Ask HN: How do you remain disciplined and be your best self?

Smoked on and off between 17 and 21. Took me about 8 months full of relapses to finally stop completely - psychological addiction was far harder to break than I first anticipated.

In my case, I realised I had been self medicating for some mild pervasive anxiety without explicitly acknowledging it. Although smoking calms anxiety temporarily - it tends to exasperate it in the the longer term - creating a vicious cycle of excessive smoking for me. Once I started to take action on this underlying issue, smoking became far easier to quit. So, find the underlying issue, why do you feel the need to smoke so much? Lack of alternative activities? Loneliness? Mental health issues?

Hope my anecdote can help you out - my life is FAR better after investing the effort in quitting. You'll wish you had done it sooner, but do not underestimate the willpower it will likely take.

random_kris · 7 years ago

did you quit on your own? or did you seek a specialist to treat your anxiety. I think I am also self medicating because of anxiety. Like when I am sober after long day I am anxious for unknown reasons but after I smoke I get calm... yesterday I had a epiphany that I smoke because I don't really have any real long term hobbies. Only projects that I wnat to start or stuff that I want to learn... but everything is in a planning phase not in execution phase if you get what I mean.

jamesk14022 · 7 years ago

I didn't have access to a specialist in this case but I have used one in the past for something else and he was super helpful for me.

Just the act of vocalising all your thoughts to someone can bring a great deal more clarity to the situation.

Some good advice here already. Being a guy who has been studying habits and routines for the past 18months I know one thing - concentrating on breaking a bad habit and STOP doing something is really hard. It requires too much willpower and discipline and if you're starting from a low point - these resources are super limited. So that's a bad strategy for someone in your situation.

A better strategy is to focus on developing habits that will bring more positivity into your life and as a result - weaken your bad habits. This will give you more mental power to deal with whatever shit that is making you unproductive, lazy and procrastinator.

Examples of habits that bring immediate positive effects are:

- movement. Not necessarily exercise. Could be also just taking a 5min stroll around the block after the morning shower. - gratitude practice. Take an actual paper notebook with a pen and each morning after having breakfast, write down 3 things you're grateful for, 3 things that will make today great and maybe some positive self-talk. - meditation. Some people find it hard, but the best solution for beginners is to use guided-meditation apps. Good and paid ones are Calm, Headspace. If you want free one - Insight Timer. Believe me, guided meditation can give you a perspective you are looking for. - improving your social circle. Just signup to some meetups on something that you always wanted to learn. Photography, carpentry, cooking, whatever. go out there and meet people who are already doing what you wish you were doing. This will positively affect your mindset and you might even want to model them. Just don't go to the super pro meetups, because you might be discouraged by their level and think 'I'll never get there' and other kind BS talk.

And look, I'm not even sure you're gonna read this. But I promise you, if you spend at least 3 minutes everyday, taking a small step towards where you want to be - the effects will compound and you'll find yourself at much better situation in a month. Forget about quick fixes, forget about end results. Focus about doing something small today, and then tomorrow.

Good luck brother.

random_kris · 7 years ago

Wow thanks for your reply man :) I actually think I am making a good progress. I didn't kick my weed habbit but actually try to incorporate some positive habits in my life. -I try to make good food everyday after my work. (healthy, home cooked) sometimes I smoke before cooking so it is even more fun than doing this sober. -I found wim-hof breathing exercises and idk if it placebo but something clicked with me and I just feel like my general mood improved noticeably. After just 2 20min exercies I felt different, so I decided to go one level further and start doing cold showers. Been doing this for past 5 days and even though they can be shocking they feel soooo good. My weed cravings are actually a lot smaller than before so I think I am making a progress. My next goal is to signup for swimming pool and, go to bed/wakeup at the same time atleast druing the weekdays. Fridays, Saturdays will be an exception tho

21dayhero · 7 years ago

Sounds like a great progress indeed! Just take it step by step. Don't start adding the new habits too quickly, because each new habit, actually shakes your current routine a bit, because you're learning something new and your brain is taken from automaticity mode that your habits bring you into.

So don't rush, do the home cooking and cold showers and exercise, but don't add the swimming pool yet, because you will be less likely to keep up and as a result skip few days. Skipping will bring out negative emotions and an urge for escapism and you'll be a lot more likely to revert to your bad habit - weed.

Take it slow and enjoy the ride.

jakegarelick · 7 years ago

I recognize that I am my best self. Even at the worst parts of my life.

I stop saying I "should" do this or I "should" do that, and just let life run its course.

Not sure if that helps you, but I've been there man. Email me if you want to talk.

ykevinator · 7 years ago

Smoking makes you focus but lazy. Not smoking makes you ambitious but unproductive. What you need is to "learn" how to focus when not smoking. There's a great set of videos and I think a book by a Google guy whose thesis is that you can "learn" behavior, and I 100% believe him. He talks about things like "practicing" not checking your email, that sort of thing. I realize that's not your issue but the technique strikes me as relevant. If I can dig up his material I'll post it here. Hope this helps.

post it here if you can find it yes :D

0db532a0 · 7 years ago

This only solves the smoking problem (not a small problem), but I suggest reading Alan Carr’s ‘The Only Way to Stop Smoking Permanently’. I’m not normally big on self-help books, but please bear with me.

The book mainly covers tobacco smoking, but he also explains at the end in the sections on addiction to other drugs, that you can read the whole book in relation to other drugs too, including cannabis.

The book isn’t about stopping smoking purely for the physical health benefits and only by willpower. Instead it helps you realise how addiction creates stress for you, and how smoking (whatever you smoke) never really alleviates those stresses, but actually contributes to them.

I’d also suggest trying to surround yourself with friends who are better for you and can push you in the right direction. Try and get into some extra-curricular projects with others so that you can’t slack off alone. Being in the right environment helps immensely. You have ambition, and this shouldn’t be hard to accomplish at university, and it will be a lot harder after university (as I have discovered). Make the best of it.

dan00 · 7 years ago

> I have big inspirations for my future, but I've been slacking and being unproductive most of the time...

You might love the idea of having achieved great things, but don't really want to put the work into it. Perfectionism might also play its role.

Sometimes it can hurt quiet a bit being really honest with yourself, getting rid of the illusions.

raztogt21 · 7 years ago

1. Don't try to replace the smoking habit, remove it first. Find what is triggering it.

* It could be a person, i.e you smoke with your SO or with your best friends.

* It could be a situation/place, i.e you smoke when you sit on certain couch, chair or laying in bed at certain hour.

* It could be an action, i.e before/after I play video games I light it up.

Trying to avoid those triggers.

2. Show up everyday. When you get back your time, focus and ambition. Do something productive EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. Read CS/Programming Books, watch quality online courses, develop random side-projects (a blackjack game, an adventure text-based game, youtube clone).

I was on a similar spot; but with video games and gambling. After 4 years of showing up everyday, weekends, holidays you will become... pretty pretty competent. Even if you are not brilliant, as myself.

Goodluck

antonio-ramadas · 7 years ago

I highly recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg[0]. It gives great advice on how habits can change your life.

[0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_of_Habit

Yes, it explains how triggers are the ones that makes or breaks an habit. Good book.

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