given that, in 2022:
both parents will need to work to fund raising a child, so the mother necessarily has to do 1.5 or 2 full-time jobs
grandparents most likely don't live in the same city so you're reliant on strangers to raise your children
increased risk of autism / ADD / lack of focus because of the internet
the world is already over-populated, and however hard it is for you to compete with your peers, it'll be even harder for your children
etc etc etc (to name but a few)
- Family time is enjoyable, certainly helps cut down social media addiction and replace it with something meaningful (unless your perspective is that you'll die anyway so nothign is meaningful, but then you have other issues).
- Having kids forces me to push myself to be better, control my emotions, be a role model that inspires my kids. Without kids, I would find it harder to have such a clear drive to consistently be the best of myself every day.
- Kids are not independent. A priority that tops everything else shifts your perspective from you being at the center of your world to something else. That something else is fragile, needs care. That helps bring focus, consistency and growth to everyday life.
- Helping someone discover new things brings me joy. I can do that almost every week with my kids and I love it.
Does that make it a good choice in terms of cost/benefits? Depends who you are and how you see your life I guess?
Edit: reading another comment - the list about is indeed a descriptions of the symptoms of what it takes to bring joy and happiness to a new counsciousness in this world. I like the perspective of that other comment and wanted to highlight it too.
So that's my "answer": You created a baseless hypothetical. The hypothetical itself is the problem here, not the concept of kids. Nobody can name benefits that outweigh the "costs" here because the costs are complete fiction and designed to be insurmountable.
In this case the OP made a bunch of claims which they cannot support, and then wants people to defend those claims/find counter-benefits to offset them. They've essentially pinned the discussion so that it wastes a bunch of time, and so their preconceived notions cannot be undercut.
If people want to have a good faith discussion about the positive/negatives, then that is certainly possible, but OP poisoned the well, so it is unlikely to be possible here.
Your perspectives seem incredibly negative and you seem to be super pessimistic about your future & the world's future, so it makes sense for you.
Other people have optimistic perspectives about their own future (making more than enough money in the future, building a social circle and "competing with their peers" ~ not sure what this means & how you're competing with your peers) so it makes sense for them to have children.
Just look on twitter and you'll find loads of 20 year olds making 6 figures out of their college dorms with different kinds of internet products. I saw a thread yesterday from some 19 year old kid who makes $30k a month selling notion templates.
This all is totally possible to do if you're willing to spend 1-2 years learning how to do it. It's even easier to do if you're an engineer (you can rapidly iterate & develop new products)
You have an abundance of FAANG jobs that pay 6 figures and now many of these positions are being offered remotely. You just have to spend 3-4 months learning LeetCode stuff (yes, it's definitely a pain but it 100% beats wasting 2 years on an MBA or something).
Edit:
I'm not talking about everyone in the world. There are definitely billions of people in low-income countries in Africa/Asia who don't have these opportunities unfortunately.
This comment was meant more towards your average HN reader (technical background, living in a rich western nation, etc.) I thought that's who the OP was asking.
+ Being a parent is fun. Kids are super funny. Teaching them stuff is a treat, and seeing their interests emerge is a wonderful feeling. Assuming you love your spouse, you get to see this chimera of the best parts of you and your partner walking around in the world.
+ Kids are also familial and social glue. Even if you live a ways from parents, it's an easy excuse to stay in touch, a place to plan trips. One of the crazy things that as your kids grow they look and sound like different relatives. It's a cool experience.
+ Selfishly, it's nice knowing you'll have some influence on the world, no matter how small, after you pass.
I'm know some childless billionaires and honestly I wouldn't trade the decade-long headstart I've had with my daughter and her brother for all their worldly fun. Everything people say about parenting being the best thing you'll ever do is right – and they're underselling it.
FWIW, I understand the cynicism. You seem like someone who has suffered through tough times. I hope you find peace.
Fuck Cancer.
I find that hard to fit into either of what I find your very unpleasant framings of the question:
> What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
> why one should choose to procreate nowadays
p.s. I'm 51. I don't have children - I've never felt the desire to, but figure I will have kids one day if I want to. I've always thought it would be better for kids if their parents felt like they wanted kids!
Why do you find these questions unpleasant? Do you find it unpleasant to analyze the benefits of other life-changing, irrevocable decisions?
Doesn't need to be true. A woman can take a year off or so to breastfeed and recover from the birth, at that point you can send the kid to daycare and split the child care duties. In my house my wife prefers the child care stuff so I pitch in by doing most of the other household chores, but since my daughter was 1 I've changed as many diapers as she has. Really she doesn't have to work, but she didn't like staying home with the kid and the household budget we would have to meet for that to work out.
> grandparents most likely don't live in the same city so you're reliant on strangers to raise your children
This part sucks, I agree.
> increased risk of autism / ADD / lack of focus because of the internet
You choose what your children get to do in their free time. It's really easy to sit them down with a tablet and walk away, but nobody is forcing you to do it. There is an old saying, "You can be friends with your children when they are 14 or when they are 40, not both."
> the world is already over-populated, and however hard it is for you to compete with your peers, it'll be even harder for your children
It isn't overpopulated with people like your children will grow up to be. Children in the west benefit from public health measures and educational opportunities that will potentially enable them to be net contributors to solutions for overpopulation. The world can't be overpopulated with geniuses, with enough of them we can make new worlds.
Yes but given that unintelligent people are multiplying themselves at a much faster rate than intelligent people, do you really think your one or two intelligent children will have much of an impact on the world? It's wishful thinking.
A friend recently taught me:
If you raise your children you can spoil your grandchildren. If you spoil your children you will raise your grandchildren.
People who don’t have kids have low regret rates not having them. People who do have them either won’t share their regret having had them, or genuinely enjoy the experience. Do what you think is best for you, and own the decision once made.