hand if I'm spending 2 minutes debugging why my microphone isn't working or why my 2nd monitor blinks out when my computer goes to sleep, that is a waste of my time. If I can figure out any general Windows or MacOS software in 5 minutes but need to read a manpage or ask my partner how to do some trivial piece of work or why I can't edit a document my coworker sent but everyone else can, you are intentionally sabotaging my life with your decisions.

There's many things that are up for negotiation and consideration in a relationship, but wasting someone's time for the sake of some self righteous quest for privacy (that argument is moot btw, considering that you have now encouraged your partner to take risky actions such as finding new software and finding new ways of doing things without a "it just works" approach) crosses a line.

If you use a cellphone, have a WiFi router, don't use a VPN with no records at the router level, or are located within a city, you already don't have privacy no matter how much you personally believe you do.

Source: I work a lot with adtech and my partner works in a personal identification business

virgildotcodes · 4 years ago
A car is a major purchase that can have a big long term impact on your shared life and expenses.

Her choice of OS probably is not.

A better hypothetical would be - she likes Hawaiian pizza, but you’re really intent on convincing her to eat supreme pizzas every time instead.

katbyte · 4 years ago
Are you sharing the Acura/Honda or is it _your_ car? Because if it’s your car then it is forcing an opinion. If it’s shared it’s different because you both will use it. (Not to mention the price difference here)

Laptop is hers, for her, to be used by her, therefor it’s her choice not yours.

Advise and suggest, but recognize in the end people are allowed to make the personal choice they want even if you don’t like it or agree.

erddfre3423 · 4 years ago
>Yet you've decided that the best solution for her is an OS that requires debugging miscellaneous hardware and driver issues and runs a mishmash of software with no consistent UI language.

I guess you've never tried Linux Mint with Cinnamon or anything similar. I've honestly had way more issues with Windows 10 than Mint. Before switching to it I had never even touched Linux, yet I found the transition to using it as my daily driver very easy. Everything I need to do for basic use can be done through UI, it's intuitive and quite similar to what I got used to with Windows 7. The only thing I miss is some Windows-software like MS Office.

It's all about which distro you choose. At work I use RHEL with Gnome and it's nowhere near as beginner-friendly as Mint with Cinnamon.

srk_hn · 4 years ago
I've tried Fedora, Arch Linux, Ubuntu, CentOS, and Linux Mint. They all have issues you won't discover in the initial honeymoon stages but will randomly discover issues like sleep mode not working consistently, wifi disconnecting, second monitor not working, battery draining, etc.

If your hardware combination works with 0 issues, consider yourself lucky, but if you plan to upgrade your hardware you need to set aside hours of your time just in case you have issues.

If you're making any sort of serious $$ with your machine and Linux is not a hard requirement, good luck making that investment of time worth it.

I know that if I have an issue with Windows a quick Google search and I can find a solution within minutes. But I don't think I will ever return to debugging for hours why my 2nd monitor with an AMD card refused to work after my Ubuntu desktop went to sleep.

filmgirlcw · 4 years ago
This is so unbelievably condescending and frankly, gross.

Why do you get to choose what OS your wife uses? She likes Windows, for whatever reason. Why do you feel entitled to change what she’s using? How would you feel if someone tried to replace your Linux distro of choice with MacOS or a well-configured WSL2 setup? You’d probably be annoyed, even if you could do everything you did before, albeit in a different way.

Look, I understand the support concerns with a family member using an OS you don’t like. But the move isn’t to force them or trick them into something else.

I was able to get my mom to switch to macOS, which is my preference, 13 years ago. She was already used to iOS and Macs made more sense to her. My father, on the other hand, does not like Macs. I was able to get him to use a Chromebook for a time, but it broke and he went back to Windows. A few weeks ago, I bought him a new laptop that I got a great deal on (that was the price of a mid-tier Chromebook but significantly better specs and a much larger SSD), installed some extra RAM (that he probably didn’t need but he’s my dad and I love him and it was only $50) and I did a clean install of Windows 11 before I ever even logged into the machine. He’s exceedingly happy. And without the pre installed malware, I’m very happy to act as remote tech support if I need to.

When I shared this with people, the overwhelming response from fellow nerds was that I should have bought him a computer he did not want (a MacBook), a lesser-computer that he’d already had a bad experience with (a Chromebook), or forced him to use Linux. You know what my dad would do if I tried to force him into Linux? He’d go to the store and buy himself a more expensive and shittier Windows laptop than the one I got him and then get suckered into Best Buy Geek Squad bullshit. And I’d still be stuck supporting him on Windows. But now it would be even worse.

I say all this because your wife, like my father, is an adult. And she gets to choose what computer she uses. She’s not a child and she’s not your property. Let her like what she likes!

And trying to convince someone that Libre Office is the same as Office 365 is a really, really mean thing to do for anyone that shares documents with others.

dxf · 4 years ago
Honest question -- why are you trying to get her to move away from Windows? What benefits for her do you see in doing that?

Perhaps she would be more amenable to a Chromebook? (Depending on what apps she actually needs to run.)

A4ET8a8uTh0 · 4 years ago
Hmm. That is a good question. Upon reflection it is more about me than her. I went out of my way to not let her laptop or my PC back then upgrade to Win10. I do have strong views on telemetry and any new Windows laptop will likely not listen to me when I ask it not to do things I don't want done ( which seems to be a common issue with software these days ).

The benefit for her is the same as the benefit for me. I would like to keep as much of my life as private as possible. I am not sure bare Windows is the best way to achieve that goal ( even if she does not think it is relevant, her disregard for privacy considerations kinda forces me to put some blocks in place ). In case you are wondering, we have discussed privacy implications, but I am learning to pick my hills carefully.

Out of the two evils, I would sooner do Windows ( because then at least I can gut it ). I wouldn't be able to do it Chromebook. Separately, she already said no to Macbook ( so at least she is consistent - no OS change ).

that_guy_iain · 4 years ago
So you're basically forcing your decisions on to her? You've forced your decision of not upgrading to the latest windows version. And now you want to go out of your way to not get her a laptop she would be happy with. All because you're not happy with what many would consider be a minor issue.

Since you're saying you've already talked about the privacy implications I'm going to assume your wife has made her opinion clear. Yet here you are trying to figure out how to get her to do what you want. Seems very controlling and generally controlling partners aren't healthy ones. Maybe you should seek some therapy (not couples therapy, just therapy for you) to help you get over this controlling urge you have.

ycombinete · 4 years ago
I recently encountered https://privacy.sexy here. It looks like it handles the telemetry side really well… as long as you’re happy to run a ton of someone else’s bash script as an administrator. It’s all open source.
prometheus76 · 4 years ago
Spybot Anti-Beacon blocks Microsoft telemetry. Worth the small fee for peace of mind.
qsort · 4 years ago
> I am trying to move her away from Windows

Honestly, I think the "why" is missing here. Does she have a problem she'll be able to solve by switching to Linux? Why isn't installing a fresh copy of Windows without the OEM crap sufficient?

luc_ · 4 years ago
>It is going to sound a little weird and if it does not belong here, let me know and I will remove the post, but I am looking for some advice.

Seems pretty weird, maybe you should remove the post and let your wife choose her own OS that suits her needs.