I also had an aunt who loved giving magazine subscriptions. Thanks to her, I had long-running subscriptions to Discover, Scientific American, Omni, and later BYTE. And, of course, the most important one of all: Dungeon!
So, what do I do now? * Household management: I handle cooking (about half), cleaning, shopping, finances, repairs—basically all the day-to-day stuff. * Supporting my wife: I act as her personal assistant. I write emails, grants, and curriculum; create her presentations and visuals; and handle whatever else she needs so she can focus on teaching. With my help, she’s raised over $100k in two years to support her program—not too shabby! * Pet parent: I’m a proud cat and dog dad. Side projects: I’m working on a web app that I hope will generate income someday. * Writing a novel: For the first time, I’ve moved past the endless planning stage and am actually writing! I’ve also got more ideas in the works. * Tabletop game design: I have about ten tabletop games in various stages of development, and a few are done. I’d love to get at least one published. A friend and I even created a tabletop game that teaches condensed matter physics (CMP 101 level) with funding from an NSF grant. It’s more of a euro-game than an edu-game, and we’re looking to publish it and maybe turn it into an app. * Self-care: Decades of work, especially in startups, took a toll on me emotionally and physically. Today, I'm more organized, more productive, more focused, and more motivated than ever. I have a lot of work to do to repair my health, but I'm working on it.
What I’m finally able to do: * Engage in emotionally rewarding activities instead of draining ones. * Pursue personal goals and dreams I’ve always put on hold. * Channel my energy into supporting my wife, which has made her happier and more fulfilled in her career—a first for her. * Be the master of my own destiny rather than living on someone else’s terms.
I do feel some anxiety about putting the financial burden on my wife. She understands and values the contributions I make to our household and her career, so there’s no resentment on her part. Still, I worry about what would happen if she lost her job or couldn’t work. I cope by focusing on the fact that the things I’m pursuing can generate income. If I channel my energy positively and healthily into these pursuits, I believe they eventually will.
Heck, I have to debug the stuff that some idiot (me) wrote six months ago and it might as well have been someone else who wrote it for all I remember about how to debug it
Note: I know about this because there's a gun range near where I live by the lake, and the lake is now permanently off limits for swimming due to lead pollution.
In a recent conversation over breakfast I brought up lead poisoning and my dad was adamant (in his conspiratorial way) about how all of that lead exposure via handling lead and inhaling lead fumes didn't result in any significant health problems for us. I'm assuming he meant that we all weren't dead yet. He's 80 and a wreck. He's had all sorts of health issues include recent cancer remission. I'm 55 and I've had nerve issues since my teenage years which manifests itself as a noticeable tremor in my right hand that has got worse over time. I developed adult onset asthma in my late teens. I have a host of other health conditions as well. Who knows how much of that is tied back to lead exposure.
For IC work that requires minimal collaboration, WFH is often more productive. Fewer interruptions, more focus. However, when the role requires detailed collaboration and regular interaction with others, productivity for WFH falls off a cliff. This has been measurable at every company I’ve worked for that does a decent job of collecting these metrics. And anecdotally, I can feel it in my own job. When I am doing focus work, WFH is great and I get a lot done. When I need a lot of whiteboard time or deep discussions with my peers, WFH is very inefficient regardless of the remote setup, and the difference is so stark that it is difficult to argue.
I think most people are talking their own book. If you are an IC or mostly just do individual focus work, then of course WFH is great. If you need to iteratively collaborate with people on complex design problems or work products, WFH objectively has low efficiency in every organization I’ve seen try it, including companies that are remote-centric.
There is a lot of motivated reasoning in these discussions and little acknowledgement that productivity between WFH and RTO varies greatly depending on the task at hand. Every company and most roles are a mix of these types of tasks. I think many companies these days recognize this and try to allocate accordingly, but it creates legal, social, and other issues if you treat employees differently in this regard based on the nature of their roles. The reality that some people must commute to do their jobs effectively creates a class system of sorts but organizations needs all roles to be setup to ensure reasonable productivity.
This is not a black and white situation, it is a complex social problem.
Dead Comment
Now that said, I completely accept that not everyone shares my point of view, and I also accept that probably I wouldn't understand their reasons for doing so.
Maybe you should stop worrying about it. Some people would eagerly take any opportunity to live a few more years, it makes no sense to you, but it makes to them. It is not like they are forcing you to also live more than what you want.
Leaving the traditional workforce was an easy decision for me. COVID had me working from home, and my startup didn’t make it through the pandemic—raising capital was tough. Once I experienced working from home, I knew I couldn’t go back to the office or work for anyone else.
I feel the same way about retirement. While my wife supports us financially, I support her by managing the household. I take care of the pets, make her lunch, clean, help with her lessons and emails, and handle groceries and errands. I really enjoy this role. It frees me up to work on personal projects like novel-writing and developing a SaaS product I’m passionate about.
I get a lot of satisfaction from making my wife’s life easier, especially since being an elementary school teacher is no walk in the park. Thanks to my support, she’s been able to raise over $60k for a unique program at her school in just two years. She’s sharing her success stories at conferences worldwide, and seeing her thrive makes me happy too.
I’m not spending my time golfing or vacationing. I keep my mind sharp and enjoy the work I do. Yes, I worry about the future—like the fear of being so sick that I become a burden, and no, I don’t have enough saved up for that possibility.
I feel like my generation (X) is in a tricky spot, but for now, I’m content.